Broken Promises
by banryuu
Summary: Time moves so fast and life doesn't wait for anyone. When things change again for Hitomi Kanzaki stands torn, by the life where everything seems so perfect, and the chance she never took. Hearts at risk and promises broken. What is a girl to do? Rated M for adult themes and events.
1. Conflicted

**Welcome! So, I recently finished Surface Tension, and near the end I began thinking I should take a break. I've written many stories over the years, the majority of them are Van and Hitomi continuations. I love Escaflowne, it's a passion… or obsession depending on who you ask. The ending left so much room to explore this world that was created so lovingly. It doesn't matter if you are an original fangirl or a new convert Escaflowne speaks to us all. I've had ideas for AUs, but working with the characters in the world with so much lore and unanswered questions has always been my passion.**

 **It comes to a point where you ask what else is left. The reunions, action, drama it's not new anymore. Trying not to say the same things in different stories becomes an actual task. How many times have I talked about the light from the 'sister moons'?**

 **So, here I was determined to step back and you know what happened. I had to drive, a lot, like eight hours at a time. Listening to the same music, talking to myself, and it happened. I got hit with the muse bat. Not once but servral times.**

 **I plotted out 5 new stories. An AU drama named _Not Quite Normal_. A Continuation that takes place only six months after the series called _Bitter Medicine_. A one shot or short story called _Almost There_. A drama with some supper sweet moments named _Green-Eyed Girl_. And of course, this story my quite M-rated continuation _Broken Promises_.**

 **Now all of those are plotted, but that doesn't mean they will stay active in my mind. On the other hand, Bitter Medicine chapter one and Broken Promises chapter two are sitting in my overworked Beta's inbox. Green-Eyed Girl chapter one, and Broken Promises chapter three are almost finished.**

 **No telling how long until I stall but I'm burning of this energy while I've got it. So look forward to those works, but for now, enjoy!**

 **Last note. A very important note. This is M-rated for good reason. There are adult themes and activities portrayed in this story. If you are not comfortable with that please don't continue reading, I only want people to enjoy these works. So, if you don't like the more adult details, please wait for one of my other stories. Because there will definite be others. Thank you**

 **Broken Promises**

 **Chapter 1- Conflicted**

Life can completely change in a heartbeat. I've learned this lesson before, but it still sometimes surprises me. It's been ten years since my life changed in a big way. When I was fifteen, I saw something terrible and unbelievable at the same time. It first came to me in a vision, then the next day in reality. A boy came from the heavens and fought a mythical beast, like something out of a fairytale. Unlike such stories, this wasn't a knight in shining armor but a teen my age with a chip on his thin shoulders large enough to block out the moon. Well, at least one of them.

That is the first time my quiet life became something entirely new. It became a dangerous adventure of war and death, but from the darkness came strength, trust, and love. That boy became so much more: a friend, , protector, and sometimes the cause of my heartache. It wasn't easy for me to realize it was love. I didn't ask for it or expect it. Honestly, before then, I thought love was a simple, sweet thing made from gentle feelings. Boy, was I wrong.

Now a lifetime has passed between then and now. I don't even know if I'm that same girl anymore. I love my life here on my world with my family. I have friends who didn't ask questions about my disappearance and still supported me when I returned. War changes people, so I didn't come back the same. It wasn't possible, and it took time to let those wounds heal. I still miss things about Gaia, the friends I made there, and the good that was still in that world. Of course, leaving was hard. Saying goodbye to him could be nothing else.

I distracted myself with school and track. I caught up on things I had missed and made new memories. I don't regret coming home, and if I had stayed there, I know I would have missed out on so much. Part of me hurt for a very long time, but I found love in other ways. I love my job; I teach history to first years at my old high school.

Classes I didn't appreciate when I was a student fill my days with purpose. Sometimes, I get wistful glimpses of the past when I pass the red paved track. Most of the time it's a memory of steady breaths, strong strides, and pumping arms. Every now and then, I'll get a hot burst of dragon fire or a smell of blood and fear. I've become stronger, and even the scary moments remind me of the good ones.

Now my life is changing again. This time it didn't come surrounded by a bright light or followed by danger. Instead, it is soft lighting, good wine, and a half-eaten dessert. The catalyst in this case is a large, sparkling diamond set in a shining gold band held by the man kneeling by my chair.

This isn't a stranger but my boyfriend of nearly three years. We met in college while I was a normal student and he was a medical student. So, here we are, the doctor proposing to the school teacher. Izumi Kouno is a catch. He's handsome and intelligent, always wearing his short, black hair neatly combed. His dark brown eyes watch for my reaction. So, why do I feel fear rather than joy?

My throat feels tight. He's expecting an answer. Numb, I find myself unable to speak, but I know what I should say. Somehow, I manage a nod. His face glows with a huge grin as the cold band slides on my finger. It's a little big, like this ring isn't mine but a stranger's. The other couples in this fancy, overpriced restaurant clap. Their smiles make me feel even more bizarre, the expectation versus the reality.

I should want this. Why don't I? What is missing? Isn't my life perfect?

The rest of the night blurs by. Izumi politely talks about our future and I let him drone on. He pays the bill. I used to try and split the cost of our dates, but it made him agitated. Somethings just aren't worth the argument. In the past, that kind of chauvinistic attitude would have ignited my temper. Instead, I swallow it down, thanking him for the lovely night. He takes my hand and the warmth is there, but something bubbles in my stomach that isn't excitement.

After a quiet drive home, Izumi walks me to my door. He's already debating whether I should move from my small one room apartment into his much more expensive loft or if we should consider buying a house. I can read between the lines; he wants to know how soon I am willing to start a family.

He lingers on my doorstep, waiting for an invitation inside. Making an excuse about being tired and having an early morning, I make my escape but not before the good night kiss. Why did it feel like an obligation? This is not how I expected to react upon getting engaged.

I do love Izumi. Otherwise I wouldn't still be with him, right? He's good to me, intelligent, handsome, and driven. Even though we've been dating for so long, something always keeps me from taking the next step. He thinks I'm old fashioned and that I believe in waiting till marriage. I've never told him otherwise.

Maybe that is it. I could be waiting for a white dress and flower petals. I shut the door after promising to go see our families to tell them the good news in-person. Once alone, I breathe a bit easier. Still, the idea of being bound to Izumi seems so strange. It could just be the shock hasn't worn off yet.

Still numb, I go about my nightly routine: scrubbing my face, brushing my teeth, and dressing in a soft oversized sleep-shirt. The too large diamond ring slides loosely around my finger. Suddenly annoyed by the discomfort, I remove the expensive piece of jewelry and drop it in a carved wooden box I received for graduation.

Climbing into bed and pulling the fluffy covers over myself, sleep pulls me under swiftly. For that I am thankful, if only for a moment. Then again, I should have guessed who would be there waiting for me.

He's grown tall and filled out in the years that have passed. We've met in dreams many times in the past, but it's been years since the last time. When I first returned, dream visits were more frequent, though it was like a Band-Aid over a bullet wound. It seemed to be helping, but the injury was much deeper. We gradually slowed down to almost non-existent visits. Now, we only seemed to see each other when something big happened in our lives.

The last time was two years ago when Merle got married. Van was happy for her but also lonely. He had effectively given his only family away. We've never been able to meet on the same plane, so to speak. It's like an invisible wall constantly separates us. The place where we stand is neither my bedroom nor his study, but a combination of the two. Van must have fallen asleep working, again.

This is the first time that I honestly didn't want to see him. It makes me too happy deep down. I mentally remind myself that I love Izumi. I shouldn't feel flustered by the sight of his messy raven hair and glinting garnet eyes. How could he still have such a hold over my heart?

"Hitomi." His voice had grown deeper over the years, but the inflections stayed the same. Why does the way he say my name still have such an effect on me? "How have you been?"

The small talk seemed forced, like there where a million other things he wanted to say, but he couldn't find the words. Then again, this is Van we are talking about. No surprise there.

"Why are you here?" It came out sharper than intended and I flush.

A slight lift of one side of his mouth shows the smirk he fails to hide. "You tell me. I haven't been called this strongly in years."

Even shadowed by his wild hair, Van's eyes sparkle with some emotion I've never been able to read. Suddenly, I feel angry at this man I can never have and how he isn't the one trying to build a future with me. "I'm engaged!"

The moment I blurt the words out, the smile melts from his face. "I guess congratulations are in order." He speaks rigidly, almost formally.

I can feel him shutting down, building a wall around himself. "What did you expect?" I feel the need to purge this building emotion before it suffocates me. "It's been ten years, Van! I had to move on. I couldn't live in the past with you forever!"

Wordlessly, he takes two steps towards me, and I expect him to hit that barrier. Van tears through it with little resistance like it was made of wet paper, disintegrating under his touch. The third stride brings him within touching distance. I can feel the heat rolling off of his very solid form.

"Do you love him?" The words come out low, almost dangerous.

"Why do you care?" My voice trembles softly and I pray he can't tell. I know it's a false hope. "It won't change..." I stop myself from saying the words out loud, because saying so will make them real even if they've always been true.

"What won't it change?"Van presses noticing my hesitation. His words were barely a breath.

My head is light and my pulse pounds deafeningly loud. I can't think straight. "That he's not you."

The next thing I know, his very real mouth is on mine, and it is nothing like the lukewarm goodnight kiss. I'm burning up. Electricity courses through my veins. My hands are in his wild hair, and it's like thick, warm silk through my frantic fingers.

I should stop this. I need to pull back. There isn't a shred of my willpower left to do that. I'm all need and desperation. We both are. His tongue caresses my bottom lip, begging for entrance. Nothing is as easy as parting my lips, tasting Van as I only have in fantasies. I tug franticly at the red cloth of his shirt. Stiches pull and fabric tears, but I can feel the smooth planes of his skin rippling over solid muscles. A low moan escapes between our connected lips, although I'm not sure from who it originated from.

Van pulls me against him hard, making my legs straddle on either side of his. The nightshirt hikes up, baring my thighs. I shifted, brushing against the full, solid length of him. This is leagues farther than I've ever been with any man. Even in a dream, I still had to pause.

Sensing my hesitation, he pulls back. This is my chance to stop the madness, but this is the last thing I want. Instead, I take the chance to pull the oversized shirt over my head. Any words Van could have said die at the sight of my nearly naked body. The thin panties are my only barrier, and they are flimsy armor at best. I should feel shy or unsure, but this isn't reality. Taking control gives me a rush of power I've never before felt.

The fire in his eyes burns as they rove my body. I reach forward to wrap my arms around Van's neck and rise up on my toes to kiss him. Or try to.

"Wait." He pulls away, staring down at me as if I am a book in a foreign language, one he's never learned to read. "Is this really what you want?"

This is just a dream after all. Why should I hold back? Everything is changing in my life. Can't I have at least one night without regrets? This is the only time when I can embrace what I really want and not what I should want. "If I didn't, you'd be the first to know."

The words brought back a hint of his old smile. It's true, though. I could have slapped him the moment he first kissed me. Instead, here I am standing exposed and wanting. I want to forget everything outside of this dream world. Only Van can make me forget. Make me remember. Make me feel this new and extraordinary way.

When he still hesitates, I grow angry. How dare Van change his mind now that I've put myself out there so completely! Did I misread his intentions? I have no experience to draw on. I've seen naked men only in the dirty magazines Yukari put under my brightly blushing nose. Still, the signs of his arousal are obvious even to me. "Well, I guess this king has enough women throwing themselves into his bed that one night in a dream means very little."

I turn to leave, holding my breath as I pick up my discarded clothes. With each second growing between us, my heart drops a little more. Maybe Van really will just let me go. Instead, I feel his rough hand grasp my arm, spinning me back around. My back presses against what is left of the invisible wall between our realities.

He's angry now, and my pulse speeds up at the heat in his gaze. "First, you tell me you will marry another man, and now I'm the one who's accused of being unfaithful." I let his fury ignite my own, leaning into his solid form.

"You make it seem like we have a relationship beyond this." I feel a frantic bubble of laughter rising in my throat.

I have always felt torn by my opposing desires. The duty to my family always outweighed the want of my heart up until this night. I returned to a life I should never have left, but a part of me always wanted this, at least one last chance to have the freedom to be truly with him. In this moment, all I want is to feel, even if it is completely new and forbidden. What I feel compels me in an exciting way. Something in me burns brighter as Van's eyes glow with heat.

I want to feel the full force of him on my lips, my hands, my entire body. "Can't we just have this moment?"

I reach for him again, and this time he doesn't pull away or stop me. Slowly, I bring my lips back to his. Van sighs into the kiss, giving in. His strong hands drop down to grip my hips firmly. The movement presses my bare chest into his equally naked, but far harder, one.

"I won't take you against the barrier." His lips brush mine with each low, almost growling word.

"Or what is left of it," I quickly respond. I'm breathless, as if I've been running a marathon.

He releases me enough that I can move away from the invisible yet still solid section of the wall. Grabbing his calloused hands, I start back towards my narrow bed. It was never intended for more than one person. Our other option would be the large desk in his reality. Though wider than my bed, it looks far less comfortable.

"What if you regret this?" Van's voice is soft and hesitant behind me.

I stop, but since it's a small distance, we've reached the bed anyways. Was I being rash? Would I regret this? If we stopped now, would I ever get a chance like this again?

My chest tightens. Would I ever feel this way again if I let Van go now?

"I've learned a thing or two about regrets over the years." I brush an unruly section of hair from his mahogany eyes. "This will only make the list if I don't follow my true feelings now."

Somehow, this feels like one of the most honest things I've ever done.

"Wouldn't want that." His low voice is almost a whisper. A rough hand softly caresses my cheek and traces my bottom lip with his thumb. Finally, he leans down to place his mouth over mine. It's comforting, this new knowing of where the boundaries lie. Before, it was as if I was still forming, just waiting for the edges of myself to fill in. With one last chance for me to escape, Van breathes the words between us. "Are you certain?"

In answer, I place my arms around his neck, pressing the full length of my body against him once more. "Yes." The word, though spoken quietly, rings clearly as a chimed bell.

The next kiss is as breathtaking and passion filled as the first. The heat of desire flows freely from me to him and my blood sings. His mouth moves so it completely captures my own. I fall into the kiss, like a stone dropping into a deep pond. I sink deeper and deeper, until I'm not sure if I ever want to surface again.

We've moved onto the bed without breaking apart. The soft mattress sinks lower with our combined weight. Heat burns through every fiber of my being, and yet the pooling sensation doesn't draw my attention away from Van for a second. His hands are sure and strong; they caress my waist, moving up to my breast and then back down again. It's as though each lingering touch brings him closer to memorizing the shape of me and the feel of my skin. The excited pounding of my heart, which beats in time with his own, thuds almost too fast.

My hands move between us briefly, fumbling with the lacings holding his tan pants in place, but I succeeded at my task. The fabric bunches as I push it down over his narrow hips. Returning the favor, his calloused fingers hook under one side of my panties, pulling them off in a far smoother fashion than my own task. In seconds that feel like years, we are both completely bare. I should be embarrassed, but I simply feel electrified.

I dare to grasp the length of him, gentle but firm. He moaned softly and breaks away from my mouth to kiss down my neck, along my collarbone, and to the supple flesh of my chest. My breasts had barely formed the last time Van and I were on the same world. Now his tongue darts out, tasting and teasing my sensitive nipples. It turns my breathing into a sudden gasp. I've felt magic before, but this was so much stronger.

I meet Van's eye and thrill to see no sign of hesitation or second thoughts, only something deep and warm. The heat causes my heart to race faster and faster. Then I'm falling, lost in the feeling. My fingers dig into his back, not sure of my own strength. I'm lost in the sensations, painful and tight at first. He stills and lets me adjust, easing me into something entirely new.

Van didn't speak at all, just smoothed my hair back tenderly through the worst of it. He kisses away the tears that collect at the corners of my eyes. Once it has passed, I try to urge his movement to resume with the awkward rocking of my own hips.

Taking the not so subtle hint, he resumed control, and soon we were climbing new heights together. My back arched with the strong thrusts, severing what little hold Van still had on his control. He stiffened with a moan for a long heart beat before collapsing on top of me. The feelings that had been growing swiftly start to ease.

Rolling wordlessly to one side, Van's hand replaced earlier actions. He touches and teases until the feelings build higher. They crest and push me over the edge. Moaning and writhing, my hands fist the twisted sheets on either side of me.

With a grin that reached his deep maroon eyes, Van placed a kiss on my trembling lips. We lay there in companionable silence for a time. A deep contentment stretches between us. In a way, I never want this time to end. Reality seems like such a dull thing after this magically shared dream. Well, I wouldn't have had half the nerve to do this in real life, and I would have, indeed, regretted letting this chance pass without any action.

I trace large circles over his well-muscled back, even finding scratches marring the smooth tan skin. Battle wounds in a way. When I try to apologize, Van just smirks, saying how he earned those. I flush hotly, feeling more self-conscious than when I stood naked under his gaze.

"At least you'll have something to remember me by," I retorted.

Van tenses, pulling away from my touch. "You can't mean that." He trails off. Anger starts to drown out disbelief. When he spoke again, the words were low and dangerous. "You're still going to marry him."

It wasn't a question, just fact.

"Van," I started, unsure of what else to say. He wasn't wrong. Honestly, I haven't decided what to do. Could I give up a normal, stable life for a fantasy?

Pushing away from me, Van stumbles from the bed. He looks as if I've wounded him deeply. Tensely, he pulls his pants back on, blindly grabbing fabric from the floor.

"Don't go," I pleaded, my stomach sinking into a bottomless pit.

"Why?" he growls without looking at me. "I don't know why I'm so surprised. You always want something until the moment you get it, and then you just toss it away. I wonder how your fiancé will feel to know he'll always be second, no, third choice. I hope you are happy with the outcome, Hitomi."

The jab strikes deeply. I know what he's saying. He's thrown the past in may face like a weapon welded by expert hands. Van, the stubborn man true to form, hides behind a shield of self-righteousness. He still hasn't gotten over my girlish crush on Allen years ago, and now he's lumping the current situation together with it. He's saying I only have feelings when they aren't returned. How could a kiss in the rain be compared to this night?

It takes me a moment to recover. He's wrong! It's not the same thing at all, and it's not black and white. Allen and how I treated him was on my list of regrets, but he held no hard feelings. It was never right between us, and we both knew it. Before anything ever happened, my heart had already matured enough to hold Van closer, though the rest of me took more time.

The young king and I, that was a completely different story. By the time I realized how deep my feelings were, it was time to return to my life, which had just been put on hold. If tonight proved anything, it was that I still loved Van deeply after all this time. Maybe I couldn't move forward with Izumi, because the thought of being with anyone other than Van was almost sickening.

Something else hadn't changed in ten years, Van's habit to shut down and lash out at the same time. By the time I recovered from his sudden attack, the stubborn man is gone. The study on the other side of the broken barrier is gone. With a pang in my heart, I wake up alone and look up into the darkened room with tears in my stunned eyes.

How did things turn out so badly?

Could Van not understand that breaking things off, changing my whole life over a dream, a fantasy, would take more than a split-second decision?

A chill tells me that somehow, I've shed my nightshirt. I numbly reach for the ball of fabric on the floor. It's with a sinking feeling that I realize this isn't my shirt. In my hand is a bright red tunic, torn along the seams of one side.

How much of this night was a dream, and how much is reality?

 **To be continued…**

 **A/N- So I said a lot at the beginning and will not ruin the mood too much. Thank you for reading. I'd love to hear what you think, even if you disliked it or the themes. If your enjoyed it please stay tuned there is more to come.**

 **Thank you Meghanna Starsong for the wonderful work as always.**


	2. Regret

**OH, my Wing Goddess! I am so happy right now! The response has been overwhelming! So very happy. Hugs all around. Thank you for your support!**

 **Meghanna Starsong has done another amazing job editing. Back by popular demand, and already well within the works. If you notice a few slight word changes from the first chapter I've gone back and fixed them since. Mainly effects the conversation parts.**

 **Limited internet access for now, and an evacuation order set me behind schedule. I hope to have chapter three in for editing in the next few days.**

 **Broken Promises**

 **Chapter 2- Regret**

 _ **Van**_

What kind of fool am I? An enormous one apparently. Hitomi is getting married, and I should be happy for her. Honestly, I expected this for a while now. I remember the night I was called into a dream with her around three years ago. Cheeks flushed rosy, she apologized to me and explained that she had met someone. It could be nothing, but she wanted a chance to be happy on her world without feeling guilty.

It was my blessing that the girl from the Mystic Moon sought. It was quite an unpleasant sensation, the thought of another man holding her gently, tasting her soft lips, and doing things to her that I could only fantasize about. But how could I hold her back when we were worlds away? If this man could make her happy, truly happy, who was I to stop her? Why should this responsibility fall on me?

So, I had said "yes." It pained me to do so, but I wasn't going to let myself be jealous. After everything she had been though, letting her go in all aspects was the least I could do. I still loved her; maybe I always would. We both have changed in the years apart. Expecting her to be that same girl forever wasn't fair to Hitomi.

Even though I was happy for her, it helped me to decide something else. I would no longer visit these dreamscapes. To continue this wouldn't be fair to me. I wouldn't be able to let her go when the time came. So, for a year, I resisted the small tugs that led me into her dreams. I kept that promise to myself to just be happy for her from a distance.

Eventually, she stopped reaching out to me.

Then one day in a moment of weakness, I called out to her in the dark, and instantly Hitomi was there like nothing had changed between us. It only made me feel all the worse, but at the time it hadn't mattered as much.

Thinking back on that night only enforces the weight of what I have done and the terrible way I have ripped out my own heart.

Merle had just gotten married. At two years younger than Hitomi and me, but in some ways, she is far more mature. It wasn't like I would never see her again. After all, her new husband was one of the four samurai. The general of the Claw Army, Wren, was around my age. He had risen quickly through the ranks. Loyal, hardworking, and talented, but most of all he worshiped the ground Merle walked. She was his world, and I was very happy for them.

We should all be so lucky.

The only problem was how this shift in my life changed everything. For years, my council argued for a political marriage, but we as a country had become stable and prosperous on our own. Maybe I was waiting for Hitomi to return to me. Regardless, my country was enough of a commitment for me at this time.

With my only family now bound to another, I stood truly alone. This had never been the case until now. No matter how bleak things looked at times, Merle was always there for me, and now it was my turn to give her my support in return. I needed to let her go.

I hosted a wedding fit for royalty and invited the highest of society along with the tribes from Arzas and Adom. Everything was as Merle dreamed of as a little girl; I've never seen her so happy. I performed my duty with pride, toasted them to a long, happy life and even gifted a wing of the castle as their personal home. A cottage could have been built, but I wanted everyone to know that she will always be part of Fanelia's royal family, as will her children, and their children after her.

The palace is far too large for just me and maybe one day my children will grow up alongside hers. It's a distant dream.

Regardless, that night I found myself reaching out to the girl I let go, more than once. Instantly, she was there, a friendly face and understanding ear. I wanted to push her away, put her back out of my life, but I hesitated. We stood on opposite sides of a barrier that I'd tried and failed to cross before. So, I talked to her, small, useless things. Still, they made me feel better, and I found I wasn't ready to let her go. It's why I pushed her away. To keep from hurting myself, I hurt her.

This time two years later she called to me so strongly I couldn't refuse. I didn't want to let her down again. Something was different, her emotions almost boiling inside the lean form that was no longer an immature girl's. Hitomi seemed almost angry that I chose to answer her summons now of all times. My amusement only caused her to lash out furiously. She has agreed to marry a man from her world, and I could only assume it was the one she has asked my permission to date.

He was a smarter man than me. I let her leave, but he had found a way to make her stay. Tension makes my body taunt. I strode to the barrier separating our two worlds, expecting the resistance. I pushed through unflinching; pain wasn't a new sensation and only a temporary one.

The awe on her open face made the words slip out. "Do you love him?"

In a way, I wanted her to say "yes." That would make it easy. Make it okay to say goodbye for the last time. It would kill a resilient part of me that still loved her, maybe always would.

"Why do you care?" The soft trembling in her voice stirred the hope I didn't dare give into. It was a dangerous emotion for both of us. "It won't change…"

She trailed off. What did she mean? _"It won't change anything." "It won't change my mind." "It won't change my feelings for him."_ I could barely breathe, as I asked. "What won't it change?"

Her bright green eyes bore holes into my very soul, though her voice trembled. "That he isn't you."

Impulsively, I reach for her. Kissing her as if the connecting of our lips could stop time, connect our worlds, and solve the many problems keeping us apart. Fire in my veins, she responds and logic doesn't matter anymore. Hitomi kisses me back with equal, if not greater, passion.

Her slender fingers in my hair pull me closer, refusing retreat. Deepening the kiss, she sighs into my mouth, tasting of caramelized sugar, sweet and smoky. Somewhere deep down I felt this could be just another futile fantasy, but it is so much more. She is real, and our frantic touches progress with the climbing desperation. Don't let this be another dream where I wake up hard and very much alone.

Hitomi's furtive hands have moved to tug at my shirt, the desperate need for skin contact growing by the second. My shirt rips as I assist in the quick and rough removal. I groan into our connected mouths, breeches becoming impossibly tight as her touch explores my exposed skin. She studies me through touch alone, learning all of my secrets.

Pulling her flush to my heated skin, our bodies fit perfectly together. We are like the missing pieces of a puzzle, made for each other and not complete alone. Her thighs straddle my right leg, baring more milky, soft skin. One of her legs rubs against me, and if I wasn't aroused before, I am now.

I can feel her freeze, finally realizing the implications of what we are doing and my need. Taking all the will power I have, I pull back. The rashness of my actions, even in a dream, dawn through my foggy mind. What if she doesn't really want this? Am I taking advantage of her confused emotions?

In response to my hesitation, Hitomi grabs the edge of her loose shirt in steady hands. I think she'll tug down the fabric, but it comes off over her head in one smooth motion. Naked and standing confidently in front of me, seeing her like this is something I've only ever fantasized about. I never thought it would ever happen, even in a dream.

It's now my turn to freeze as an unsure statue. My eyes roam her exposed form, the only part of me still very much alive. We've seen each other in dreams over the years but never like this. Still athletic, Hitomi has grown into a beautiful woman, soft in all the right places, while remaining lean and fit. Once on our dangerous journey, I pulled open her shirt to save her life. The white undershirt left some of the budding womanhood to the imagination, but now I know it was only the start. Her breasts are firm and full, perfect pink nipples tightening in the still air.

Her arms wrap back around my neck. This all feels so real. Despite what my body wants, when she tries to kiss me again I pull away.

"Wait." I look down at her, trying to read everything not said. Does she feel the same way I do, or is this just another escape from commitment? "Is this what you really want?"

Fire sparks in her emerald gaze. "If it wasn't, you'd be the first to know."

I'm reminded of the feel of her hand impacting my face. She's never been shy about putting me in my place in the past. I doubt that has changed with time, and that lifts the corner of my mouth.

I want to believe it is enough, that our feelings and intentions match, making the impossible, possible. When I don't move, a flash of anger burns. She fights back, not with weapons, but with words which can cause far more damage.

"I guess this king has enough women throwing themselves into his bed that one night in a dream means very little." The hurt in her eyes causes the most pain, but she isn't entirely wrong. As a young monarch, there have been plenty of offers, though I've only ever taken two up on their invitations. I can only watch helplessly as Hitomi turns from me. She grabs her shirt from the floor, disappointment curving her narrow shoulders.

The accusations aren't entirely false. I'm not inexperienced, and the women I've been with in the past never complained about my performance. As for them, well, they gave me what my body craved. Honestly, nothing I experienced with them could compare to the power behind just one kiss with Hitomi. This dream means so much more than I could ever say.

I prove my feelings with actions, grabbing her arm before she can go too far, before Hitomi can shut me out. Spinning her around, I back her up against the invisible wall, the part still holding after my impossible crossing.

"First, you tell me you will marry another man, and now I'm the one who's accused of being unfaithful." The words come out as a growl, and she flushes, breath quickening.

"You make it seem like we have a relationship beyond this," she says. So many emotions cross her face, but none of which would lead me to believe that this isn't something she wants. Hitomi seems stronger and more confident than I have ever seen her. It's very attractive, actually. "Can't we just have this moment?"

I want that more than anything. A moment with her is worth years with someone else. Still, I worry if it will be enough for the both of us. She reaches for me again and I let her. Our lips meet again, and I sigh into it. Let myself fall, drown in the moment, sink into the feel of our skin contact and pounding hearts.

Grasping her hips firmly, I pull her closer, the softness of her breasts pressed against my chest. At this rate, we are moving forward, but I don't want it to be like animals. "I won't take you against the barrier." Kissing her lightly between each word.

"Or what is left of it," she responds quickly, a note of awe at the way I broke through for the first time in ten years. She grabs my hand and leads me towards her bed after a glance at my desk. If there is ever a second time, it might be an interesting place for that then. I hope.

Before we reach the bed, I have to ask one more time. I must be absolutely sure. "What if you regret this?"

She stops, but I'm already bracing for her to call everything off. I'll understand if she decides against this, because once we start, truly start, there won't be any going back.

Hitomi turns to me, her eyes tender. "I've learned a thing or two about regrets over the years." She reaches up and gently brushes hair out of my face, unshadowing my eyes. "This will only make the list if I don't follow my true feelings now."

I can breathe again.

"Wouldn't want that." My words are soft with emotion. Cupping her cheek, I lean down to kiss her tenderly, almost chastely. I feel as if nothing could make me regret this, but I want to make sure she won't. I know that this can mean something different to a woman; Hitomi's whole world could change. I want a future for us. I've never desired anything more, so I breathe the last three words. "Are you certain?"

In response, her arms are back around my neck, pulling me close. "Yes."

The simple word releases the tension I hadn't known was there. I had been waiting for her to run away. Kissing her with all the things I could never say. Ten years of pent-up emotions. Ten years I couldn't hold her. All the opportunities missed. The life we could have had. The chances I let pass and the times I wasn't there for her.

It all poured into that kiss and the next. We are on the bed, our weight almost too much for its narrow frame. My hands move from gripping her hips up to her soft breasts, lingering on the sensitive areas that make her breathing quicken. Her thin panties remain on. Once they are gone, so is any chance of us stopping.

As if thinking the same thing, Hitomi's hands fumble at my pants. I could remove the fabric so much easier, but she needs this last barrier to be removed on her own. It's her final chance to turn back. Then she has me in her hands, and I almost lose it.

Her panties came off far easier than my pants, and I'm given a similar response when I touched her. Kissing lower, those breasts I've been admiring, feel so much better in my hands than I'd ever imagined. The way her back arched, I knew neither of us could wait much longer.

Entering her slowly, I know right then that I am her first. No matter what magic allows this meeting between worlds, I still don't understand how deep it goes. Once I met Hitomi in a dream after a sparring match with Wren. He'd caught me with the hilt of his sword and busted my lip. She saw it and was concerned. Somehow, the physical transfers over, so now her nails digging into my back will most likely take days to heal.

I didn't expect this. Not that I doubted Hitomi's purity, but she's been seeing the same man for three years. For her to still be a virgin, that tells me a lot about their relationship. Full of love for Hitomi, I stay still, waiting for her pain to pass. Smoothing her hair back gently, I kiss away the tears that gather at the corners of her eyes.

After a bit, she starts to move against me and I almost lose myself then. Not being inexperienced saves me from ending prematurely, at least for a while. Still unsure of how to move, I guide Hitomi's hips, and we move together. I can't hold back anymore, collapsing on top of her. I know she hasn't reached the same conclusion I have. The least I can do is help her ride those sensations manually. Once she makes it, Hitomi's hands release their death grip on the knotted sheets.

Content and a bit proud of myself, we lay together in silent companionship. Absently, I think of how this was so much better than any other time. The emotional connection is stronger than experience. It was also the first time I didn't stop short and spill onto the sheets like I've done every time in the past.

The two women before were always only physical, and I couldn't risk illegitimate children. This time it was different. Repercussions were the last thing on my mind, and I don't know how far the connection really carries. Hitomi rubs lazy circles on my back, careful of the scratches marring the flesh there.

"It's okay, since I was your first." She tenses, not quite pulling away, just freezing in place. I didn't figure out how insensitive the words sounded until I jokingly added, "I earned these battle scars, after all."

"At least you'll have something to remember me by," she snapped angrily.

I leaned up on my forearms and twisted to look at her. There was something unreadable in her expression that shocked me after everything said and done. Did Hitomi regret this? Regret us?

"You can't mean that." The words dropped off as I watched the conflict coursing through her. Anger started to build quickly. How very naive I was to think that this changed anything! Hitomi wasn't leaving her comfortable life; this was simply a last night of freedom. "You're still going to marry him."

Embarrassment made her flush hotly. "Van." Her voice held that pleading note I remember from so long ago.

I wanted to hear her deny it, but it was in vain. She used me. This was never anything more to her, and I was a fool to think otherwise. I pushed away, unable to listen to anything more. A knife of hurt punctured my heart and twisted deeply.

I know what others want from me, the expectations that follow my every move, but I never thought Hitomi of all people would discard me so easily. Stumbling away from the bed and her deception, I pull on my pants, feeling exposed. It's not because of the nakedness of my skin but the way I laid my heart bare to her.

Blinded by everything, I grabbed a shirt from the floor. Before I can pull it on, Hitomi called out to me, "Don't go." Hurt and confusion in her voice. I never thought she was a very good actress until now.

"Why?" I grit out the one word through clenched teeth, my whole-body rigid. "I don't know why I am so surprised. You always want something until the moment you get it, and then you just toss it away. I wonder how your fiancé will feel to know he'll always be second, no, third choice. I hope you are happy with the outcome, Hitomi."

Like an injured animal, I bit sharply and ran off to lick my wounds while the hunter was distracted. I was through to my side of the dream world before she could recover from my attack. Waking up, I found myself not at my desk where I fell asleep but on the floor near the open balcony doors. The cool night air stung the nail marks on my back, her white shirt in my hand. I felt sick to my stomach.

That was last night, and I still feel ill thinking about it. I've always wanted Hitomi to be happy, and I should have never let things get so far. I should have known she wouldn't give up her life or her family for me. If ten years of time passing on opposite worlds wasn't proof enough, then what could be? Sure, she gave herself to me last night, but it was never more than just a last hurrah before marrying another man, one who would tie her even tighter to that world.

If she could move on, then so could I. This time I needed something more solid than a purely physical relationship. I need someone I could trust, a partner who would be loyal in all things, and only one person came to mind. It might be a rash decision or the only logical idea I've ever had.

First, I had to completely cut my connection to Hitomi. Letting her call out to me for so long wasn't healthy for either of us. This way we could both move on, unhindered by the baggage of the other. The next step was to get the other party to agree. Lucky for me, she happened to be visiting in a separate wing of the palace.

It took longer to calm myself than it did to reach Merle's section of the castle. I knocked and entered, ignoring the wrinkle of my sister's sensitive nose. She could be smelling the dried blood on my back or the heartbreak oozing from my pores, but wisely said nothing.

Two others occupied the sitting room. A small, cat-eared girl with violet colored hair sat on the floor beside a tall, leanly muscled woman. She wore her sandy brown hair pulled back in a single long braid. Her hazel eyes were curious yet polite. I wouldn't expect anything else from Merle's best friend.

"Good morning, ladies," I greeted. Although the older Neko didn't call me out yet, Merle knew something was off. "Sorry to be rude, but Princess Eva, do you have a moment?"

A silent look passed between the two older women. My sister shrugged and her friend nodded, standing. She handed the one-year-old child back to her mother and followed me into the hallway. Of course, Merle would be able to hear everything through the door.

"Is everything alright?" she asks, concerned.

I find my poorly worn mask slipping slightly. "To be honest, I don't know, but I do have an important question to ask you."

 **To Be Continued…**

 **A/N- A few notes. For those of you who have read a few of my other stories, you might recognize Eva. A quick reminder. She is not me, I'll probably have a small cameo later on, Eva is a character that was made for a RP game (she was actually made to play Van's wife in a years later scenario), before I realized I'm too much of a Fic writer to play by their rules. Since she has already been mapped out it's easy to use her, over and over again. If it bothers you all I can edit the character name and description, but it won't really change the role played.**

 **Van mentioned inviting Arzas and Adom to Merle's wedding, so one is from the series the other is from the movie. For the purpose of this story they are both Fanelian villages. The wolf tribe resides in Arzas and the Nekos, the ones not living in the city are from Adom. I started bringing over one or two traits from the movie to spice up things in my stories, though they are purely series continuations. Merle's husband Wren is a Neko from Adom who joined up with Van's army after the war and quickly rose through the ranks. Van doesn't mention the man is a Neko since it doesn't matter to him, Merle's always been family regardless of race.**

 **I hope ya'll liked this chapter. A few people actually asked for Van's point of view. I was keeping this on the down low, but each chapter is going to alternate. Odd numbers are Hitomi and Even number will be from Van. Most of the time they won't be reliving the same exact event, but they will be happening at the same time. Not to give away any secrets, but the time fluctuations between the worlds might come into play, in the next couple chapters.**

 **I've had a ton of great reviews and a few have had an effect onto the story path. I normally send messages, but between the terrible internet and bad timing… well I hope to get to you guys eventually. Until then I can't wait to see what you think. Please Review.**


	3. Doubt

**Here we are again, better late than… well never won't happen. My muse is a fickle yet hyperactive thing. Sometimes I can stare at the same paragraph for days, but other times I can't put the damn computer down. I was supposed to be doing work yesterday, instead I wrote two thirds of chapter 4. If I can finish it today it will be awesome, but these are also times that can drag on. On that note…**

 **Broken Promises**

 **Chapter 3- Doubt**

 _ **Hitomi**_

It seems like I'm always running, but I'm never actually getting anywhere, spinning in constant circles. Just when I think I've started to move forward, I see the same signs of regression. Did I sabotage any chance at happiness? By giving in to my fantasies and Van for once, have I betrayed Izumi's trust? If my heart is really still set on the wild-haired king, why did I let him think it was meaningless? Will Van ever forgive me? Was it actually cheating? After all, it was just a dream, right?

Since that night, I've been haunted equally by the hurt I saw in Van's normally guarded eyes and the feel of his hands exploring my forbidden places.

I've dated Izumi for years, but the thought of him touching me in the same way as Van only makes my stomach upset. Despite being tired all the time, I no longer seem to sleep well. Maybe the stress is also why I don't have an appetite anymore or enjoy the things I used to.

Feeling guilty and genuinely terrible, I don't know how I have kept this pretense up for so long. Possibly I've managed so far, because it is still what is expected of me. I should be happy, glowing even. Instead, my skin, which never had an issue with zits even as a teen, now wears a constant break out, like a mark of sin.

The images of happy, beautiful, blushing brides have started to blur together. I know they are just models in wedding dresses, but the magazines spread out in front of me only bring more dread. So many choices, and I don't care about any of this. It's just an expensive waste of energy.

I've never felt so lost and alone in my old home as I do in this moment. I should be comforted by the steady chatter of my oldest friend and the warm, caring aura of my mother. Instead, I find myself uneasy. Things are moving so quickly, yet I'm stuck in place watching the world pass around me.

I should be happy, except the hurt on Van's face the moment I broke his heart replays over and over in my head. I have no choice but the relive the torture. I never said I was going to marry Izumi after everything that happened between us. Then again, his accusations that I only wanted to use him hurt me just as much. It's as though my childish fickleness has remained after all these years. Really, did he expect me to suddenly declare unending love and an instant desire to return to Gaia just because of a dream?

Plans have moved forward with the wedding despite my reluctance, and I don't know what I really want anymore. If love were enough, shouldn't I want to go back to Gaia, Fanelia, and Van? Then again, should I really be forced to give up the life I've worked so hard for, the happiness I've been able to grow on my own? How old-fashioned and chauvinistic it is to think that only a man can make you happy! I've learned years ago that you can't rely on such things to make you happy. Millearna taught me that; she was, is, a stronger woman than I am. You can't pin all your hopes on another person. It's not fair to either of you. Yet here I sit like a fool, hoping that someone can make this all better, praying that I haven't broken my own heart too.

It's been a lifetime since high school, but Yukari is still my greatest friend and ally. Because of my disappearance, Amano never joined his father in England. He argued to live with a relative and stay here in Japan. The change in plans kept him and Yukari together, and now they've been married six years. I'm glad that they get to live the dream: three children under five years old, a small house of their own, Amano's decent job, and enough love to survive on. It is true happiness, after all.

It would be petty to say that I was jealous of Yukari, and I would never want to take any of her happiness away. Why couldn't things just fall in place like that for me? Izumi is a good man. He's smart, capable, and really going to make something of himself. So, why do I have to imagine things differently just to fake any sort of enthusiasm for a future with him? Could I still be in love with Van?

What can I do now that I've pushed him away? This time I've hurt him enough to cut our connection, the one that spanned a decade. It is now completely gone. No matter how I try to reach Van, it's like the connection never existed.

I should be joyfully preparing for the next stage in my life, yet I can't stop myself from feeling like this is all one huge mistake. Will I grow to love Izumi, or am I trapping us both in an unhappy marriage just to salvage what others think is best for me?

At the very least, I recognize that right now my emotions are twisting, tangled webs of doubt. What would happen if I called off the wedding? Have I finally gotten to the point where I've hurt others more than enough? It feels like I've used up the last lucky card in my deck. No one will get out of this without more pain.

That night I gave into what I really wanted without any thought of the consequences. Van asked several times, as if he knew I'd regret being with him. The worst part is that he was right for the wrong reasons. I wouldn't change that night for anything, except for the terrible end. If anything, I want to revel in those stolen moments and tell Van how much all of it meant to me. Deep down, being with him may be what I've always wanted, but I'm not ready to leave this life behind.

The glossy magazine pages crumple under my overly rough turning, and Yukari has noticed finally. She snatches the book out of my abusive grasp with a huff. "Geeze, what did _Modern Brides_ ever do to you? Hitomi, what's wrong? You look like someone who's waiting on death row."

"Inmates probably have better reading material," I sulk moodily as my mother clicks her tongue at our unladylike banter.

"What has gotten into you lately?" Yukari askes with genuine concern. Her hand finds mine, and I want to blurt everything out. My oldest friend would understand. She remembers my disappearance and how things were when I returned.

I was on Gaia for more than three months, but when I returned, only one had passed back home. Even more unexplainable is that I never came back in the middle of the adventure. Yukari remembered the dragon attack and the strange boy who killed it. It seems when I sent myself home during the war, I wasn't actually there but some combined reality between the worlds.

I guess that my will was strong enough to carve a new plane of existence, giving me the chance to change my decision that fateful. I was reliving the memories of my last day before everything changed. If I hadn't called to Van, I don't know what would have happened. And if he hadn't come for me, could I have found my way out alone? Would I have continued to relive those last few days of normal life?

Before I can blurt out my confused emotions, a light bulb goes off in Yukari's mind. "Oh, I know!" she grins knowingly. "You're pregnant!"

Her excited words stun me into silence. It's impossible, right? I grasp for logic to prove her wrong, but what if those dreams took place in the middle reality? If Van and I have been calling to each other and actually meeting there, then that would explain how we could touch. What it left unanswered was the invisible wall that separated us for the last ten years and how Van defeated it for the first time.

My mother makes another disapproving noise. I feel her eyes studying me as if my face has all the answers.

"That's not funny, Yukari," I hedge weakly, not having a better response. My mind reels trying to count back to my last cycle, but I can't remember one in the last two months. That's how long it's been since that night.

"Really? Tell me I'm wrong." My friend leaned forward on the table, all magazines and wedding plans forgotten. "You're tired, moody, and have no appetite. You can't tell me that giant zit on your chin isn't from hormones. The first trimester is hell, and not everyone throws up. I didn't with the boys. The morning sickness was only bad with my Sachiko. You must be having a boy."

"That's an old wives' tale," my mother soothed. She didn't rebuff the entire theory though.

"I'm not…" I try to say _not pregnant,_ but the last word sticks in my throat sourly.

"I knew the whole virgin bride thing was a myth these days." Yukari grins wider. "You better set that wedding date for soon."

I'm saved by the chirping of Yukari's phone. I've never been so happy for her harried babysitter to call. Not that I want her oldest child throwing up, but it couldn't have happened at a better time for my sanity. With quick apologies and a promise to call for all the details later, she leaves.

Silence grows between my mother and me. She makes tea without asking if I want some and sits back down across from me without a word.

My symptoms do match. If we really did sleep together, it could be a possibility, albeit a terrible one. I couldn't lead Izumi on while pregnant with Van's child. If that is the case, do I have any option available other than running back to Gaia in shame?

"A baby right now would not be a good thing." My mother's soft words pulled me out of my spinning thoughts.

"How did you know?" She takes a sip of her tea and shoots me a look that says: _I know you better than anyone_. "No, it wouldn't be good." I agree letting the warmth of the tea cup soak into my hands, not drinking it but still taking comfort.

"I should tell you a quick story." With a sigh, my mother settles her cup back onto the table top. "When your Grandmother Yuri was a girl, she disappeared for a week. She came back with stories of another world, one beyond the moon, but that wasn't all she returned with."

I'd heard part of this story before when I first came back from Gaia, but the ending was entirely new. My mind spun, working out what she meant and how it related to my situation. With a gasp, I realized the words not said. "Grandfather wasn't your real dad."

"I didn't find out until I was a teenager myself." She nodded in solemn agreement. "Her family arranged the match quickly to save face. Just because people think it's what is best for you, doesn't mean that it will make you happy."

"Mother," I start, but she holds up a hand, silencing me with one motion.

"Izumi isn't the right person for you, and letting others' opinions choose for you isn't good for anyone." Somehow, it seems so simple when she says it. "Hitomi, it's up to you to figure out what will really make you happy. I'm your mother, so I'll always be on your side, no matter what. I just want you to follow your heart."

Moved, I reach for her hand, and she takes mine with a small smile. Mother was the one person who always believed me, always believed in me. She had such a secret kept inside all this time, but she shared it with me. Now, it was my turn.

"I don't know what to do." A tightness in my chest I hadn't realized was there, or had been holding on to for years, eases slightly. "Izumi has always been good to me. It doesn't seem fair to him, but I also don't know what other choices I have."

"What's his name?" I startle slightly at her simple question. Of all thing things asked of me, no one wanted to know this until now.

"Van. His name is Van." I close my eyes, imagining his wild raven hair caught on a strong spring breeze. "He is needed there, and I don't want to leave my life here."

"You love him regardless of distance." Mother's open expression showed she understood where my heart truly lies. Her next words come as a painful reality. "It's still an affair, even if it's just an emotional one. This has to end. You have to either end things with Izumi or let Van go."

"But I-" I start, but she quickly cuts me off.

"You don't need to convince me, dear, but he is still in your heart."

It sinks in fully, what she sees in me and everything standing between what I can have and what I actually want. That's why when I thought I could be with Van even just for a night, in a place removed from reality, I took it willingly. He was right; I was selfish, but he was also wrong.

I never intended to hurt Van, but after all this time, how could he expect anything different? What kind of future did he imagine for us? This path could only lead to more confusion and mutual self-destruction.

It was with those thoughts swirling I left my childhood home. Pushing Van away doesn't make me love him less. It only hurts me more, twisting and pulling me in every direction. What if there is a chance that there was another complication of that night?

A baby, Van's baby. As much as I fear the possibility, there is also this deep, indescribable feeling, something like joy and longing balled up into one emotion. Even as a grown woman, I am embarrassed to purchase that simple box covering a dual pack of tests. I feel eyes judging me, even when no one appears to be looking.

Everything changes depending on this result. Though my heart in in my throat as I wait the agonizing minutes for an answer, a new feeling grows that I can't give words to. Maybe it's hope. A small beeping of the little kitchen timer I've brought into the bathroom fills the narrow space.

Turning over the simple white plastic, I read the two windows. The result is clear. One line, not two, not pregnant.

Yukari's teasing made me think, made me see a parallel in my symptoms. It caused both panic and hope. My lack of appetite, constant fatigue, and moodiness were not signs of a child this time. Still, they seemed to start after that night. It must be a kind of depression, a loss of confidence in my path. If I am so unhappy that others have started to notice the change in me, then why am I doing this to myself?

I can't do it anymore. I won't marry Izumi, but that doesn't mean I must go running back to Van either. If I had turned out pregnant, then I wouldn't have had much of a choice. Although Japan is a modern society and has moved with the times, part of it will always be more traditional. An unmarried woman having a child is bad enough. There is no way she would be seen as a good role model to teenagers. I would have lost my job as a teacher in a heartbeat.

It wouldn't matter in the slightest that the possible child would be from a king. To people here Van is a figment of my imagination. They would start rumors and make accusations I could never fight. No one would listen.

So, as much as I am relieved to have one less complication in my life, I find disappointment a sour acid burning through me. A feeling of deep loss takes me by surprise. The thought of a child moves something powerful I never expected.

I do want a baby, one with Van, but I want it in the right way, and at the right time. Now is not it.

First, I have to end things with Izumi. Anything less isn't fair to him.

We have dinner plans tonight, and although I know this is something I must do, it will in no way be painless. No, this will probably be one of the hardest things I've ever done. If I can face a war and say goodbye to Van after everything we've been though, then this is just another trial.

I should have done this two months ago when I chose something with my heart, but it took longer to convince my mind. Maybe I had myself so convinced that it was just a dream, because then it wasn't really cheating. If it wasn't real, nothing had to change. Imaginary or not, I wanted that time with Van more than I have ever wanted anything in my life.

Taking a deep breath, I shove the spent pregnancy test into its box and thrust it into the bottom of my waste basket. I ball up handfuls of tissue paper for added coverage. Though it was negative, that test was still a red flag pointing at my sins. The last thing I need is Izumi seeing this and assuming something terrible. In all actuality, he wouldn't be far off, but it's better this way.

People say omitting the truth is a kind of lying. I don't love Izumi, but I do still care for him. If I can save him a little bit of pain in this, I will. Taking my time, I dress as I would if the date was still on, one of my nicer dresses, a bit of makeup, and just a little styling to my short hair. As I was trying to decide if I should wear a necklace or not, my eyes dart over the small calendar I keep on my dresser. If I had thought about checking it, I wouldn't have been so out of my mind earlier. I marked my last period a couple of weeks ago. Nothing was missed; I just didn't pay it much mind with everything else going on. My period the month before was probably right on schedule too. Yukari's theory had just burrowed so quickly into my mind, blank with fear and regret. How easy it is to influence someone with a suggestion like that. It's pretty astonishing how thought, logic even, can be swayed.

A quick knock at the door drew me back into the present. Izumi, punctual as always. I've run out of time. This is it.

I greet him and turn my head at the last second, making his kiss land on my cheek. A crease appears between his brows, showing he noticed. Thankfully, his good manners keep him from saying anything.

"You look lovely," he says, looking me over. Suddenly, I'm very conscious of the dip of my neckline and the extra skin shown there.

"Thank you." I dip my head, a little shy. "Would you like some tea?"

"Yes, that would be nice," he agrees with a smile. "We have some time before our reservation."

Glad to have something to busy myself with, I shuffle over to the tiny kitchen area and fill a kettle full of water from the tap. Turing on the burner, I hear him ask to wash his hands and I nod wordlessly. It's another small blessing. At least for a few minutes, I won't feel him watching my every move.

With a job to do, my hands seem steadier, less afraid. Setting up cups, measuring the tea leaves, then all I could do is wait for the water to boil. Izumi returns from the bathroom, and I expect him to take a seat at my small table. Instead, he surprises me by silently moving directly behind me, strong hands circling my waist intimately.

"Izumi!" Shocked, I try to pull away, but the grip on my hips tightens almost painfully. "What has gotten into you?"

I try not to cringe as his lips brush my neck, moist breaths puffing against the sensitive skin. "Can't I show my fiancé some attention?" This time he gives me just enough room to turn around. Steam begins to hiss lightly from the kettle spout as water starts to boil in the tea pot on the stove.

"Please, the tea is almost ready," I beg, trying uselessly to move out of his grasp. My hands are on his shoulders. I can see into his eyes, and something dark lingers in their depths, making me freeze.

"It can wait, Hitomi." The words are low. They shouldn't scare me, but they do. With a little force, he shoves me back, so I collide with the wall. A small thump sounds from the impact. When Van had me in a similar position, I was never afraid like this. Nervousness churns my stomach like stormy waters.

"Please, Izumi!" It comes out as a soft plea, almost whine. This is the second time a man has pressed me against a wall, but this time is a far less pleasant experience.

"Is something wrong?" It should sound caring, but the threatening edge makes my skin crawl anxiously. Then I notice something in his right hand, a slip of folded white paper. It's the instructions from my earlier misadventure with a pregnancy test. Having never taken one before, I checked how long I needed to wait several times, just to be sure. Distracted by the result, I must have left it by the sink in the bathroom by mistake.

Shame colored my cheeks. What did he want me to do? Admit what I did was wrong? Beg his forgiveness? Outrage flared through my veins. What gave him the right to toy with me like this?

"Stop it, Izumi." I push him away just enough to squeeze past. Still rattled, I turn off the heat down under the kettle, which had started to change pitch with the rapid boiling.

"Who is he?" The fight leaves me slightly. After all, I did cheat. He spent three years being patient with me, and I chose another man who only spoke to me once in that whole time.

"Does it matter?" I sigh, leaning on the narrow counter heavily. The darkness in his eyes makes sense to me now, pain. Guilt weighs heavily. "I'm-"

"Pregnant?" he questions, cutting me off quickly.

"Sorry."

"Is that all you have to say to me?" His brows furrow in confusion. Izumi is a good man; he would never hurt me. Unfortunately, I can't say the same.

"What do you want me to say?" My shoulders sag. I should try to explain myself, but I can't.

His fists clench for a moment, only a moment though. He turns away and heads for the door. Izumi stops short of leaving. The defeated hunch to his shoulders reminds me of how Van looked as he left believing I had used him. Now this man too will carry the wounds of my broken promises.

"I never stopped loving him." If I speak from my heart and let it all go, can I end this painful cycle of hurting and being hurt? "It wasn't planned. I didn't think I'd ever see him again, but I also never meant to hurt you."

"Would you have told me?" His question is soft, but Izumi is looking at me again.

"Honestly, I don't know." The truth is I was preparing myself to end thing, but coming entirely clean wasn't in the plan. "Izumi, I do care for you, but it won't be enough. You deserve better, someone that loves and thinks only of you. For a while, I thought that could be me."

Removing the oversized ring, I take a few steps forward, holding it out. His sad eyes look at it like a foreign object he's never seen before. After a few slow heartbeats, Izumi lets me drop it into his palm. My fingertips brush his warm skin, and it feels like a bolt of lightning shoots through me.

I know, pretty much everything. He wants to threaten me, to injure me emotionally, but my honesty makes him think twice. In a way, I've hurt his pride more than anything. He'll move on to a woman who shares more than general conversation and can actually make him happy. This is better in the long run, although it doesn't feel that way right now.

Once he's gone, my knees go weak, sliding down to the floor in relief. I haven't had a vision that strong in a very long time. It makes me miss Van terribly. He'd understand. I wonder if that stubborn man would ever speak to me again.

I guess at this point it all depends on how long it takes me to get back to Gaia. There are still things I need to take care of here: family, friends, and life's loose ends. Who knows? Maybe I've hurt Van too badly this time, but I won't know until I try.

Emotionally, I should be drained after the day I've had, from wedding dresses to a broken engagement. All I can think of are the beginnings of an exit strategy. I feel more like myself than I have in a very long time. It won't always be easy, this road I'm traveling, but it will be entirely worth it. After all, those stolen moments I shared with Van, once in a dream, were the happiest in my entire life.

 **To Be Continued…**

 **A/N- This chapter went through a lot of changes. I had a concerned reviewer asking that Hitomi not be pregnant. It was the original plan. I've only written one pregnancy story and it was a teenage one. This time they are adults. After that request I started thinking, a baby would become a central focus. Van and Hitomi don't need that complication, they have enough problems to get through as it is.**

 **Izumi also changed, he was going to be more of a villain, and cause Hitomi to lose her job. She was going to lose everything she worked for because the pain caused by that night of passion. Instead I thought about it, she may not love him but she wouldn't be that close to someone who wasn't a good person. He's a bit arrogant, and a touch self-centered, but that is part of what made him attractive and a good doctor. Also, originally, he was going to suspect the pregnancy, because of his training.**

 **Hitomi's mother was always supportive, now we see she had her own secret. Ha ha! Threw in an old school conspiracy theory. Some people believe that Allen is actually Hitomi's uncle which makes their flirtation, and kiss worse… even though a 15-year-old girl with a 21-year-old man was bad enough. If Allen's father Leon and Hitomi's grandmother did more than talk during her visit (the first one not the time she was called when he was dying) than the two are related. It wasn't focused on here after the shock factor, Hitomi had more on her mind. It will come back into play later.**

 **Well?! I can't wait to hear what you think! So, please take a minute to let me know!**


	4. Judgement

**Woot! Quick turn around on this one. I thought about holding on to this until I got more done on chapter 5, but I've had a rough day. Really rough… like I've been under so much stress I've developed a really annoying eye twitch, at least one Panic attack, and a few break downs, I was so upset today I made myself sick. Writing, this story, my reviews, you guys. Pretty much my only stress relief.**

 **This chapter pretty much wrote itself in less than two days. Meghanna got sick and still was able to edit in record time. I really hope you enjoy this chapter, it was fun to write. Also my laptop crashed yesterday. It's still acting funny and that's not good. Might be a longer wait for the next chapter so enjoy this.**

 **Broken Promises**

 **Chapter 4 – Judgement**

 _ **Van**_

The soft soles of my boots barely make a sound, yet the eyes that follow my movement are trained on me as if I were setting off a giant alarm. I feel like prey in a room full of hunters. What's worse is that I invited these vultures. After all, it's my engagement party.

In the last ten years, I have attended more events like this than I can count. Many of the same people attend every gathering. They wear clothes and jewels worth more than a decent sized farmstead. These people strut around the room as if they own the world, and in some cases, aren't that far off. I've never felt like one of them, a warrior stranded in a sea of soft diplomats.

It takes me back more than a few years to an event very similar to this. I was only a nineteen-year-old king establishing myself in the political world, and though many of the older rulers remained skeptical, a strong, independent Fanelia was quickly gaining respect from the rest of the world. I'll never completely bury my reputation as a hot-headed pilot, even if I do remain true to Folken's vision for a Gaia without war, unnecessary pain, and death. Doing so doesn't mean I stuck my head in the sand and closed my small country off from others, letting the power plays and plots go unchecked. Instead, a constant flow of information was the best form of defense.

Never again will we be blind to the schemes and maneuvers of others. These parties give the perfect opportunity to learn while others preen like colorful birds. I've been listening to a Basramian noble complain about high silk prices when an Asturian woman with golden hair and smoky grey eyes slides in next to me. I know her only by reputation, the Widow Elina Stuart, a woman with close ties to many and a knack for being at the right place at the right time.

"I'll wager you learn nothing but the price of his wardrobe," she whispered conspiratorially, a sparkle of humor in her mysterious eyes.

"Too late," I mutter in return, making her hide a sly smile behind the delicately painted fan held in one slender hand. Throughout the night, we gravitated towards each other, not romantically, but just as good company. As the evening began to wind down and most of the guests started to make their way towards their expensive coats and the door, something changed.

I thanked Widow Stuart for an interesting evening. In return, she smiled like a sly kitsune, closing her fan with a swish. "I could teach you far more than how to survive a society function."

No one was near enough to hear, but I still checked nervously. She was not an old or unattractive woman. At twenty-eight moons she was nine years my senior and a widow since her husband passed during the war, leaving her wealthy and childless.

Knowing the direction of my thoughts, Elina remained unconcerned. "King Van, the things I could teach are not traditional lessons. One day you will marry, either for love or responsibility. I know not which, but your wife will deserve a knowledgeable husband."

Thank the gods for my darker skin tone. If I was as light as Allen, the whole room would notice the flush burning my ears and the back of my neck. She talks of bedroom acts so casually, yet I must clear my dry throat twice before words will come out. "I-I do not seek a lover."

"I have not offered to be one." Her eyes sparkle with amusement at my discomfort. "Merely a mentor in the ways of women. You are not like most men of your position, which is why I offer."

Still a little off guard, but curiosity has started outweighing embarrassment. "What do you mean?"

"Well, many men in your position dally with lesser ladies or chambermaids. Power and money gives them freedom. They are not judged for seeking pleasure as others are. It is almost expected." She waves one hand in an offhanded manner. "You, my lord, have shown no interest in such activities. Beneath the crown, you are a normal young man, and what better way to learn than with a willing teacher?"

Flushing deeper, I shake my head. "As generous an offer as it is, I will have to decline."

"That is unfortunate." She elegantly moves as if to leave. A few people linger in the room, and our remaining presence will soon be noticed. "There are many lessons I could teach: the secret places which give the most pleasure, how to extend activities for both parties, and, of course, how to prevent accidents. No man starts out as a master swordsman. Every novice needs an experienced teacher, but I understand your hesitation."

As if by accident, she drops the decorative fan beside my feet. "If you have a servant return that before I leave, I will understand and not offer again. If you do change your mind and find me, it will be as an acceptance."

Before I can respond, the beautiful woman has swept away, seeming to be the model of modesty and decorum to the remaining guests. How would the world view our exchange? A wealthy widow presenting such a lewd offer to a man many moons her junior, but not an unreasonable age difference, still unconventional. Under the awkwardness, there is logic to her proposal.

If Hitomi comes back, would this be considered unfaithful? We never spoke promises that we would most likely break. We were just children then. Who knows the feelings of another? I will always love her, but maybe with maturity we will grow different feelings. Loving her doesn't mean I'll always be in love with her. What if she chooses a life on her world?

It's a painful possibility but not outside the realm of reality. The delicate fan feels like a heavy weight in my hand. The next thing I know, I've strode out of the room, passing wordlessly by several servants. My timing was just so; I spotted the Widow accept a helping hand up into her carriage.

She spots me and the knowledge in her grey eyes nearly makes me flush again. "Lady Stuart, I believe you dropped this in the ballroom." I hold out the fan, and to watchers, it seems like the most innocent of exchanges.

"Thank you, my lord." She takes the painted silk and bone while leaving a small square of folded paper in my palm without anyone else being the wiser. "I would have missed it dearly. It is my favorite."

With that, I step back, letting her carriage roll away into the night. She knew I would follow her; those eyes colored like rain clouds told me as much. Her note only held an address, written with a flourish. That night I met her alone, and we talked into the small hours. I think she knew I wouldn't be comfortable with anything else. The next meeting wasn't quite as innocent as she disrobed early on, if only to give a very detailed anatomy lesson. As I became less awkward, the lessons became more physical.

We met like this off and on for about six months. Not frequently enough to cause suspicion, but my diplomatic trips to Austuria did increase for a time. During our lessons, she taught me many useful things, including how to best use the thick calluses built from years of swordsmanship without causing discomfort in the most sensitive places. No two women being the same, the best lessons included learning to read my partner's cues and desires. It proved a useful trick for many situations.

Only Merle seemed to notice a change in me, but she would of all people. I carried myself with more confidence and pride, something that grew from a deeper understanding of myself as well.

In that short time as student and mentor, we only had two disagreements. The first was for me to remove the pink pendant when we were together, because Elina claimed the strangeness of its perfect swing distracted her. Secondly, I always finished on the sheets, which she complained was starting to make the maids who washed them talk. I understood that Elina had accepted being barren as her lot in life, but I refused to take that risk. For all I knew, it could have been the husband's fault they never conceived. Both requests were met by resounding " **No's"** on my side of the argument.

Things ended on good terms when she felt I had learned all that could be taught by her. Also, I never quite shook the feeling that I was being unfaithful to Hitomi. Over the years, our communication and meetings had become more and more infrequent. I could feel her pulling away, striving to live a life on her terms there, but the farther she grew from me the more it hurt.

Now I meet Elina's eyes across the room with a friendly nod. She is in close conversation with a young noble, and I see the fan drop by his feet with a knowing smile. It's been six years, and the game still seems to be working for her. After all, masters of their craft always seek new students to teach.

The widow at least didn't lead to a scandal unlike the only other physical relationship I've participated in, Arianne Belize. Thankfully, she is not here this evening. Shortly after Hitomi came to me asking permission to love another man, I met the daughter of an Edzigardian merchant who frequented Fanelian court with our improved world standing. She was everything the seer wasn't: petite, curvy, and completely uninterested in marriage.

Having a gaggle of already married siblings, Arianne wanted to follow in her father's footsteps, not her mother's. In Edzigaria, women's rights were a bit more liberal, and it wasn't unheard of for ladies to wear slacks or choose their own husbands. I respected her strong will, and I tried to convince myself that I didn't see another girl's face when we were together, a different voice panting my name. No, I tangled my fingers through hair that was much too long and dark for my taste.

One such time we lay together in a room rented under fictional names. Still damp with sweat from our activities, I watched the two moons hang silently in the dark sky. Silky hair the color of strong kafe tickled my jaw as Arianne molded herself to my side. I felt hollow and alone despite being physically the opposite, tensing as her fingers began to play with the pendent laying on my chest.

"Stop that," I said shortly, not caring if it came off as rude.

"Why does it bother you. Van?" Arianne's lilting voice asked, unbothered by the edge in mine. "It's a bit feminine for a king to wear after all. Was it your mother's?"

I gripped her fingers that hadn't heeded my warning, almost too roughly. "It doesn't matter. Just leave it alone."

Pulling her hand back quickly, Arianne sat up, appearing wounded by my harshness. "I only ask because I care for you." As good an actress as she was, her lavender eyes remained dry. "We don't ever speak. Are you just using me for my body?"

"Are you doing this to use my connections?" I respond sharply with my own accusation. "The way I see it, we both have our own goals that have little to do with an emotional connection."

The hurt act drops as quickly as it began. She shrugged narrow shoulders, drawing my eyes to the perky breasts, bare and tempting. "It is still a mutual relationship, is it not?"

"Then leave it at that," I grumble darkly.

Her only response was to roll on top of me with a smirk. I knew the conversation wasn't done, and I had gotten myself into more trouble than I had counted on.

Although physically compatible, she always wanted more than I was willing to give. Eventually, we hadn't been as careful or as clever as we thought, and rumor of our involvement began to circulate. For the merchant's daughter, it could have only have ended two ways. I could claim responsibility and marry a woman I had grown to dislike outside the bedroom, or she could leave in shame, a woman tossed aside by a king.

Of all the things she was, stupid was not one of them. Arianne chose a third option. She claimed ours was merely a flirtation blown out of proportion by rivals, but that she secretly loved another. Protecting my reputation, the girl that never wanted to marry did, to a lesser noble who was daft enough to believe her. It didn't hurt that he owned a sizeable amount of land which included a port on a popular trade route.

It couldn't have ended any other way. Merle especially had hated the merchant's daughter from the start. "She looks at you like a trophy to be won and kept on her shelf for all to see," the keen Neko had commented sharply upon meeting Arianne. My sister, as it turns out, is a better judge of character than I am.

Merle knew Hitomi would break my heart before I ever did. Then again, if I had that knowledge up front, it wouldn't have changed anything. I still would have fallen for the seer, the strange girl from the Mystic Moon. Bound to return home and leave me, as everyone I love does. Everyone aside from Merle.

Of the three women I have lain with, Hitomi is the only one I regret. Now I know what she tastes like, and no one of my fantasies can compare. She's a ghost of memory that will haunt me, forever reminding me of what I lost. I have been beat, bruised, torn apart from the inside out, but this pain never seems to fade. It's been half a year, and I can still feel her blunt nails digging into the flesh of my back. The physical wounds are long healed, but the scars from our parting remain.

Now I will marry another, a woman who has been a friend and confidant. I can trust Eva, but could I love her when I remain twisted up over the one I let get away? I have to burn Hitomi from my memory, but in doing so, I fear I will lose a vital part of myself.

Making another circle of the room, I am caught by an older man, Ambassador Leiry of Daedlus. He says all the normal things, predominantly congratulations on my upcoming marriage. What he really means is, "Why didn't you choose a lady from my country?"His questions soon turn more pointed, wanting to know what it means for Fanelia to have closer ties to Cessiro.

A warm hand finds my elbow. Eva appears easily at my side as if summoned. Her open smile disarms the man effortlessly. Raised royal, she has all the political fineness of a natural born queen, although she, like Millearna, is a third daughter, never expected to rule normally. I was a spare son myself until Folken failed. What I've come to rely on most about the woman at my side isn't her conversational skills, but the blunt frankness only those she trusts are privy to. The ambassador leaves, and I just barely hear her mutter "blustering windbag." Her same charming smile remains firmly in place.

It reminds me that as far as political marriages are concerned, she was the only logical choice. It goes all the way back to our first meeting. It was just over two years after the war ended and Fanelia's stability had grown along with our inclusion in world matters. This also meant participating in events purely to be seen. Before the war, Fanelia kept separate from the rest of the world's political climate, choosing to be more independent even if it hobbled our resources and growth.

Every year, Cessiario held a tournament of sorts, and this was our first year participating alongside the larger countries. It was a prime place to gather information, garner allies, and keep tabs on possible problems. The atmosphere was festive, and powerful men from around the world relaxed their guard.

I was included in the swordsmanship portion of the event. I still trained every chance my schedule allowed, but no one has seen me fight since the war. As I sat with the other competitors waiting my turn, a good amount of attention and speculation remained focused on me. I chose to appear relaxed all the while observing everything. A Basramian contestant to my left had been boasting about the new Melif units his garrison had recently acquired, valuable information I would be quietly looking into very soon.

The section of seating directly behind myself and the other contestants has been reserved for the family of participants or high-ranking officials. That is where Merle sat, technically the teenage Neko was both, but appeared to be neither. There had been some muttering when she originally sat there, but it had quickly subsided with one exception.

A young man located one row up from her began making snide comments. The longer she ignored his rudeness, the more persistent he became in his taunting. He got louder as the competition progressed, and his alcohol consumption apparently continued as well.

Unwilling to make a larger scene, I had to remain in my chair, more for Merle's benefit than my own. It was becoming exceedingly difficult not to strangle the cretin.

"Who brought the pet?" he jeered, laughing at his own bad joke. Eventually, the man took it too far, yanking roughly on one of Merle's large sensitive ears. "Can't you hear me with these big things? Animals should stay outside where they belong."

At her yelp of pain, I went statue still, filled with shock and fury equally. I no longer cared what people thought, preparing to defend my sister as she has always been ready to protect me. Instead, a girl around my age, who sat a few chairs down from me, turned around. She spoke clearly, cutting through the commotion.

"I wouldn't do that if I were you." Her voice spoke evenly as if warning someone of a dangerous situation without spooking them. Though the tone was light, there was steel in her hazel eyes. At first, I thought it was directed at me, but her attention remained on the offending man. "Do you know who that is you're messing with?"

"Mind your own business, bitch," he barked out, not liking her intrusion. A bright flush rose on his cheeks, either from anger or the drink. It was hard to tell.

Unfazed by the sudden hostility, the girl raised both empty hands into the air defensively, palms out, showing she meant no harm. "Just trying to help." She shrugged as if the result didn't matter much to her. "It's you're funeral."

The obnoxious man puffed up arrogantly. "Do you know who I am?" His self-important smirk made my hands shake with building tension.

"Doesn't really matter. After all, you've just chosen to insult the King of Fanelia's sister." She responded with another unconcerned shrug. "I'm sure the rumors of his terrible temper and deadly fighting skills are **vastly** exaggerated." I could tell she was deliberately using certain words to raise his anxiety.

As if on cue, the troublemaker locked eyes with my shadowed gaze. I didn't have to play along with the girl to appear pissed off, because the emotion was very real. He paled instantly, muttering a quick excuse and making an even faster departure.

Before I could say anything to the girl, an announcer called for the next contestant, "Princess Eva la Cessiar, please take your position."

From the murmurs, it seemed like it wasn't the first time the name was called.

With an embarrassed smile, Merle's unlikely hero stood. She appeared much taller in reality, hefting a large kite shield with the royal crest of Cessirio painted on its face. She snorted lightly as if sharing an obvious joke. "Silly thing, always makes me such a huge target."

That was my first impression of Eva. Honest, fearless, and a bit strange. Always willing to stand up for what she thought was right, regardless of the outcome. This woman now stands by my side ready to take the attention as my fiancé and in a half years' time as my wife.

The only times I've ever seen her meek or nervous are the few occasions her sisters have visited Fanelia. Something about the two older princesses brings out Eva's insecurities. They treat her like a child and a disappointment. Regan, the oldest, looks more like she could be from Asturia with her straight blond hair and crystal blue eyes, while Seren has the same coloring as Eva but with a much less forgiving disposition.

Out of the three, Seren is the only one that will never be a queen, and I think that bothers her more than she lets on. Her sharp tongue and critical eyes can make my fiancé instantly act like a kicked dog. Regan is less so, but as the most charismatic sister, she's gotten used to being the one in command of any situation. Easy to say, I am always grateful for the shortness of their visits.

Now I steer us away from the two women and their nice, if equally docile, husbands. I don't need to hear the pair critique Eva about the hue of her dress, style of her honey colored hair, or any other non-existent fault they find.

Gratefully, I see Merle heading in our direction. I note the seriousness masking her normally expressive features. I let her separate us from the crowd.

"What's wrong?" I ask, getting directly to the point.

"Wren found something disturbing you should see." Voice low, I watch her striped tail swish sharply back and forth with agitation. "This way."

Without waiting for a response, Merle heads for the door, saying brief yet polite "hello's" along the way. We try to appear as if everything is normal, though someone is bound to notice us missing from the event rather quickly.

Almost out the door, an obstacle blocks our escape. "Sneaking out of your own party, how scandalous." Slightly shorter than her younger sister and a little thicker in the middle, Seren smiles, but it doesn't reach her eyes. "I do hope nothing improper is happening here."

"Just getting some fresh air," I respond evenly, wanting nothing more than to push her out of the way. I chance a look at Merle who jumps in quickly.

"Princess, do you have a moment?" The Neko steers her away smoothly. I don't know what she asked, but it did the trick as Eva and I are able to make it into the hall unaccosted. Unfortunately, I forgot to ask my sister where her husband was waiting for us, but there was a clue for us to follow.

As much time as Eva has been spending in Fanelia in the past few months, I've gotten very familiar with her personal guard. One of them stands on guard just outside a parlor door. It should be empty tonight, but his short rust colored hair stands like a beacon. I think his name is Ace or Mace, something like that.

She tenses at my side seeing him. "Jace, what's happened?"

So that was it. His eyes drop to where her hand still rests on my forearm. It's only a second, but I still take note of the hardness of his features. Interesting.

"Commander Wren is waiting inside." We call him General, but I understand the respect in the word. The solider steps aside for us.

Entering the room, the first thing I see is my brother-in-law looking grim by the open window. Wren, like most Nekos I've met, is tall and leanly muscled. The speed and agility he possesses makes him one of my best warriors. His normally calm demeanor is rigid, almost humming with tension. Large spotted ears twitch at our entry, but he remains by the window breathing deeply.

"Lord Van," he starts, running a clawed hand through his deep purple hair, a color he passed on to my niece. "Doing a round of the hall, I found something disturbing you should see."

A single box sat alone and unwrapped on top of a table there, the gilded paper carefully removed. Inside The gift held a grisly sight, a pair of white severed wings that once belonged to some type of bird. Now the stink of old blood hangs in the air and explains why Wren, with his far more sensitive nose, could barely breathe. It was probably the smell that alerted him to the threat.

No written note was needed; this was a message for me. Eva didn't understand the meaning. She couldn't. I've yet to tell her my secret. It's not an issue of trust, but something deep down always stops me.

After all, my curse is merely a legend to most these days. Someone wanted me to know they hadn't forgotten. The rest of their purpose was yet to be discovered, but the warning was loud and clear. They wouldn't stop with a bird next time. One day it was my wings they would be after.

The event came to a close without any other incident. Allen found me in my study after the rest of the guests had departed and Eva had turned in with that guard a silent sentinel at her door.

He entered the room silently without introduction or fanfare, as had become our tradition. The long-haired knight looked as though he was unchanged by time. The same golden hair long but now tied low, uniform immaculate, and a calm knowing manner in place.

"You're getting married." He spoke evenly, gauging my reaction while pouring two glasses of rich amber liquid and handing me one. "Why do you not seem happier about this?"

"It was the only decision to make." There was so much I didn't say, like the way things ended so poorly with Hitomi. "But still, I had hoped that it can be more. Not as king and queen, but as two people with like minds."

"How romantic," he said dryly, sipping his drink slowly.

I set down the alcohol untouched. "My people-"

"I'm not talking about your country or hers," Allen quickly cut me off, his tone hard as a Melif's armor. "I'm talking about you. I know you, Van, and it won't be enough."

"It will have to be enough," I bit out harshly temper flaring, but my tone didn't even phase the knight. Suddenly tired, I tossed myself into an armchair.

Allen sighed heavily. He set down his glass, moving to sit across from me. His gloved hands weave together thoughtfully. "Listen to an old bachelor. There is a difference between first love and true love. Both are one-time things, but the second you never recover from."

Years ago, we had a long talk in which I mostly listened. I knew all about Marlene and how he was willing to run away with the oldest princess of Asturia. She had been his charge and falling in love was the most dangerous thing a young knight could ever do. Choosing instead to marry the Duke of Freid who was years her senior, Marlene saved Allen's career and possibly his life, but she broke his heart in the process.

All the complicated romantic entanglements during the war only left him numb. At nearly thirty-two, Allen had officially given up on love, devoting his life to taking care of Selena.

The truth started pouring out of my mouth. "Hitomi and I didn't always agree on everything, but I never doubted that she was doing what she thought was right. Even now, sometimes I just wish she were here."

"She was your first love. Nothing can ever replace that, but you were children." I met his sapphire eyes, hoping to see the answer there. I only see more questions. "Even you see the world differently now that you are a grown man. It's understandable that Eva and you don't fit seamlessly together yet, and you won't unless you both are willing to compromise."

"What if we don't? What if I can't?" My words tumbled out, sounding so much younger and less sure than I had in years. Wordlessly, Allen stood, his gloved hand giving my shoulder a firm squeeze. He paused at the door before leaving.

His last words were soft, but they echoed through my mind long after my old friend went to bed. "Doubts like this will only grow. Don't let this become your greatest mistake."

 **To Be Continued…**

 **Well?! A lot of new characters, I try to keep the originals to the minimum since Lost and Found. Some of these are important others we may never see again. Wren, Merle's husband will get more flushed out more in future chapters, but as he's a calm steadfast person, except when it comes to his family.**

 **We've now met the other two women Van's been with, so it shows a bit more of the man he's become and how much he still loves Hitomi. We see how Merle and Eva became best friends. Of all the people Van has around him Allen isn't afraid to tell the blunt truth. Who knows if it comes from the old war friend he might listen, or he could still be a stubborn hot head and might not.**

 **So we know Hitomi isn't pregnant, yes Forty Four that was a direct result of your request, but I did it because it changed the path of the story for the better. Not because I was avoiding becoming another pregnancy story. It's funny that a commonly used train of thought is that all it takes is one time and boom baby. Everybody is different and yes it was a risk, but it says more that Van spent months with two different women and never took that chance once. One night with Hitomi and he throws caution into the wind, apparently along with his heart.**

 **Jossie31 it is very good to have you back. I know the angst makes you nervous, but don't worry it will be worth it. Also, this story isn't M rated for just the beginning more action to come.**

 **Lastly the wording of how his relationship with Arianne ended could be construed as she ended up pregnant (wasn't as careful as he thought), but no they were caught together. Either directly or someone pieced together where the king disappeared to in town. With Eliana he was more discrete, visiting her home in Asturia where only she and her most trusted servants knew when he was going to be there.**

 **Alright it's your turn. Let me know what you think.**

 **Post Scrip- I changed the title the guard used for Wren. I wanted to show the difference in military structure a little clearer**


	5. Complicated

**Still playing catch-up in life, but on the other hand this story is going strong. Funny thing is chapter 6 was easier to write as Van's voice tends to flow more smoothly for me. I reliy on my betas both past and present to help my keep Hitomi's voice as realistic as possible. Thank you Meghanna Starsong and Jossie31. It was after a long conversation with Jossie that I couldn't stop writing… chapter 6 which was completed in record time, this one took a bit more coaxing.**

 **Reviews, questions, conversation they all help more than you all will ever know. I have a hyper active muse, she doesn't always like to focus, but the simplest comment has been known to start inspiration. Actually, last week I chatted with Meghanna so much I lost my voice. Though I now have someone who knows spoilers other than me. The story is completely mapped out up to chapter 9ish and might have between 10 and 13 Chapters. There has been a strong request to show a bit more of life after the action, so I am taking it under very strong advisement.**

 **The story after this is already in the works, as is the one after that, but as active as that muse is she is also fickle so that could all change quickly. Though this looks like it will be one of my longer stories, I hope it will remain interesting.**

 **Broken Promises**

 **Chapter 5 – Complicated**

 _ **Hitomi**_

Frustrated, I put the cards back into the worn silk bag used to protect and keep them. It's been years since I've handled the stylized tarot faces. It takes me back to the war, but it's been long enough that the memories don't cause me pain. I can see the good times along with the bad, and I am grateful; things could have been so much worse.

I healed from the terrible things that I witnessed and the accompanying guilt, but I always wondered if I could have done more, helped more. If only I hadn't been so afraid to use powers that I didn't understand. In the end, it was my dream visions that first year after the war that saved me. He wasn't always the most eloquent talker, but he listened. Having someone that understood healed my invisible wounds.

Those times were bittersweet, and I would do just about anything to have that time back. I've tried everything I could think of to reach out to Van. Calling in my dreams continued to go unanswered. Trying to use my cards didn't work in the slightest. I even resorted to retrieving the fragile feather I saved. Van's feather seems to have lost its bright, almost glowing sheen over the years. I had hoped it at the very least would have a connection to the distant king.

I had been determined to live my life on my terms. Choosing to stay with my friends and family also meant keeping a distance between Van and me. The thought makes me freeze with a sudden realization. It was me that kept us apart for all those years. If the dreams really happened in that place between our worlds, then the invisible wall was of my own construction. My will to separate myself from Van formed into a barrier forcing us to stay apart.

That way I wouldn't change my mind. Wouldn't give up everything and go running back, back to a place where I lived through war and pain, back to Van. Returning would give my life a set track, impossible to deviate from the expected. Travel back to Fanelia, marry, become his queen, and start having babies. In a medieval land without modern medicine, with so much I still don't understand, and people who would always see me as an outsider.

No, in some cases love just isn't enough. So, I kept us a part. Well, at least until that night. Four months ago when Izumi proposed, I was so emotionally confused, torn between what I really desired and what I should want. When Van appeared, my guard dropped and I wanted to lose myself entirely. That's how he was able to tear through what was always an impenetrable shield like it was tissue paper. Somewhere deep down, I still held on to the separation between us, and that had to be why not all the barrier dissolved.

If I had decided then that a future with Van was worth giving up everything, I bet anything the wall would have been gone. I could have easily just gone back with him. Like the time he came for me during the war, the difference between then and now was this time I wasn't ready to go.

I kept us apart all those years. I don't regret living my own life, but losing my connection to Van has cut off every way I know to get back now. I must have some path left open. After tying up some lose ends, which took about a month, I spent the entire next one trying without the slightest hint of success. I packed my things, moved out of my apartment, and I even resigned from my job.

In the interim, I moved back into my childhood home and have been spending time with Yukari and my mother. It's been good for me, though explaining it all to Yukari was the most difficult part. She was disappointed I wasn't getting married or having a baby, but ultimately my friend just wanted me to be happy. Even if that meant we'd never see each other again.

As far as loose ends go, Izumi was the easiest and most difficult at the same time. Things had already finished between us, but three years of history wasn't so quickly dissolved. I'd hurt him deeply, and calling things off only made it all the more complicated.

Speaking of complex situations, I've tried to talk to my mother about her biological father, but as understanding as she has been about my messed-up life, this is the one thing she didn't want to discuss. As it turns out, she knew very little about what happened on Gaia, only that the man was nearly twice her mother's age and that he died before she was born. All signs pointed to Leon Sheazar, Allen's father. That meant the long-haired knight would be family, my uncle to be exact.

All this makes me think back to my school-girl crush and that awkward kiss in the rain. Something always felt wrong, and it was almost like the blond man was being manipulated. Regardless, it wouldn't have ended well. Now I know he's family, although I have no idea how Allen will take the news.

Time has always been a strange thing between the two worlds. I know Allen was eleven when Celena, who was only five at the time, had disappeared. Their father had left years before that in search of the Mystic Valley and the Draconians' secret. On that journey, he had met my grandmother, who on her way to a spring festival was bathed in a pillar of bright light.

Who knows the truth of her travels? During one of the dream visits I had with Van after I returned, he speculated that grandmother's trip might have happened around the time Folken failed in the rite of dragon slaying. What if she was supposed to save the crown prince, just as I had, for his younger brother ten years later? Instead, she was drawn to the Leon Sheazar and spent what could have been days or weeks with the historian. Grandmother went home but was called back in what could have been years later for him. Strangely enough, it was the same night for her. However long it took in time between their meeting and the beginning of the war, my mother was born, grew up, had me, and I turned fifteen.

If only ten years passed between her visit and mine, then how much time passed on Earth? What causes the time differences and the rotation to change? I guess I'll never know, but at the very least Gaia and Earth had been in sync for the entire time since I left. At least it was until my connection with the young king was broken. I can only hope that not too much time has passed.

I just wish I knew how to get back.

The years I spent here were not wasted. I'll treasure the memories, but it shouldn't stop me from starting a new life, one where I can be more than a simple teacher and all I was meant to be. Since as it turns out, I am quite possibly a quarter Asturian.

A knock on my door reminds me of the many years I lived in this house. My mother enters with a long thin box in her hands.

"Still no luck?" Mom asks, curiosity in those kind eyes that always saw more than she let on. Maybe that is her gift: a deeper sense of people, family especially.

"No," I sigh, my patience and hopes both running low. "Maybe I'm not meant to go back. What if I played my part and now have to remain here?"

"Sounds like you are just looking for excuses. When things seem too hard, just keep trying. Hitomi, you should know by now that there are always more paths than the one seen." At this, she lays the box next to me on the bed.

The lid comes off, and under a layer of protective paper is something I've seen only in visions and photo albums. The informal blue yukata inside is decorated with large flowers of pale orange and thin crisscrossing lines, yellowed with age despite the care in which it's been kept. Folded on top is a buttercup yellow obi that seems to have survived the time better, but I am still afraid to touch it.

I can almost feel the power thrumming through the patterned silk. Some items seem to accumulate memories throughout their life. I guess that goes for magic too.

The Yukata might be too fragile, but the yellow hitoe obi whispers gently as my mother wraps it around my middle in a simple bunko knot, looking like a layered bow. I should feel silly with the antique fabric fastened over my light blue shirt, but the emotions I receive are not my own. Hope, love, and a practiced calmness flow through me. It's not at all what I imagined. Most importantly, I can feel the pull now as I couldn't before, like a fish hook sunk firmly into my soul and tugging strongly upwards.

With a new surge of optimism, I pack my things quickly. The plan is to only take necessities. As I have no idea where I could end up, I also take a blanket, flashlight, a folded pocket knife, and some non-perishable packages of food, along with my clothes of course. Even though I was mostly packed already, the longer it took, the more insistent the pull became.

I make a quick call to Yukari one last time and hug my mother goodbye knowing that I might never see either of them again. It's bittersweet, but they both just want what is best for me. Despite the uncertainty, there is still hope and excitement flowing through me like a sweet spring through a parched land.

Many times over the last couple of months, I thought about calling Izumi or going to visit him for closure, but instead I wrote a letter apologizing for how things turned out and thanking him for being a special part of my life. Just because I couldn't return his love the way the man deserved doesn't mean I didn't care for him. We had some good times together, and I will hold many of those memories close. I hope Izumi finds the happiness he deserves.

Now it's time to go find my own happiness. That doesn't mean running back to Van specifically, but he would be a great part of my future. I'm not a fool believing all I have to do is return for things to become all sunshine and rainbows between us. As much as I love that man, we have our differences, and both of us are stubborn to a fault.

Things didn't end well between us, but I hope he gives me the chance to explain. To tell him that in the moment where I thought of a future family, he was the only one I wanted to share it with. The truth has to count for something even if I am a bit late in figuring it out.

Van knew all along; it was what I saw in his eyes that night in our passionate dream. His love was there in the heat of his gaze, the caress of his fingers, each kiss shared between us, and the silent promises I did not hear. I just hope that I am not too late to make things right between us.

Before leaving, my mother gave me one last gift, her favorite haori, as a normal jacket would crush my knotted obi. The thick black silk is carefully embroidered with small, pink cherry blossoms drifting along the back and short rectangular sleeves. Along with warmth, it also brings the light scent of apple blossoms, the fragrance she has favored since my childhood. It's like taking a warm hug from her along with me.

The weather has started to turn cold with the deepening of autumn; it's late September, after all. I wonder how much time has passed on Gaia, but it's impossible to tell. At the most, I can only pray that I don't follow in my grandmother's footsteps too closely, both in the time between her visits and the location for arrival. The last thing I need is to be stuck in a desolate, isolated place like Asgard or the Mystic Valley.

It's midday when I arrive at the temple by my old school, my old job. The tugging is so strong now I'm surprised that my feet remain touching the ground. Still, I remain firmly on this world. With a deep breath, I clasp my hands as if in prayer.

Closing my eyes, I picture raven black hair, like the boy it belonged to, uncontrollable yet endearing. Mahogany eyes so expressive he often hid them and his true feeling in shadow. All the pain and anger that clouded the edges of everything, yet he never gave up. The times it was us against the world, but just as important were the small gestures when he tried to cheer me up or look out for me.

The wind picked up speed, a tornado, swirling around only me. Like someone switched off the gravity, my feet lift up slowly, then faster and faster. I shoot into the sky as a mystical comet. I don't know how I still breathe caught in the center of a blinding pillar of light.

Then just as quickly as it began, my shoes touch hard packed dirt, and I am relieved to find the wind warm and the ground snow free. So, I did not land in Asgard to the far north after all. The fields around me wave with new shoots, and something deep in me relaxes. Fanelia. I've made it home.

How long have I been gone? Ten years I knew, but this is not the brisk fall weather I just left. How long since I last saw Van? Since we parted so badly? How much have I missed?

From my last trip here, I remember that the capital and largest city of Fanelia lays in a valley surrounded by sheer cliff faces. It was protected by natural defenses until the day when it wasn't enough. For such a large city, it can't be easily seen until you crest a hill and go through a pass. The only problem is from where I stand all I can see is a worn dirt road cutting through vast fields. It's possible I am near where Van and I first landed, or I could be clear on one of the neighboring borders and not have the slightest clue.

In my heart something tightens, like a fist squeezing. I must hurry. I don't know why, but something is telling me I can't waste anymore time. Closing my eyes again, I know I don't have the pendant anymore, but that doesn't mean I can't call upon it in my mind as I once taught Van to do, for battle, to protect himself and us.

The pink stone flickers weakly in the darkness, once, twice, but on the third time, it swings with a bright glow. I know which direction to go and also the knowledge that transportation to the city is heading my way right now. It doesn't take long to hear the creaking of wooden wagon wheels. In the time I wait for it to near, the bright sun warms the dark fabric on my back. My mother's haori is removed and carefully draped over my only luggage, but the yellow obi remains in place.

Now that it has delivered me safely here, the pulse of power has dissipated. I'm sure If I needed to it could make one last trip to earth, but this is my home now no matter what happens or how Van takes my return.

The farmer that arrives agrees to let me ride in the wagon with his family. Everyone is wearing what I can only assume is their best clothes, and a silent excitement fills the small space. They take in my strange clothing without question, and when they offer to share food they brought for the journey, I add my boxes of cookies to the simple meal.

Before long, we crest into the mouth of the valley with the city clustered below. It looks bigger than I remember it but just as grand. The outer wall extending closer to the main road is now made of thick pale stone. Somehow, I doubt that is the only defense Van has improved upon to protect his people.

Those huge gates are open, and we are not the only pilgrims into the city, although it seems like we are some of the last. The streets are filled with people, and the progress of even our small cart slows to nothing in the crowd. Lanterns hang from building to building even during the day, giving a festive air to go along with the jubilant throng.

"I am not from around here," I start to the farmer's wife who sits closest to me, her leg bumping against mine as we jolt to a stop again. "Can you tell me what festival I've arrived at?"

She looks a bit shocked but still answers politely. "Well, all of Gaia knows today we celebrate our King's wedding."

That fist in my chest convulses again. "Today?"

"Yes." She nods, still unable to understand my hesitation. "At sunset, and afterwards the whole city will celebrate. You are welcome to join us."

"No, thank you." I try to hide the growing panic clawing at my insides. The sky has already begun to tint with orange and red. So little time remains, and yet I have an entire city to get through. A very crowded one at that. "I have some business to attend to."

Leaving the last of my packaged food as thanks for getting me this far, I set off on foot. Weaving my way through the crowd and asking directions on the shortest route towards the palace, functioning purely on auto pilot. What did I have planned? Would I run screaming into the ceremony as I had at Millearna's wedding so long ago? Could I change anything now? Had Van moved on by choice or necessity?

I wasn't going to give up so easily. I had to try. I'd never forgive myself if I didn't at least do my best, but as I neared the center, there was barely enough room to move. It would take a miracle to even see the palace let alone get close enough to let Van know I had come back.

The next street I turned down I was pulled deeper than the route demanded. Something urged me blocks out of my way. I could feel my brow furrow as the only thing open down this line of shops was a bar where the patrons already seemed deep into their own celebrations. As I was about to turn around and go back the way I came, something, or more specifically someone, caught my attention.

A tall man with dark blueish hair stood with a tight group of others just outside the bar, flipping a sharp bladed knife almost absently. It seemed the short man by his side who wore a bright red bandana was egging him into a bet.

Before I knew it, my hand reached out, grabbing the tall man's arm, causing him and his whole party to turn towards me defensively on reflex. "Gaddes, is it really you?"

Instantly, the group relaxed, and I recognized many of the faces. They were all touched by time but still the same ragtag group who went through hell at our side, the crew of the Crusade.

"Well, I'll be damned." Gaddes grinned down at me, smoothly pocketing his dagger without throwing it. His intended target was obvious now, a posted invitation for all the people of Fanelia to celebrate the marriage of King Van Salzar de Fanel to Princess Eva Nell la Cessar. Distracted by the poster, I missed part of what he said, but I caught that Allen must be a fortune teller too, as he was right again.

The next thing I know I'm being propelled inside towards the bar. The scruffy first-mate has a firm hand on my shoulder while the others clear an excited path.

"Commander," He called out to a man who sat sadly sagging on a bar stool. I don't think I've ever seen Allen look so dejected. His uniform didn't look as crisp, as though he had been slouched like that for far too long. I saw the fine lines around his tired, blue eyes before he registered why his second in command was disturbing his depression.

"Allen." Regardless of how bad the situation was, I was relieved to see the knight. "I need your help."

Standing to his full height, Allen didn't appear at all drunk. He had been staring into his ale more than drinking it apparently. With a shake of his head, the man sighed. "That idiot just wouldn't listen."

Then long arms pull me into his solid chest. Surprised at first, it takes me a moment to relax into the embrace. There was nothing romantic in the hug or words whispered into my hair. "I told him you'd come back."

I pull away, but somehow, I can breathe easier. "I need to get to the palace before sunset. Can you help me?"

Glancing at the coloring sky, Allen's face was grim. "I'm sorry, Hitomi, but it will be next to impossible." The small sliver of hope that had been building sinks back down like a stone through still waters. "We still have to try though."

I glanced up quickly at his last hope. Some of the tiredness around his eyes has faded, replaced with hope and determination. The knight's gloved hand held outstretched. No sooner have I taken it then he started to pull me back out to the crowded street. He called as we went, "Come on, men! It's time to rescue the stubborn king one last time!"

A cheer went up from the crew and they surged ahead, clearing a path. We passed festive yet stunned people, murmurs wondering if this was planned entertainment like the dancers and jugglers throughout the city.

I should have been more self-conscious, but I didn't care. It felt good to be running towards a goal with old friends again. The closer we got to the courtyard in front of the palace, the tighter the crowd, standing still and watchful. It reminded me of Van's coronation more than a little bit, but as we squeeze through, I catch sight of the king in question. The similarities end.

The boy from years ago stood in armor made for a full-grown man. A nervous, almost queasy, expression on his face is barely visible under a massive, formal helmet. Now he was indeed the man he was meant to become, tall and impressively built. His clothing perfectly tailored, black boots climbing up to navy breeches, a crisp white undershirt peaking from beneath an embroidered red and gold vest. His midnight dark hair was trimmed shorter on the sides and back, but it was similar in style to what Folken wore as a prince. It seemed to fit the king. His face was passive, and the thin gold crown at his brow made this man almost as unfamiliar to me as the rest.

Aside from differences in Van, there was more. Before he stood alone, and now others accompanied him. To one side, a man I didn't recognize with deep violet hair cropped short except for two tightly woven braids over each of his large, spotted cat ears. He wore simple yet well-fitting armor with claw marks etched on the chest plate. On the other side of the dais was a lithe woman I recognized for her bright pink hair and familiar, expressive face. Merle wore a pale-yellow dress in soft draping fabric, the gold and enamel geometric bangles on her striped upper arms her only decoration.

The third person stood directly beside Van, her hand in his, the priest binding them together with long twists of gold and red cords. This new woman was barely shorter than the King at her side, a long-fitted dress layered in sky blue, silver and gold. Her hair was similar in color to mine, but so long that it was woven with elaborate patterns of ornaments that matched her fancy dress.

Unlike the last time I attended a Gaian wedding, I didn't call out or run into the center of things. Allen and his crew had caused a small disturbance just getting me this far, but Van hadn't taken notice. The sun crested the cliffside just as the king leaned in and chastely kissed his new bride.

I was too late.

Running, screaming, making a scene, it wouldn't have helped. I would never have gotten here at all without assistance. It would have been disrespectful to cause such a commotion in front of all of Fanelia and guests from around the world. Maybe I should have made my presence known before, but as the crowd cheered its king and new queen, mahogany eyes locked with mine.

Time seems to have stood still if only for the two of us. I should feel betrayed that he is now married, and maybe I will once the shock wears off. I won't run away though. I want Van to be happy, even if it's not with me. Most of all, it's the darkness surrounding the man I love that will keep me here.

I will protect Van even if it hurts to see him happy with someone else. What is love without sacrifice?

 **To Be Continued…**

 **A/N- Beware the angry fans! Should I be running and hiding now? So Hitomi was too late to stop Van. Some medieval wedding ceremonies have the binding of the couple's hands as a physical and symbolic union of two people becoming one. By the time that happened it was already too late. I wanted a contrast to when Hitomi interrupted Milearna's wedding, yet still couldn't stop it or what had followed.**

 **Don't worry there is a lot more story left. Go ahead and be mad, but imagine this from Van's point of view. Chapter 6 picks up right after this ends, so brace yourself.**

 **Oh! I found the original individual Escaflowne DVDs at a used book store in fantastic condition. I already have the box set the was released around the time of the movie, the new Blu Ray/DVD Collectors box set, the Movie box set, and of course the original plastic cased VHS tapes… but one person can never have enough Escaflowne.**

 **Normally I'd say I can't wait to hear from you, but I don't think my nerves can stand to be flamed right now.**


	6. Shame

**Busy, busy, craziness. I think I'll save most of the comments to the end. I do know some of you were not happy with the fact that Hitomi was unable to stop the wedding while others were glad that she learned from her past mistakes and didn't make a fool of herself. Please give me a chance, there is still a lot of story left to go.**

 **Thank you for all the wonderful reviews. As always, this chapter wouldn't be half of what it is without the editing help of Meghanna Starsong, and the long conversations with Jossie31 picking my brain.**

 **Broken Promises**

 **Chapter 6- Shame**

 _ **Van**_

The doors shut behind me with finality, like the bars of a prison latching forever. I'm trapped now in a jail of my own making. Shocked green eyes haunt me and scar my very heart, broken with the promises I uttered. Joyful partygoers drink my wine and eat the food my chefs have tirelessly prepared. I couldn't enjoy any of it.

Hitomi returned to me, but it was too late. She couldn't save me this time. I am married. I don't blame Eva; she hadn't asked for this. Still, we are now legally bound, forever trapped side by side in the eyes of this world and beyond. She is now my queen, or she will be after tonight. The last part of the ritual requires action from me that I dread. Am I the only man who fears laying with his new wife?

The hazel eyes watching me now aren't full of love and desire, but pity. She knows. Wordlessly, Eva begins to untie the laces of her embroidered dress, the heavy fabric pooling on the floor. With nimble fingers, she unplaits the elaborate braids, letting free long honey locks to flow over her shoulders like a shining river.

I want only the short silky strands of Hitomi's cropped hair through my rough fingers. At this moment, those same hands feel completely numb.

Eva stands only in a sheer, almost lacy, shift with her shoulders nearly bare. Her body is leanly muscled from years of sword fighting practice. The full, firm breasts completely visible would arouse any normal man, yet the flat planes of her waist and lower body bring me no closer to excitement. Still fully dressed, I stand rigid by the door as if waiting for my escape.

With a sigh, she strides over to me. Her strong hands reach for my vest, but I twitch away like a scared animal, fearing a hunter's knife.

"We don't have to do this." Her voice is low and even.

My chest feels tight, like metal bands wrapping around it, squeezing painfully. "You are wrong." The words come out strained.

"I saw her," Eva speaks softly, and I can't breathe. "Hitomi, the girl from the Mystic Moon, the one you really love. She's pretty."

Blindly, I reach for her, pulling Eva's tall form against my unyielding body. Pressing my mouth frantically to her shocked one, tasting of cool mint and coarse sugar, she doesn't resist. I try not to compare the feel of Hitomi's body to hers, the flavor of her kiss, the smell of her smooth skin, but fail in each effort.

Roughly, I push the shift down, the soft fabric gathering as a pale pile on the floor. My shirt and pants follow, leaving us both bare in the dancing candlelight. Without this action, the marriage isn't complete. Without taking my wife, there won't be a Fanel line to protect my country, my people.

We move towards the bed like sleepwalkers. Eva sinks into the soft mattress, and I follow her. Hovering over her, I move between strong muscular thighs as dark eyelashes flutter shut. She doesn't look up at me. What would Eva see on my face now?

A man trapped in his own nightmare. Torn between duty and love, I am unable to have one without destroying the other. My greatest mistake lay beneath me, but I didn't move into her. I couldn't.

Dry, uneven sobs shake me. Never before have I been so limp and drained of all vigor. Warm fingers push my wild hair away from my eyes. Eva looks at me now, her expression soft. Whispering simple soothing promises you would to a hurt child, she pushes my shoulders just enough to roll me off of her and onto the mattress. Pulling up the blankets to cover our nakedness, she makes no move to dress. Instead, Eva holds me gently, as if the slightest movement would shatter me like the first thin ice of winter.

Her words are gentle lies. Everything will be alright. This isn't the end. It will all look better in the morning.

I should be filled with shame at being unable to perform, but I feel only the raw pain of what I have lost, the chance that I thought had disappeared a year ago. Why would Hitomi return to this place if not for me? Now I've gone and made that impossible.

Why did she wait so long? Did something happen that kept her away? What happened with the fiancé? Could there have been a child from that night? Could she have tried to contact me through our now severed connection?

Between the endless questions swirling through my tired mind and the soothing warmth of Eva's body molded to mine, sleep claimed me, deep and dreamless.

I awoke to pale morning light and the supple form of a naked woman pressed into my equally bare side. Grogginess cleared the instant yesterday's events came back to me. I've never woken up next to a woman before, sharing a bed for the whole night. Some romantic part of me always felt the first to stay the entire time would be Hitomi.

It is Eva's long hair fanning the pillows, my wife. Last night I couldn't perform my duty as a man or as a king. Kindly, she comforted me, asking nothing in return. It won't always be that simple. I wasn't in love with Elina or Arianne when we were together, but I also didn't have the image of Hitomi's pained expression burned into my mind.

A light knock on the door draws my attention. It must be a servant coming to wake us for a breakfast full of guests who think they know what happened in this room last night. The moment we leave, some official will come to check the sheets for proof and find nothing. At the very least, seeing us together might put aside any doubts for a time. I sit upright, running one hand roughly through my sleep-messed hair.

"Come," I order shortly, allowing the person on the other side to enter.

The door opens. Unfortunately, the face that appears isn't a servant or guard come to rouse us, but the bright green eyes I used to dream of. Hitomi stands just in the door, her stance unsure, taking in the scene of my wild hair, bare torso, and lower half barely covered with a thin sheet.

Before I can find the words, a light moan at my side signals my bedmate waking up. Eva sits upright next to me, still half asleep, without pulling at the sheets. The naked breasts of my new wife are not something I ever thought that the other woman would see in person, especially first thing in the morning.

"Sorry." Flushing from embarrassment or anger, it's hard to tell, Hitomi turned away sharply. "I'll come back when you are decent."

"Wait!" I call out, tugging the sheets up over Eva's nakedness forcefully. Hitomi doesn't look at me but stops in her retreat. "The door to the side is a sitting room. I'll meet you there."

"Okay." She nods shortly before following my instruction.

I slide from the bed, wash, and dress quickly. Eva apologizes, but it won't change anything. It may be best in the long run if everyone, even Hitomi, believes more than sleep took place in my bed last night.

Entering the room where she waits, I am at a loss as to what I should say. It's been eleven years since the last time we stood on the same world, not magical dreams or pale memories. To me, Hitomi has always been the most beautiful woman in the world. Now is no different. What can I say?

It would have been better if she never came back, but now that she has, I don't think I can let her go again. Is it selfish to want her to stay even knowing that it will only make us both miserable?

Hitomi is the first to speak. "I see things have worked out well for you, after all." Her voice isn't bitter, only resigned.

"I thought you'd be married by now." Lashing out, I want to cause her the same pain I feel, as childish as that is.

"Unlike you, Van, I couldn't go through with it when I was in love with someone else." The direct hit spears me through sharply. She didn't, couldn't, marry another man. "I had already broken his trust once."

She didn't have to say, _the night I was with you_. "It's been a year, Hitomi. What did you expect?" The rawness of my self-inflicted wounds throbbed, making my words harsher. "I waited ten years only to hear you chose someone else. I couldn't wait forever."

"Whose fault do you think that is?!" she shot back harshly. "Ten years we were connected, but the moment you cut me from your life, somehow the time difference resumed. I didn't know until I got here. Just like during the war, one month on my world is like three here on Gaia. It was only four months for me. Van, how could I have known any of this?"

I cut us off, as much to protect myself from further pain as to give her a chance at the normal life she'd always wanted. I feel like a dragon's tail has smashed into me, a blunt force pain I was yet again unable to avoid.

On some level, I want to tell her it's not too late. The marriage hadn't been consummated, so it could still be annulled. We can still be together. It wasn't pride that stopped me but something deeper. I owed Eva, and sending her home in shame was no way to repay her. Truthfully, Hitomi would be better off without me. We just seem to cause each other pain.

"I'm sorry, Hitomi." The words feel hollow, but what else can I say? The tightness in my chest is back, squeezing painfully. Still, I continue. "You came here for nothing."

She tensed, but if I learned anything, it's that Hitomi is a strong, unpredictable woman. "How arrogant have you become to think that you're the only reason for me to come back?"

Even pushing each other away, I want to kiss her. Allen was right; I had made the biggest mistake of my life, but it didn't have to end that way. I haven't been giving Eva a chance, because there was always a sliver of hope for Hitomi and me. Now that she'd returned, I was torn between the two. I feel like that choice has been made for me by bad timing. I learned long ago that there were consequences for all actions, and I, more than anyone, had to live with the result of my recklessness.

Maybe this was best for all of us, but I didn't have to be heartless about it. "In that case, you are welcomed to stay in Fanelia for as long as you want. I'm sure Merle will be happy to host you in her wing of the castle."

She blinked rapidly as if not quite believing my words, the anger dissipating quickly without a target. "That's very mature of you." The surprise in her voice reminded me of those times during the war where we relied on each other. Maybe, just maybe, we could go back to the times before romance was an issue, when she was one of my most trusted friends.

"If you'll excuse me," I nod to her, glad to appear calmer than I felt, "I'll be expected to make an appearance at the morning meal. You are welcomed to join the rest of my guests."

"Thank you." Hitomi bowed slightly as if on reflex. Before she could say anything else, I excused myself. Returning to my room, I found Eva dressed and weaving her long hair into a single braid, which was her preference.

"Well, how did it go?" she asked without jealousy. "Should I pack my things?"

"No." I shook my head. "It's better this way."

Her eyes narrowed as if my thoughts were written on my face in tiny print, and she wanted to read them. With a small, _oh,_ she seemed to realize something key I wasn't saying. "It's the threats. You're protecting Hitomi. She is an easier target if your enemies know you still love her."

Maybe she can read me after all. "It's part of it. Being with me, someone might never be safe, but you can protect yourself."

She dismissively waved a hand that was almost as calloused as my own. "That is not a good reason to remain unhappy." She clicked her tongue with a disproving _tsk_.

I take her hand in mine. "Give it a chance. We could be happy." Eva doesn't look convinced but nods regardless. I don't know how much I believe it either. As weak as I was last night, I can't let that happen again.

"Time I can give you, Van." She smiles softly, almost sadly. "What does or doesn't happen in here should stay between us, but until you are ready to give up on Hitomi for good, it can't go any farther."

I understand what she means. If we complete what I started last night, that will be it. I will have chosen Eva as my wife completely. From that point, there isn't any going back. If I wanted Hitomi instead, it would have been too late. Not that it will ever happen. Hitomi believes the lie everyone will soon think.

To the world, we must appear as a united front, just a simple newlywed couple. Since our engagement party, there have been three other threats, subtle enough that only a small, trusted group has any knowledge of them. If I were in any real danger, Hitomi would have known. Nothing, not hurt feelings and missed opportunities, would stop her from warning me. Then again, if severing our connection had such an effect on the time between worlds, maybe she can no longer have visions of me at all.

Why does it seem like whenever I try to protect her I only wind up hurting us both? This time it will be different, I hope.

Before leaving the room, I voice my worry about the sheets. With mischief in her eyes, Eva pulls a sharp dagger from the folds of her skirt. Without explanation, she slides the blade across one palm, drawing a thin line of quickly welling blood. Squeezing her fist over the center of the crisp white bed sheets, the red liquid drips, soaking into and spreading on the fabric. It looks like blood drops on fresh snow.

"Now no one will believe us if we change our mind." I shake my head, but can't help feeling relieved. Opening a drawer of the small desk I keep along one wall, I retrieve a roll of bandages kept in the back in case of an emergency or training mishap. I motion the tall woman and her bleeding hand over to the wash basin. "Come here. Let me tend that before you get it everywhere."

"Well, they wanted my blood on the sheets. No one ever specified how." Her tone is playful, and as serious as this all is, it's nice that someone is having a good time. She does as I ask without complaint, letting me rinse and bandage the cut.

"How are you planning on explaining this wound to our guests?" I ask, tucking the end of the bandage under one of the folds to secure it in place.

"Who said I'd have to explain anything." Eva smiled, but it never looks sly or cunning, only playful. "After all, gloves are all the fashion for dignified ladies."

Now it's my turn to make a sound of disbelief. If my new wife even owns a pair of fashionable lady's gloves, I'll eat my boot. As it turns out, she did have a pair, an unused gift from one of her overbearing sisters that she couldn't bring herself to get rid of.

I held the soft pink leather coated hand, the one not hiding a self-inflicted wound, and entered the dining hall together with my new wife. We smiled through the congratulations and thanked our guests for their well wishes. Many of them made offhanded comments about how long we would have to wait until an heir was born. Only two people in the room don't seem to be in the festive spirit: Hitomi, who I feel watching me even as I avoid looking directly at her, and Merle, who I'm sure is going to give me an earful the moment the Neko gets me alone.

The rest of that day went by without incident, aside from the scary moments with my sister. Merle said if I valued my life, I'd never volunteer her to host an old lover again. She missed Hitomi too, but she didn't want to be placed in the middle of my drama. Assuring her that it wouldn't happen again helped little, but Wren's calm interference did far more good. Merle softened to her long distant friend, and though I don't know what they talked about, I have a good idea that my name came up in one or two conversations.

By far, the person most pleased by their new guest would be the small three-year-old kitten. Hitomi and little Nevah were instant friends from what I heard. Playing games and singing little, strange songs to the girl, Hitomi'll be a good mother one day. The thought makes that painful tightness in my chest return.

We set into an uneasy peace, and our unexpected guest only seemed to be avoiding is Eva. It's understandable that the two don't have the history that Merle and Hitomi have. Still, the seer isn't the kind of person to hold a grudge. I can understand how it could be very awkward between the two. It makes me wonder why she would choose to stay here knowing that she'd have to see me with another woman.

If I were in Hitomi's place, nothing could make me stay and watch her with another man. I guess she is a far stronger person than I am. It makes me wonder what could be keeping her here. I'd never ask her to go, but this can't be what she came back for. I want to ask as her friend now, but after all the time between us, and the lines we've crossed, it doesn't feel right.

Speaking of things that aren't quite right, Allen hasn't spoken to me since our argument before the wedding. I know he helped Hitomi when she arrived, hoping she would be enough to stop me from making a terrible mistake. He remains in the city if only for a few more days. Part of me wants to reach out before it's too late, but a stubborn section of my personality has stayed frustrated with his lack of support. For all his talk of love after the engagement party, when I need his advice the most, the man is distant.

It might have to do with the things we said hours before I took my vows. The oaths to Eva that forever built an invisible wall between Hitomi and me, on any world. Shortly before the wedding ceremony took place, I was finishing the process of getting ready. This would be my second major rite in front of the citizens of Fanelia, and this time all of Gaia would be watching. My hair was trimmed shorter than normal on the sides and back, and my face was likewise as hairless and smooth as the day I set off to kill a dragon. The soft white fabric of my undershirt wrapped around and tied into place. Next came the embroidered red and gold vest fastened in place with a thick leather belt.

I dismissed the last servant just as Allen entered. His uniform was immaculate as always, sword strapped at his side as though on duty, because with the continued veiled threats, he was.

The feeling of nearing danger sits heavy in my center, something I should have felt before my disastrous coronation, but didn't. I want to suggest a quick practice bout to clear out some of the noxious nerves stewing in my insides. Something in his expression tells me that the only thing we will be dueling with are our words.

Though we don't always see things the same, Allen has never led me wrong. I trust his opinion even if sometimes I don't want to hear it, like right now. Whatever is on his mind will surely not be congratulations and unwanted bedroom advice.

He's silent for a long minute, leaning against the wall watching, judging. When he does speak, it's like a hilt jab to the stomach. "How much of your happiness are you willing to sacrifice?"

Deep down, I know Allen is looking out for me. He doesn't want me to end up like him, alone and unhappy. "I do respect you, but for once, don't tell me how wrong I am."

"Love doesn't have to be a thing of the past for you." Unfazed by my harsh words, the knight still thought he knew what was best for me, and that brought up an anger I'd been swallowing for months. "Not if you are clear about what you want, who you want."

"What do you know of my heart?" I bit out, suddenly itching for a fight.

"I know you, Van." His voice is even and aggravatingly calm. "The day I met an angry boy in the woods, his first worry was a young girl he thought I had attacked. How many times did the two of you save each other? Yet here you are getting married to someone else."

"Wait." That throws me off, if only for a moment. "Allen, do you really think that if I had another choice I wouldn't be walking down the aisle like it's the gallows? Hitomi made that decision for me."

"What do you mean?" His eyes narrow, trying to read all the things I haven't said.

"We've been connected since she returned home." I've never told anyone, even Merle, all of this. I know she would believe me, but it was too much like sharing something rare and precious. Now the truth comes spilling out, and I don't know how much of it will flow freely like blood from a deep wound. "For the first couple years, I met Hitomi in our dreams. I know what you are thinking, but it wasn't just in my head. After a while, it got too hard to pretend to each other that we were happy, and the visits grew more infrequent. She met someone else and a year ago agreed to marry him."

He sucked in a deep breath. "That's it? You let her go so easily?"

The pain remained fresh despite the time and distance. "No, Allen, first I had her. Even in a dream, her nails left marks on my back, but it doesn't matter. She still chose him."

The words were both bitter in my mouth and freeing. Suddenly, Allen's long fingers gripped my shoulders, digging into the flesh. Even after all these years, he remains one of the swiftest fighters I know, though the hard look in his ice blue eyes is entirely new.

"Foolish boy!" The low, almost disappointed tone is reminiscent of our first meeting, as are the words. "Hitomi isn't the kind of woman who would lay with a man she didn't love. If what you are saying is true, she will come back to you. Going through with this sham marriage now shows her no respect or care."

My stomach twists sharply knowing he spoke the truth. Deep down, I want to believe him. Allen has no reason to lie, yet it's been a whole year. Wasn't I just her last chance to live the fantasy without any responsibility? Did I make a grave error by pushing her away too soon? If I hadn't been so hurt and reckless, could I have convinced her to return to me?

Regardless, I can't admit that now. These swirling doubts only twist me up farther, and I'm tired. Tired of hoping. Tired of waiting. Most of all, I am tired of being alone.

"What would you know, Allen?" Darkness seeps into my voice as I roughly shrug his white gloved hands away. I want to hurt the knight the way his words have needled into my mind and heart. They are dangerous things that breathe life into a hope, a future I had thought was dead. "Sounds like jealousy to me. I'm surprised you don't feel as used as I do."

The blond-haired man rocks back on his heels as if I've punched him. A deep sadness makes his normally strong shoulders droop, as with fatigue. "Hitomi never loved me the way she loved you. I don't think anyone, not even Marlene, felt the same bond and affection that girl held for you. It's not the kind of thing that even time or distance can erase." Allen starts for the door, and something about his stride makes me think that it might be the last I see of my old friend. "Van, if you can't see the truth, you really are a fool. Maybe you don't deserve her."

More than anything, I want him to be right, but that small sliver of hope is like a shard of glass in my heart, painfully cutting with each steady beat. Somehow, I had returned to being the awkward young man who couldn't express how he really felt. Instead, I lash out, forcing my pain on those around me.

I haven't spoken to Allen since then, and he only attended the wedding in the form of escorting Hitomi. Never once did he gloat that he was right; she did come back to Gaia and me, but it was too late. If I didn't know better, I'd think the knight had a touch of premonition. The girl from the Mystic Moon did, indeed, come back. Going through with the wedding proved that I really am a fool.

As it turns out, more people had been affected by my decision than just the three of us directly involved. Aside from the issue of my new wife and my first love living under the same roof, Merle and her family had been put in the center. Though Wren was a willing mediator, my sister was most certainly not. Nothing had come from the building tension so far, but I wouldn't always be so lucky. Strangely enough, the first person to make a move was not the women, but the soldier with hair the color of old blood. He was sent here to guard Eva and always seemed content with his task. Now he has made a formal request to return home to Cessrio.

As Eva is now of Fanelia, it makes sense that our people would take over her service and protection, but it would normally be gradual. Her personal guard would be the last to change, not the first. I am not blind. I see the way his pale grey eyes follow my new queen, the hard mask he wears when we retire together. By all appearances a normal couple, it pains him to watch.

For her part, the tall woman doesn't seem to notice his feelings, or if she does know, Eva hasn't returned this affection. For all the best laid plans, I don't want it to be like this. A true partnership, but sometimes things must be done for the sake of the crown. Eva will grow into a good queen, but any happiness we could have pales when Hitomi is so near.

This all feels like a betrayal. On the other side, the threats and grisly gifts have calmed. One would hope that since whoever it was couldn't stop the wedding, they gave up, but I know better. Something larger is planned, and I had best be prepared for any attack.

Since the wedding and following festivities had concluded a few days ago the city had been steadily emptying of guests, aside from two exceptions. First the Crusade and it's crew who had made a quick resupply trip to Fort Castelo, and had returned if only to refresh their ship, and liquor levels before returning to Palas. The other enters the great room now, set for a smaller, more comfortable evening meal. The new dress Hitomi wears is the color of the first pale shoots of spring, and I try not to notice how beautiful it makes her look tonight.

Eva sits to my right, making conversation with Merle about some upcoming event or another. I rarely drink, so the vino at my place setting sits untouched, as does Hitomi's. I think back to her first taste of the fruity alcohol and how flushed it made her smooth cheeks.

Merle repeats a question that I didn't hear, and Eva touches my arm, a signal that it was meant for me. To cover my distraction, I take a drink of the vino. Its sweetness goes down with a slight heat, but something is off. A bitterness like unripened berries lingers on the back of my tongue. It's been tampered with, subtle enough that the Nekos at the table couldn't smell the change over the beverage's strong, natural scent.

I make an excuse and leave the table, taking the wine with me as if it's an afterthought. The head of the serving staff is trustworthy, and I pass the goblet to him with quiet instructions to replace all the drinks in case I wasn't the only target. I know it will be handled discreetly.

On the other hand, I need to make it back to my room before someone finds me. The poison added to the vino is potent, but fortunate for me, the villain miscalculated. They may know my heritage and the men I've killed as the other threats have entailed, but whoever is doing this doesn't know a vital fact. As the preferred method of assassination among nobles is poison, I have been made immune, or near to, from years of exposure from a young age.

This won't kill me. At most, it causes a drowsiness, like a strong sleeping draught. My steps sound heavy and clumsy even to my ears. The dose must have been more than I thought, and it's too late to retch it back up if the effects are already starting. I must make it to my room and sleep it off. An antidote would be best, but I don't think I am able to make one right now.

A hand comes down on my shoulder, and I nearly stagger. Friend or foe?

"Van?" Questioning green eye swim into my vision. "What's wrong? You don't look so good."

Hitomi. She of all people came after me. Since returning, I've given her very little reason to want to be at my side. When I don't answer, her other hand checks my brow for temperature, searching my bleary eyes with her clear ones. Her voice breaks through the fog.

"I had a bad feeling." I, of all people, knew what she meant. My head spins slightly. "What is it? Tell me how I can help."

"Poison," I say, though my tongue feels thick and difficult. She hears the word, and her mouth forms a hard line. "Won't kill me."

She mutters lightly, yet I still hear, "Someone has tried though."

The next thing I know, Hitomi has moved under my right arm, taking my weight and guiding me with slow steps. Her lithe form is steady. Despite my wishes, I am almost too glad to have her here at my side. I tell myself that it is just because she has seen me weak before and I trust her with my life, but I have been known to lie to myself in the past.

 **To Be Continued…**

 **A/N- Well, what can I say I had a bit too much fun writing this chapter if you can't tell. So, this is what I referred to as** _ **the Ace**_ **when I didn't want to spoil things for my friends. I did end up ruining it for Meghanna, but I couldn't resist. Van still has an out from this marriage. Unfortunately, he's too stubborn to take it knowing that it would send Eva home in shame, especially when he feels so responsible. As per standard what would make him the happiest comes after protecting others. In this case he feels like he's protecting Hitomi from getting farther hurt my him, and being with his. Along with protecting Eva. This is like when he fought in the war, killing with the thought of protecting Hitomi, and all he did was end up hurting her more. Stubborn man will he ever learn?**

 **I can't wait to hear what you think. About halfway through the next chapter but my muse is jumping to chapter 8 and 10. Van's other chapters. Hitomi's sections always take me a bit more, but I think I've done an okay job keeping her realistic, and relatable.**

 **Post Script**

 **After conversations with Miniclio and Jossie31 I realized that is appeared that Van had been poisoned the day after the wedding. In reality it had been a couple days. Enough time for Allen and his crew to make a short trip to their old duty which was closer to Fanelia then their own capital. It could also be an excuse to stay near by for a little longer. I know it would seem as if Hitomi wouldn't want to stay and watch Van and Eva together, and in a way she doesn't... but as uncomfortable as it is, not being there an something happening to Van would be worse.**


	7. Impossible

**Alright, so I went back in changed a few things in the last chapter trying for clarification. It's simple but I changed the color of Eva's gloves from blue to pink. She likes the color blue, but the gloves were an unwanted gift from her overbearing sisters. It seems silly to bother with changing it, but even a small detail about how her sisters try to change her into what they want, well it matters to me. Also, there was some confusion about the time line. I wanted to clarify that from the wedding to the poisoning the last chapter spanned about a week. Guests left aside from Hitomi, Van and Eva got into a routine of being friendly in public, but platonically sleeping in the same bed… like siblings. To everyone they seem to be a normal if not reserved couple, not too uncommon for political marriages. Also, enough time has passed for the Crusade to take supplies to their old fort, which has been rebuilt, almost as though Allen couldn't stand staying in Fanelia but wasn't due back in Palas for a little longer.**

 **Broken Promises**

 **Chapter 7 – Impossible**

 _ **Hitomi**_

Dinner was strange to say the least. I felt exposed in the high-waisted green dress with only a thin layer of sheer colored fabric over my arms and shoulders. Van didn't once look my way. I don't know why I wanted his attention so much when I knew better, but I craved it. It's one of the uncontrollable things about affection; it didn't have to make sense, because love so rarely does.

I had to remind myself that I was here to protect Van. That looming shadow hadn't dissipated. If anything, it had wound tighter around the raven-haired king. At one point, Merle asked him something and he didn't respond. The tall woman at his side placed a hand on his arm. I didn't want to be jealous of their closeness, but the squeezing of my chest made me feel ill.

Van took a large swig from his goblet. If I hadn't been watching him out of the corner of my eye, even I wouldn't have seen the brief alarmed look that crossed his face. He made a quick excuse of something workwise. I don't think anyone really understood, but regardless, Van left with the wine glass still in hand. Eva made a joking comment that if she had to deal with politics, then she'd need more wine too. But from what I've seen, the woman doesn't drink at all. It could be a personal preference, but it could also be a precaution in case the queen is already pregnant. I feel another painful twist deep inside at the thought.

Could I stay here and watch her grow round, glowing with life and happiness? Witness firsthand the love Van would have for the mother of his children? I don't know if I am that strong. Could I find my own joy, or would I just become bitter?

Once the danger has passed, I'll face the future, but right now the sick feeling is only getting stronger and seems to have nothing to do with jealousy. An alarm goes off in my mind. Where is Van?

I make my own excuse about being tired, and though Merle's sharp eyes narrow, she says nothing. I make it out of the room. Just before I left, the steward replaced everyone's drinks, saying that it was a poor year for the wine. Something strange was certainly going on.

I follow that uneasy feeling and find Van moving unevenly, almost drunkenly. I call to him, but he staggers slightly, one hand pressing against a wall. I touch his shoulder, trying to get the man's attention. He starts, but the reaction is slow and exaggerated.

"Van?" Worry fills me at the unfocused nature of his dark eyes. His normally tanned face appears ashen, and nothing could keep me from trying to fix this. "What's wrong? You don't look so good."

I want to check his temperature the way my mother would gauge my own fevers as a child, forehead to forehead. Instead, I brushed the dark hair away and used the back of my hand. The skin feels normal, if I ignore how the contact makes my own face heat. Something is wrong with him, and yet I am hyper aware of our proximity. Pushing the distracting thoughts away, I focus in on now, checking him over for wounds but find nothing obvious.

"I had a bad feeling." I swallow the welling panic. What if I'm too late to save Van? Am I powerless when he needs me the most? "What is it? Tell me how I can help."

"Poison." His voice is slow and raspy like someone still half asleep. "Won't kill me." Something deeper than panic stirs. How is it that we all just sat there clueless as he was poisoned?

Does Van even realize how weak and vulnerable he is right now? "Someone has tried though."

I should get help, but deep down I know it's the last thing he wants. Piecing together his strange reaction and sudden departure, I can only guess that the wine was tainted. The stubborn man chose to hide it. In a room full of the people closest to him, Van chose to deal with this alone. How can he even pretend this isn't a huge problem?

Can't he see the way the wall supports him? What if the poison was meant to weaken him for an attack? Van is a strong fighter to this day. Who wouldn't want to even the battlefield in their favor? Of all the things I don't know, getting him somewhere safe is something I can do at the very least.

Putting his arm over my shoulder quickly, I try not to focus on the way the lean line of his form presses against my side. Our progress feels terribly slow, painfully so, but I am grateful that I had continued running all these years. Though strength training would have been more useful, at least I have remained in decent shape. The exercise has always been about my mental health as much as physical. Now I draw on that calm determination.

Van's room would be better than mine for several reasons. First, if he wanted Merle to know, he would have told the Neko. Second, the guard should be more concerned by threats near his suite. Lastly, Eva will return there, so I can pass nursing him off to the one person who vowed in front of this whole world to take care of him. It's not that I don't want to be by his side, but it's been rather clear that there needs to be distance between us. For all of our sakes.

At least I can make sure he isn't alone. Van never has to be alone again. I just wish things were different, but I hope I can still be his friend.

On the slow march to his room, we didn't come across anyone that could help me carry the king's weight. Van fought against whatever was given to him, even if it was a losing battle. Well, I did see one soldier wearing Cessiro colors, but his stony face didn't register the strangeness of this situation. Regardless, he left wordlessly, and I can only guess he went to report to Eva.

What wife wants her new spouse seen so close with his old flame in a darkened hallway? I'm sure she'll be back sooner now that her spy has new information. It's for the best, but to have her be the one taking care of him hurts more than seeing them together.

Shouldering the door to his suite open, I stumble, almost losing my grip as Van's weight sags farther. Heavy eyelids fight to stay open. His head droops heavily onto my shoulder, making my heart speed up and not entirely from fear.

The last time I was in this room was embarrassing, and I don't want to think about the image of them together, forever burned into my mind. Now it's just Van and me, but he is in no condition to even hold a conversation. Shuffling over to the large bed, I have to let go suddenly or his dead weight would have pulled me down too.

Holding my breath, I roll him over and relax when I see deep, steady breaths that make his solidly muscled chest rise and fall. Van struggles to sit up, as if his body is damaged armor holding him stiffly in place. Helpfully, I move several more pillows behind his head and shoulders, propping the broad-shouldered man up. He's trying to stay awake, but whatever he was given is strong. I can only hope it isn't life threatening, not that I know much about poisons on any world.

What little I know of medical care comes from my combined experience watching Millerana and the conversations I had with Izumi about his work. Now I wish I had paid better attention to them both.

"Get the journal on my desk," he rasps. Immediately, I turn and look only to find about five or so books, most of which don't have titles. Before I can ask, he shifts a bit closer to me and weakly adds, "Teal one."

Relieved, I find the only book matching that description. I return to his side and try to hand it over, but he shakes his head, eyes barely open. With a sigh, I drag the simple desk chair over and sit down at his bedside. Opening the cover, I find words in faded, slanting handwriting.

 _Plants Common to Rare: a personal study of natural vegetation and its many uses_.

The bottom on the cover page is signed only with _Prince Folken Lacour de Fanel._

"Folken wrote this?" Surprise makes my voice rise.

Van nods, but he turns his face away, making him impossible to read. "Find jadaberries"

So many questions run through my mind, but none of them helpful. Instead, I silently follow his instructions. I carefully flip the pages worn by many read throughs, and I doubt it was at the writer's hands, but his younger brother's.

Distracted, I pass what I was looking for by a few pages and have to flip back to the right section.

 _ **Jadaberries-**_ _This article is about the bramble fruit, not to be confused with the tree fruit kkum. For other uses, see: toxic fruit, natural sedatives, and distilling poisons._

 _What distinguishes the jadaberry from its_ _edible_ _relatives is whether or not the stem stays with the_ _fruit_ _when picked. With other berries of similar look, the base portion remains on the plant, leaving a hollow core center of the fruit. This is not the case of the jadaberry._

 _The name itself refers to the deep sleep that those who have tasted of the bitter fruit succumb to. The flavor is that of remaining bitter and un-ripened. The unappealing taste and sharp thorns of the stem are two of the natural warnings associated with this hazardous fruit. It is native predominantly in the mountainous regions of Fanelia, Daedalus, and Cesserio._

 _In small quantities, the bitter juice can be used as a natural sedative or anesthetic without any danger. Boiled down to a condensed syrup and in high enough doses, the sleep it causes can become permanent or even stop a victim's heart. Even those with a high tolerance to lethal substances can be affected by this fruit, making it far more dangerous than many other toxins._

 _Signs that poisoning has taken place: the permeating bitter taste, quickly setting in drowsiness, heavy or clumsy limbs, and the inability to stay awake. In most cases, the victim will wake in several hours without issue aside from a dryness in the mouth._

 _In rare or intentional cases of poisoning, symptoms of lethal dose include: shortness of breath, rapid heartbeats, and a blue tinge to the lips and fingers._

 _Treatment: In most cases, sleep is the best cure, but if any of the aforementioned symptoms appear, immediately seek an antidote. See Glarr leaves._

It all seems to match up with what signs Van is exhibiting. I know the blueness mentioned is called cyanosis and is from a low oxygenation in the blood. I guess dating a doctor had its perks. Nervously, I check the prone man for the major clues that this won't resolve naturally. His breathing remains deep and even. When I feel the pulse at his wrist, it seems strong and steady. Most of all, his color is good, and I find myself looking at the full lips I've only ever kissed in a dream which turned out not to be a fantasy.

I'm relieved. It seems the amount Van had of the poison was enough to be a strong sedative but not dangerous, just as he told me back in the hallway. Still, I'd feel better if I didn't just wait for things to resolve on their own.

I shake his shoulder lightly, just in case he's already fallen asleep. With great effort, his eyes open partway, and I breathe a little easier. "Do you have any glarr leaves?"

"Desk drawer." It sounds soft like a sigh, but it still makes me feel better. "In the red cloth bag."

As directed, I open the desk. The first of the two drawers only seems to hold different writing items, but the second has several small bags and boxes. In my haste to find the red one, I knock a light-colored wood box to the floor, and something inside makes a clacking sound. Resolving to fix everything after the worry passes, I take the small red satchel over to Van's bedside.

"Is this it?" Holding the bag close, I am relieved to see him nod, although it seems like he's having a harder and harder time staying awake.

Van once told me about glarr leaves, but the ones he used to treat Merle and I were fresh and pulped into a salve. This bag felt different. Quickly, I flip through the book Folken wrote, ignoring the sections on other poisons, trying not to see the notes about injecting into the blood rather than ingesting toxins. Part of this book seems to be for personal knowledge and exploration while other sections hint at a darker fascination.

Finding the part on the glarr plant, it even included a sketch of the dark green leaves with finger-tip sized orange spots. I scan the information which clearly states the versatility of the plant, but that fresh leaves were more potent than dry. Though powdered leaves were the weakest, they lasted the longest when stored in a cool, dry place.

Salves treat external wounds, but a tea brewed works best for ingested poisons. Not having hot water and only the bag of dark green powder isn't ideal. Then again, anything is better than nothing. Finding a pitcher of room temperature water, I pour some in the glass next to it. I shake some powder in and mix it with my finger, not having anything else. Some clumps remain in the unappetizing murky liquid, but I still shake the man again to wake him. After I force Van to drink the poorly made antidote, I finally let the man sleep.

Still, Eva hadn't arrived. Did she not know her husband was in danger? Should I send for her?

I decide to keep a watch over Van myself until she returns. Checking his breathing and pulse every so often, my own eyes eventually begin to droop with heaviness. Now all the excitement has passed, and I'm suddenly exhausted. The raven-haired man seemed to fight sleep better than I did as darkness swallowed me rather quickly.

When I awoke, a few things were clear. My hand, which had been resting near Van's wrist to check his pulse, was now twined together with his fingers in a warm embrace. I must have fallen asleep sitting at his bedside, and it was now early morning. I had been covered with a woven blanket sometime in the night, but no one moved me. Possibly most important, a couple of fresh glarr leaves had appeared, with their tell-tale orange spots, set directly on top of Folken's book. It seems I wasn't the only one to realize the nature of the situation last night.

Stretching the kinks out of my neck from sleeping so oddly, I checked on Van only to find him resting comfortably. Now my concern was that Merle would have questions about where I spent the night if not in her home. I try not to make too much noise as I attempt to straighten the mess I made last night. This included picking up the box I had dropped on the floor. Whatever was inside rattled loudly. Afraid that I had broken something important, I lifted the lid to find a solid bangle, the kind of bracelet Fanelian women seem to favor. It was made of small, white, almost iridescent, stone tiles. It was beautiful, as was the crinkled note it was packaged with.

 _To my love. May we build a life together that can weather any storm._

A personal gift for his new wife. I knew Van could be quite thoughtful, but I had a job to do here and being jealous of their budding relationship wasn't part of it. Swallowing hard, I had to get out of here. Pausing during my escape, I noticed the sitting room door was open. I then realized two of my questions upon waking had the same answer. Eva slept on a settee with her own blanket wrapped tightly around her tall form. She had covered me with a blanket and left the leaves for Van's treatment.

She obviously cares for him, but why would the woman let me remain so close to her husband? Doesn't the queen know at least part of our history? Isn't she concerned about the problems our closeness could cause?

That was nearly a week ago. No one spoke of the incident, even Van. When I tried to talk to him, the stubborn man would make a quick excuse, faking urgent business pretty much wherever I wasn't. I'm here for him, and I don't want to be an obstacle in the way of his happiness. Even so, getting pushed aside so quickly is starting to make me quite angry.

Someone had poisoned the king in the middle of the palace, surrounded by his closest friends and family, yet he hadn't done anything about it. Had this been the latest in a string of attacks or the first of an entirely new threat?

It was obvious that I wouldn't be getting a straight answer from the stubborn man, so it was finally time to have a chat with what seems to be the only other person who knew of the poisoning. As much as I wanted to keep avoiding her, Eva had always been civil to me. It's possible that as two women who care for Van, we might be strong allies.

Seeking out the woman was harder than it sounds without clueing others into the oddness of this situation. I checked the royal suite when I knew Van wouldn't be there, made a special trip to the training rooms where I heard she spends her spare time practicing, and even ventured to the library. I still couldn't locate the woman. At least, until I happened to pass the gardens, hearing low voices before being able to see the speakers.

I was about to call out when I spotted them. Eva, blushing, gently touched the delicate petals of a fragrant white flower tucked into her woven hair. It felt like I was intruding on a personal moment. Even if the words weren't clear from this distance, the look on the red-haired soldier's face was. It showed an equal mixture of love, longing, and pain. He treasured a woman he couldn't have, truly loved her. Did Van know?

Obviously talking to the queen was out. It seems like I would have to go straight to the source, but even though I had to talk to Van, bringing up what I just saw wasn't my place. It felt wrong. On a deeper level, this all felt impossible.

I should knock on the door, but the last time I did, it turned out to be a rare chance to see the man I love with his new wife's breasts. Though I know Eva is fully dressed and elsewhere, I wasn't going to take the chance of Van throwing me out without talking to me fully.

He barely glanced up as I walked into the study I've only seen in our shared dreams. The room has changed little over the years. Van, on the other hand, is so very different from the wounded boy he once was. Even in the year since our last and most passionate moments of connection, he's grown colder, tense and unyielding. Then again, it might be his way of keeping a distance between us. I don't know who he's protecting anymore, him or me.

"If you don't want me here, just say so." My voice comes out stronger and a bit angrier than even I expected.

His jaw clenched, teeth grinding together before he bit out a short retort. "Running away again when things don't go your way." It wasn't a question, only a mean response.

I want to slap him so bad I can almost feel the flesh of his cheek on the palm of my hand. Instead, I shot back, my own temper rising, "Says the man who blames others for his unhappiness."

Van's head jerked up almost violently, pen still clinched in his hand tightly. "Hitomi, what would you know of my happiness?" His voice is low and dangerous. "You weren't here. Moving on, getting married, what choice did you leave me? Gods, your timing couldn't have been worse if you had planned it."

The anger rises strongly, and I welcome the warmth. Now I know how Van felt all those years ago. Rage is better than loss or hopelessness. "How dare you blame me for any of this!"

His mouth opens to respond but I quickly cut him off. "It's my turn to speak. No, Van, I've had enough of being the problem. Did I give you the poison, or was I the only one there by your side? Can't you just remember what's important? I didn't turn my back on you. It was the other way around. You cut me off."

He was silent, speechless, so I continued. "When I had to face a life without you in it, I realized that no matter how content things were, I still wasn't happy. A future completely without you was something I'd never been able to imagine. Somehow, this is still my fault."

Large hands crumple documents on the desktop. "Because, you were still going to marry him." This was the argument I expected after the wedding, but it felt like a hollow victory now, angry and hurting like a raw wound.

"I wasn't given any other choice." Our hurtful comments shoot back and forth like a volley of toxic arrows. "Poor Van, so afraid of someone leaving him that he pushes them away first." The second the bitter words are out of my mouth, I regret them. Just because he's hurt me by throwing the past in my face, doesn't mean I have any right to do the same. Pain shadows his eyes in darkness.

Before I can apologize for my insensitive words, he is out of his chair and has moved faster than I could track. Rough hands spin me around, pressing the backs of my legs into the unyielding surface of his desk. I'm trapped between a rock and a hard place, but I'm not sure which one Van is at the moment.

"Then how do you suggest I keep you from leaving again?" The heat from his breath caresses my neck, and through the fog of shock, I can't help that my body responds. Unlike with Izumi, the hands exploring don't make me freeze or recoil. I almost melt into his touch, the press of his body against mine. Just the feel of his lips on the curve of my neck makes all logical thought flee. Deep down, I want to protest, but I crave this too much, desire him too much.

I use my hands to lift myself onto the desktop. Papers of unknown importance crinkle under my movement. Once situated, I grab the front of Van's shirt with one hand and the back of his neck with the other, pulling the man into the gap created by my new, more provocative position. He groans as our mouths meet, only the bunched fabric of my Gaian skirts separating us.

The kiss is crazy and burns hotly like an out of control inferno, feverish and intense in its lack of control. I can't think past the feel of each touch, the press of our bodies, and the aste of each kiss. We respond with short breaths and quiet moans. The anger is gone, replaced with equal parts passion and desperation.

I want to drown in every sensation. How can something I want so much cause such a deep burning guilt, as if I have acid corroding my insides little by little? With regret, I pull back, pushing against Van's chest with both hands. I must stop this insanity, no matter how much I want to forget the world and just keep going.

"Wait," I pant softly, trying to regain my composure, fighting the urge to just give in. "We can't do this. You're married."

Deep garnet eyes still clouded with passion meet my gaze, almost stopping my breath. The hand cupping my right breast, rubbing circular motions, causes my nipple to harden in response. God, I didn't want to stop, and it was becoming harder to think past the sensations.

Only so difficult, until Van opened his thoughtless mouth. "It's not unheard of for a king to have a mistress, even a bastard or two."

Instantly, the mood is ruined, like icy water thrown on a bonfire, quenching it in a hissing puff of steam and smoke. This time I don't resist; my hand connects with the side of his face hard enough to send pain shooting up my arm. It feels so good, better to experience the indignity and rage again than the betrayal. Really, that is what this is.

"King or not, I will never be your whore." He's shocked enough that I can shove him away a few stumbling steps. This time I bolt, fleeing the room. I leave Van stunned and holding his injured face. I hope he's also going to be nursing a wounded heart like I will be for a very long time.

Anger clears the lust from my head, and the door slams loudly in my escape. Van doesn't come after me, and for that I am grateful. He made his bed, so to speak, and now he can lay in it without me. I want to resent his wife for being a barrier between us, but I can't. From what I've heard, not only did Van instigate the match, but Eva is the one that pushed for a year engagement. It's enough time for feelings to develop or for the stubborn man to call things off, which he didn't on either front.

No one could have planned for my horrible timing. Though I witnessed a flirtation between the queen and her guard, it was innocent. So much more so than what just passed between Van and me. No one deserves to be cheated on. I can't stay here, not like this.

Even if nothing physical happens, which I can't guarantee, an emotional relationship is still an affair. In some cases, it's far worse.

No, I can't stay here, not if they are ever going to have a chance. Mind made up, I return to my room and start packing. Roughly shoving what little I own into my bags, it turns difficult with my recently acquired wardrobe. So, I pack only a couple of the most comfortable dresses and all my Earth clothes.

No one comes to stop my departure. Maybe I am running away as Van accused, but it doesn't matter. If I remain here any longer, someone other than me is going to get hurt, and I can't handle that right now.

The only resistance I encounter at all happened in the hallway on my way out, and it came in the form of a pink haired Neko woman. I had expected Merle to be more of an obstacle with staying here in Fanelia, not leaving. This seemed a bit backwards. I'd have made a safe escape if she hadn't come around the corner just then. The worst part is that she wasn't alone.

Merle's adorable daughter walked happily between the adult Neko and the new queen of Fanelia, holding onto one finger of each woman's hand in her tiny yet firm grip. Keen blue eyes narrow, the accusation unsaid, but very clear.

Quietly, Merle asks her sister-in-law to take the small girl back to her quarters, that she'd be there shortly. Eva nods silently, and I see the white flower still in her braided hair. She picks up Nevah, distracting the kitten with a story or some other entertaining thing in a sing-song voice. A pang of guilt reminds me that she'll be the mother of Van's children, and they will grow up happy and loved alongside Merle's kids. What more could anyone want?

Once out of hearing range, Merle rounds on me, tail whipping back and forth, her voice an angry hiss. "Hitomi, have you lost your mind?"

I expect to be slapped, but her clawed fingers quickly begin to straighten my dress. I hadn't even noticed how the neckline had been pulled down indecently low, showing far more cleavage than I had when entering Van's study. She re-tied laces adeptly, pulling, twisting the skirt back into place. "You can't walk around like this. What will people think?"

The lecture hurt worse than being hit, probably. "Nothing happened," I hedged weakly.

"Don't lie to me." She snorted in response, crinkling her sensitive nose. "I can smell Lord Van all over you. It doesn't reek of sex, but it's still not nothing."

Blushing furiously, I shift the heavy bag on my shoulder. "Then you understand why I can't stay here."

Letting out a deep sigh, the Neko took a step back. "It will break his heart all over again, but yes, I do understand."

My throat tightens at the thought, but Merle wasn't quite done.

"At least tell me where you're going, so I'll worry less." I know if it were a choice between Van and me, she'd choose him every time. That didn't mean she wasn't still my friend.

I spoke only the truth, because there wasn't a point in lying to Merle. "I don't really have anywhere else to go."

She shook her head, but the slight prick of her patterned ears hinted at an idea. "Well, the Crusade finished loading up for its return trip to Austuria, and it should be spending one last night on land before setting sail for Palas."

The moment she mentioned the memorable crew, I knew exactly where I could go. He didn't know it yet, but I have family here. Although I wasn't sure of my next move, anything had to be better than this. Some part of me wanted to be here to watch over Van. As it turns out, he knew there was danger, and now it was entirely his problem.

 **To Be Continued…**

 **A/N- So if anyone is familiar with my other stories they know I like to pick little details that weren't really explained in the original series or even movie, and add a bit more** _ **fact**_ **to the already established world that was created so lovingly. I've added traditions with tribal tattoos in one story. I've explained the spirits Hitomi saw at the end of the series in another. I've played with the time flow inconsistencies, and even added some fan theories in multiple stories. In another story I threw in Korean words in place of tradional Fanelian, which is in this one as well but not as much.**

 **So far in this story I have the time flow issue. The fan theory of Hitomi being Allen's niece. A mix of Korean and Japanese words for Fanelian. I even addressed Hitomi going back to earth during the war and equated it with a separate reality created by her wishes and their connection. I've used my own belief that object can absorb memories, and in this case power too. Lastly the poison used on Van, a combination of blackberries and whatever Folken injected into Van when he was captured. The name of the poisonous berry Jada means sleep and the non-poisonous berry kkum means dream in Korean. Folken is the one that taught Van about poisons and the glarr leaf antidote he used on the girls. So, I explored the fact that the older Fanel's hobby could have taught Van more even after his death, but also be used for darker purposes. After all he was a scientist and inventor.**

 **Lastly Jossie31 and Meghanna Starsong both seemed skeptical with Hitomi being willing to stay in Fanelia after Van married another. They wanted her to leave to find her own happiness, as a strong independent women. I agree with them, but also theorize that she would stay if Van's safety was on the line. Protecting the stubborn boy would be more important than her own comfort.**

 **Ah! I almost forgot, there was another little easter egg in this chapter. Meghanna is not only a fantistic beta, but an amazing friend. She gave me a beautiful bracelet made from little tiles of mother-of-pearl. Instantly I thought it looked Fanelian and got the idea to use it in this story.**

 **A little more action and some more interaction with Merle in this one. Can't wait to see what you think.**


	8. Self-destruction

**So, a few things to clarify it's been two weeks since the wedding. One week since Van was poisoned. One year since the night Van and Hitomi slept together, Gaia time. Since the time change Hitomi who was born in December was a few months older than Van is now the younger one. His 26** **th** **birthday has just passed, and Hitomi is still 25 since she left earth before her own birthday.**

 **Another thing that might be confusing is Allen and his crew were supposed to be in Fanelia for two weeks after the wedding, but because his fall out with Van the knight couldn't stick around. So they left to run to the fort even though anyone could resupply, but came back for a stop over before heading home.**

 **Lastly Balgus was the head of the Four** **Brigadier Generals of the Samurai of Fanelia. Now Wren is one of them, at the same age as Van he isn't the leader, but it's still a very high position for one so young. In chapter four I pointed out how Cesserio has a different military structure, but Jace still treated Wren with high respect. In wanting to show the difference I called Wren Samurai, but all the warriors are called Samurai, so that is actually not a complement. He is a General. I changed what Jace called Wren to Commander. It's like different ranking systems in military, even branches of the same country have varying titles.**

 **Thank you to all the wonderful reviewers who I haven't completely confused or angered… yet. Hold on we'll see about that. A special Thank you to Meghanna Starsong, who takes the time to make this a better quality reading material.**

 **Broken Promises**

 **Chapter 8- Self-destruction**

Again, the door to my study opens without a knock or signal. This time it won't be the girl from the Mystic Moon, because I'm watching her retreating form from the wide window. I've run her off with my thoughtless words, or that is how I planned it to look.

I almost lost myself, intoxicated by every look, touch, taste, and soft moan coaxed from Hitomi's slender form. There's nothing in this world or any other that I wanted more than to hold on to her and never let go. Is that really what is best for her? Can't she still find her own happiness without being tangled in the mess I've made?

Being polite but distant wouldn't work, not after she saw first-hand the danger and weakness I'd rather hide from everyone. I don't want their worry. Most of all, I need her as far away from this as possible. Avoiding her all together was a futile exercise; I knew better than to think Hitomi would be so easy to deter.

So, when she confronted me earlier, I pushed back. The heated argument let loose so much we'd both been withholding. As our emotions rose, so did my desire to give into temptation. I've never wanted anything so much, but I still have my wits below the fog of need. If I didn't heartlessly shove her away now, then I'll never be able to.

I've broken plenty of promises in the past. When I jumped off the palace roof, I was forced to promise never to show my wings to anyone. At five, I swore to become a strong just king like my father. Both things said to my mother were disregarded early in the war, when vengeance and Hitomi were pretty much all I had.

Honestly, the only oath I ever kept was to send the girl home. It was the last thing I wanted at the time, but I couldn't let Balgus down too. What would my mentor say now if he knew it was wedding vows I planned to disregard this time?

It was the disappointment that reminded me of all the people I would hurt by selfishly continuing this destructive path: Eva, who has never done anything to deserve this level of betrayal; Merle, my only family; and most of all Hitomi. After all, love has its limits. Even if I wasn't being targeted, this wouldn't be an ideal way to start a new life.

So, I kissed and touched her, but I carefully chose the words I knew would hurt the most.

The slap stung, but I was relieved. Now she could seek her own path, and I'll just be the insensitive, selfish jerk she left behind. Hitomi is strong. She doesn't need me, not half as much as I do her. It's better this way. If I keep repeating it, maybe I'll start to believe it.

Merle has been watching me from the door silently. I know I'm in for a lecture, but all I can feel is hollowness.

Eventually, she sighed deeply. "You're just going to let her go again, aren't you, Lord Van?"

"Merle, it's not a good time." I know my voice is strained. If I pretend it's not a problem, would she ignore it just this once?

"It's never going to be a good time." Her voice is soft and right behind me. "I don't want to be in the middle of this, so I'm only going to say what I think once. Lord Van, you're being a complete idiot and chasing her off won't ever make you love Eva. If anything, you'll only grow to resent my friend faster, so please think twice about continuing down this path."

"It's too late." For the first time, I wish Merle didn't know me so well.

She scoffs dramatically. "It's funny. Between Eva and you, one is doing this out of duty, while the other is driven by pity. For the life of me, I can't figure out which is which."

Tensing, I know she wants me to turn and respond, but I can't do either. I can still see Hitomi moving through the city away from me, if only just. I can't look away yet.

"Damn it, Lord Van! You have to give up on one of them before you destroy all three of you." With that targeted attack, my sister storms out, back to her perfect little family. I wish she didn't know me so well. Unfortunately, she was right, and I had two choices. Go after Hitomi, but abandon Eva in the process. Or, finish what I started nearly two weeks ago after the wedding and never look back.

Gritting my teeth, I leave the room and try to push away the memories, the wishes, and unhelpful longing. On a mission, I stride with purpose. I spot my target alone and heading away from Merle's quarters.

"Hey, are you okay?" Eva asks, concern furrowing her brow in that way of trying to read my face. Right now, it only makes me feel one thing: anger.

In response, I grab her wrist, pulling her behind me. She could break from my grip; it wasn't tight. Although confused, my wife trails behind me.

That doesn't mean she did so silently. "Van, you're acting strange."

Instead of answering, I yank her arm a touch harder, violent enough to make her stumble for a step or two. We come in view of our room, but standing between us and my destination was another obstacle. One who immediately narrowed his grey eyes at my hand gripping his charge's wrist firmly.

The guard's own hand rested defensively on his sword hilt, and for a moment, I wanted him to move against me. Bloodlust might drown out the growing self-loathing, but it wouldn't erase the look of shock and hurt I placed in Hitomi's large, green eyes. I shoulder past him, shoving a bit harder than necessary.

He stumbles. It could be from the forceful contact, but it could also be the result of my darkly whispered growl. " _What I do with my wife is none of your business, toy soldier_."

I am a king, and he is a glorified babysitter.

For the first time, Eva begins to fight against me, but it was too late. I'd already opened the door and quickly shoved her inside. With a click, I seal us both inside the room, our room, reducing the chance for intrusion. Eva spins around to face me, and where Hitomi would have responded with bright faced indignation, the woman before me only wears shock. She didn't know me during the war. Stories can't really convey the full extent of the darkness that still lurks somewhere deep down inside me.

"What has gotten into you?" Her voice is full of confusion.

"Hitomi is gone," I state simply, as if the three words tell the whole story of how I chased her away, ripping out my own heart yet again.

Eva's face relaxed into one of motherly concern, because I guess I had said enough. "Oh, Van. It will be alright." The soothing tone just made me angrier, and I advance on her, removing my shirt in one quick movement. "What-"

She started to ask, but I cover her unprepared mouth with my own. Arms down at her sides and unresponsive like a lifeless statue, the memory of Hitomi pulling me towards her desperate for touch and taste makes me continue despite Eva's resistance.

"This is how it should have ended from the start." I grasp her wrist again and pull her to the large bed we have shared for the last fortnight. The exception is the day I was poisoned and nursed by the one person I have wronged the most.

Hitomi cared for me, and I woke up sometime in the night to find her sweetly sleeping face resting against my arm. Her soft breaths warmed my skin, causing little bumps to crawl across the contacted area. I tried to shift away from her, but instead the hand by her face slides down to twine slender fingers with mine.

It felt good, holding her hand; something about it seemed so right. The door opened, and Eva moved into the room silently. I tried to release Hitomi's grip on my hand, but my wife made a motion through the air, letting me know to stop. She had a few fresh glarr leaves in her right hand.

"Guess you don't need these," she whispered with a small smile, setting the versatile antidote leaves on top of Folken's book of plant studies.

"Did Jace tell you?" I rasped, my voice rough with drug induced sleep. I do remember a blurry figure in her countries colors, but couldn't see his face.

Confusion flashed across her face. "No one told me anything. I was here half an hour ago." She moved across the space with ease. Getting a blanket from the wardrobe, she spread it thoughtfully over Hitomi's sleeping form, tucking in the edges. "That's strange, because Guard Sery was in the great hall standing watch all evening."

It took me a moment to realize she called her shadow properly by his last name. If Hitomi and I didn't see the red-haired man, it had to be the other guard, Desmon something or other. I knew next to nothing about the second more silent soldier. He did his job and kept to himself, as personal escorts are expected to, not forming attachments to their charges.

Love is complicated and painful. I'm brought back to the present by the realization that what I am doing now is wrong. Eva's skirts are shoved up haphazardly as she lay back on the bed, neither protesting nor reacting.

I see something startling in Eva's hazel eyes that freezes my blood: fear. She's stared down cold steel and joked about it, but now all humor is gone. This isn't what she wants at all. For all the woman's talk of duty and being willing when I was ready for that step, one thing is clear, she never thought I'd choose her.

Sick at my actions, I release her. I'm sure the woman wants to recoil from the barely contained violence I still signify, but Eva regains her calm.

"Van, this isn't right." I don't know if she is talking about my actions against her or the tangled web we are caught in. Gently picking up the bruised petals of the flower that had been in her hair until recently, her expression is sad.

I crouch down, wrapping my arms around my knees as if making myself as small as possible, because that is how I feel. "You don't want this anymore than I do."

"No," She sighed. "I wish I did, that I could fight for you, but we both knew and ignored how little we care for each other that way. I've never even been in your sight. It was always Hitomi." Her hand on my hair reminded me of a mother comforting a scared child.

"Sorry," I spoke the one word softly but from the bottom of my heart.

"From a logical point of view, we would be a good match, but love doesn't follow normal rules." Looking up, I caught the soft expression she gave the crushed flower. "You wanted to forget her and move on, and I couldn't find a match strong enough. Before you asked, I had almost given up on ever marrying at all."

When I brought up the prospect of our union a year ago, I had been aware of Eva's reputation. Bad luck was never something I feared, so it mattered little to me. Every time a proper suitor was interested in the girl, it never lasted. As it turns out, each man was threatened or blackmailed as I was. Because of it, they ran from her. For the longest time, the third daughter of Cessrio blamed herself, not being pretty enough, her strange humor, fighting alongside men even just for entertainment. Trying to change herself didn't help. Instead, Eva decided to be herself even if that meant remaining alone.

I thought it was a stalker wanting to keep her free for his own fantasies. The red-haired guard was my first suspect, but he had been quickly found innocent. If anything, his feelings for the royal kept her safe. He would never be allowed to be anything more than a soldier in her personal escort. After all, if even a fraction of his feelings came to light, it would be his job, if not the man's head, on the line.

After these last few attacks, it was clear someone with ties to Zaibach had been behind the cryptic messages and new rise in violence. It could be a copycat or maybe I was the target all along. I just can't figure out why the villain would want Eva unhappy and alone for years. Why had that person just started turning their attention towards me?

If the poisoning did anything, it proved my suspicions. Few people know of the full effect of Jadaberry serum. Folken had invented it, after all. My first taste of the powerful sedative happened during the war when I was captured. The Strategos injected directly into my neck the potent sleeping drug, and fighting it was impossible.

The other threats had the same feel: the bloody bird wings, a dark homage to my semi-hidden heritage; Parts from a destroyed Alsadies Melif, complete with old blood stains; and even a sword belonging to my estranged brother, minus the tip of course. That metal shard remained in Folken's heart when he was laid to rest. These grisly gifts were supposed to remind me of the rage filled teen who killed as a response to his own loss. All it really did was make me grateful for the long way I have come since those dark days.

Now, for the first time since then, I felt ashamed, but it had nothing to do with dark messages. The only person who could make me hate myself was actually me, and I was doing a rather good job at the moment.

I do love Eva, but as a friend only, and she holds me in a similar respect. My feelings could never be romantic. If we continued this charade, eventually it would have to result in children. The act could never be referred to _as making love_. It would be mechanical and only for the purpose of a royal line. What I had with Hitomi was so impossibly full of passion; it was bright and wild. Heart pounding, heat flowing, logic defying, love.

With Eva, I could be a fine king and a decent father someday, but I doubt I'd be a very good man. Hitomi makes me want to be better, yet I haven't been very good to her. I hurt us both trying to spare her, as if she could move on without me holding her back. It was a stupid, misguided notion even if it came from a selfless place in my heart.

I look up at the long-haired woman, and though I know the answer, I still find myself asking anyways. "Could this have ever ended well?"

She clicks her tongue. For a moment, it's the only sound, a sign I've noted of her thinking of a clear response. "Maybe, but most likely not." Eva's shoulders shrug empathically. "Seeing the way you and Hitomi love each other, well, it felt wrong to be in the middle of something that powerful. Love only hurts when it's the real thing, and you both felt the pain like the keen edge of a sword. Any smart woman would have left and never looked back, but the heart makes us all fools."

"I think she stayed to try and protect me." My voice was small, and the realization made the sinking feeling in my stomach almost nauseating.

As if I just proved her point, Eva waved one hand through the air, the thin pink scar there drawing my attention. "In return, you pushed her away trying to do the exact same thing."

I've noticed years ago that as strong as this woman always seems, she really is self-conscious deep down. She always strives to please others and sacrifices her own happiness if it helps another person. She couldn't say no to my proposal, not when I was the only one willing to ask. When Hitomi returned, it was Eva who pushed me towards the other woman despite my own stubbornness.

"Would you think me an idiot if I went after Hitomi?" Something burned deeply in my chest, and I recognized it as hope.

With a quick laugh, Eva smiled for real. "I'd think you an idiot if you didn't."

I had one last question for her before I ran off to apologize to the only woman who ever held my heart in her hands. "What will we do about us?"

With a widening grin, Eva shrugged slightly. "Despite everything, we aren't dumb. I'm sure we can figure a way out that doesn't make either of us carry the weight of shame."

Surprising us both, I pulled the kind woman into a warm hug, probably our last embrace. Then I turned, leaving the room without looking back. The moment the door opened, the guard I'd disregarded jumped, stilling his frantic pacing. He spun at me with murder in his stormy eyes, forgetting his place. I didn't mind.

I brought one hand down on his shoulder, startling the man. "I'm sorry. Go. Eva is waiting."

Without a word to me, he went to the woman he loved, despite how society would never accept them. I had my own mission: someone that I needed to see more than I needed air in my lungs.

I had to pass my study to make the quickest route out of the palace. I considered jumping out the nearest window and flying clear across the city. As much as my heart urged me to do so, to get to her faster, I know the Crusade wouldn't leave until tomorrow morning. The only urgency lay within my own need to set things right.

Suddenly, the small hairs on the back of my neck stand on end. A figure runs towards me, and my hand automatically goes to the hilt of my sword. The man slows down upon seeing me. "Thank the gods!" He panted to a sudden stop. "Your majesty, something terrible has happened."

My eyes dart to the fabric clutched tightly in his hand, a strange rectangle sleeved jacket, black with small delicate pink flowers embroidered in a cascade. I recognized it instantly as Hitomi's. My heart dropped like a leviship with fractured stones.

"What is it? What's happened?" Though he panted slightly from the exertion, something seemed off, forced.

"Your majesty," he started again. I wanted to shake the man, if only to make him speak faster. "She's been abducted. Samurai Wren has the message. He sent me to look for you."

Worry and fear masked the feeling that something was wrong, but I followed him into my study anyways. Wren wasn't there. It was then that I realized this was Eva's second guard, the one that must have been wandering the halls the night I was poisoned, waiting to get me alone. Just like I am now.

My racing heart slows down a bit. I know I am the one in danger now, but it is better that it is me and not Hitomi. Facing life or death is not a first time for me. I should have known what was happening when he came up faking out to be out breath. If I hadn't been so worried about Hitomi, I would've noticed how he referred to Wren as Samurai. Everyone else calls the Neko male General out of respect. This man belittled his rank and achievement, like calling a grown man _boy_.

I should have known better. Who else could have gotten threats through my security, aside from someone who was already a part of it? Why he has been ruining all of Eva's chances at happiness? Something tells me Desmond of the Cessirian royal guard is pulling his own strings this time.

Armed with a dagger, he poised with the long, sharp edge facing outward towards me. It couldn't be his only knife. From what I suspect, something must have changed, because this man has been roaming the halls of my palace on and off for the last year. If he had wanted to kill me, there had to have been better opportunities than this.

"I see poison wasn't enough," I state calmly.

"My orders were clear, until now." He shrugged, my attention going to how the man has moved between me and the door. Hitomi's jacket has been carelessly abandoned on the floor, his dominant hand now grasping a wicked looking dagger.

Unsheathing my sword, I turn my body to the side, keeping the weapon close and my guard tight. My opponent mirrored the stance with the smaller, quicker blade. We circled each other, and he slashed. I blocked the strike, sidestepping. Recovering quickly, Desmon spun, aiming for my throat.

Ducking under the lethal jab, I remain defensive for good reason. The number of offensive attacks he rained down was impressive, to say the least. One of his many swipes sliced a shallow line of pain across my forearm. I had to admit he was fast, and his fighting style was eerily familiar.

A small swirl of unease burned in my stomach despite my own skills. Knife fighters tend to let their guard down when attacking, believing that quick strikes keep their opponent too occupied with self-preservation to counter. Not him. The ex-Zaibach soldier remained well-guarded.

Choosing to take the advantage, I switched to my own offensive attacks without warning. Slash, jab, and counter. The moves come faster, raising the level of this fight. He in turn dodged, blocked, and kept up with the speed.

As we continued to battle, I tested his weakness and found little. When Desmon executed a perfect lunge and feint combo, I had to curse as the tip of his blade raked a burning line of pain over my heart. Like the other wound, it was shallow and bled little, but it was a bad sign. Though I increased pressure, he still was able to snake past my guard for another near miss.

He advanced with a fury of small, quick jabs, and still he wasn't winded. If we kept up this frenzied pace, I'd soon be sucking air despite the regular training. Fighting without my life on the line had made me lazier then I realized. Since the war, only Wren has bested me in a fight, and the lack of a challenge had a negative effect on my sword fighting skills.

Though I managed to sneak past his blocks a few times, years of experience and a very bloody war have taught me how this will play out. At this rate, it didn't look good for me. I have to end this match, the sooner the better.

Fortunately, I still had a few tricks of my own. I shift, a transfer step, and knock his blade wide. My opponent floundered for a moment, backing just out of range. Then he sidestepped my next swing, pulling a second blade. While competent with two daggers, he didn't have the same precision and speed as before. I was glad that I wasn't the only one with bleeding cuts at this point.

The double attacks might not have been as skilled, but having to counter twice as many strikes was wearing me down quicker. At one point, he flipped one dagger over and threw the weapon. It didn't stab into me, but hit my wrist hilt first hard enough to make my dominant hand go numb. Taking the advantage, Desmon slid in under my guard and landed a solid punch to my jaw.

I rocked back. Before I could regain my balance, he had me on the floor. The tip of his remaining knife was at my throat.

"This is how you die." The intent was clear in his dark eyes, and for the first time in a very long time, I was out of moves. If this is how I go to meet my family, I just wish I had less regrets, broken fewer promises. As the sharp tip stabs down, my last thought is the only one that matters. Bright green eyes and the purest soul I've ever met, Hitomi. Gods, she'll never know how sorry I am, how much I love her.

"I'm so sorry, Hitomi."

 **To Be Continued…**

 **A/N- Hitomi figured her feelings out in chapter three, and it was an emotional roller coaster for her. Van did eventually come to the same conclusion, but the stubborn man took a bit longer, quite a bit longer. I anyone ever said love was easy, they lied. I've been very flattered to be called a Van expert by some other writers, and I hope I can stay true to him, while still exploring other aspects of his complex personality. I guess it's because I am very like the wild-haired boy in many ways. In this story it's been a fine line to balance, but I hope I can keep it believable. He comes off like a jerk, because he chose to be the bad guy. Everyone was relieved to see Hitomi hit him and leave.**

 **The story started as a dream experience and moved into something more very quickly. I once had a boyfriend who I dated because he was nice, and thought I would grow to have feelings for him, instead I was never attracted to him and it started to sicken me, being with him, so I explored that with Hitomi. Then I thought what would happen if Hitomi did go back, but was too late. What would make her stick around? Danger, Van in danger. It makes sense that a princess would have a personal guard and it would consist of more than one soldier. We never learned anything about Desmon, because he didn't matter to Van. The other guard was only noticed at first because of his connection to Eva, Hitomi saw Desmon the night Van was poisoned, but she didn't know him.**

 **So now we know who was doing the dirty work we just don't know why. Why would someone want to chase off suitors? Well other then the man in love with her… Why would the violence suddenly escalate? It's been two weeks since the wedding. They can't run Van off, as far as everyone knows its too late for that.**


	9. Turmoil

**Happy Nearly Christmas. A gift from Meghanna Starsong and myself. Life has been well… some people say it's the holiday stress, but I was briefly doing better at work and that's not so much the truth anymore. Turns out my boss's boss's boss who I like trust and think… thought was on myside, wanted to put me on probation. Which is the first step to kicking someone out without them doing anything illiegal, a not fit for military service sort of thing. I love my job, loved it before this unit. Never had a single negative mark in my record, and was well known as a high performer, who made awesome food and bent over backwards to help. Now I'm a weak leader who can't handle the stress, and lets my subordinates walk all over me. Someone so busy doing a junior member's job that I can't get mine done in a timely manner. So, this might be the deeper connection to Van that shows through, but I'd rather put myself on the line then to be seen as weak. Failure is something everyone hates but it scares the shit out of me, it makes me feel useless and worthless. Pretty much if I don't start holding him accountable it will be my ass on the line. Oh, yes, fun. By the way my boss who is just barely above me on the totem pole stood up for me, putting her job on the line too.**

 **On a less depressing note I had my laptop up one of the many nights I was working late and one of my guys (a good one) started reading over my shoulder and I about fell out of my chair. It wasn't one of the… hot moments, but a sappy romantic part in More Than Skin Deep where they are standing in the rain reconnecting for the first time in six years. I was a bit sheepish to have been caught, but also super proud. I let my nerd flag fly.**

 **Again thank you all for your reviews, favorites, and follows. It really makes my day, and as you may have noticed I really can use the boost right about now. Don't feel obligated to review, but know that I love each and every comment, question, musing, and theory. Even if I haven't had much time to respond, know you are being heard, and man are you guys still mad at poor Van.**

 **Broken Promises**

 **Chapter 9- Turmoil**

 _ **Hitomi**_

Why does it feel like I'm being torn in two different directions? I know I'll see Van again; I'm not going back to Earth. During the war, I remember thinking to myself that I loved Gaia and that hasn't changed. How strange was it to feel at home on a world so different from my own? People protected me, stood next to me through some of the hardest times of my life, believed in me, and even loved me as I loved them.

There are so many people who supported me on this world. Millearna, who I will see once the Crusade flies back to Asturia, is now queen. Ruling beside her is Dryden, that eccentric millionaire, billionaire, whatever crazy but nice rich people are called here. Merle, while a good hostess, was colder then I would have expected, but underneath the icy exterior she still was my friend. Allen, the man that could be my uncle, has always been my knight in shining armor. Well, so has that stubborn, pig-headed man who will always be in my heart, but Van can't have the rest of me.

Not like this. I deserve better, and regardless of how things have turned out, I don't blame him. Van's done what he thought was best. Now he has to live with the consequences.

As I move through the city, I see it as if for the first time. The lanterns are gone and the mood no longer festive, but the people still bustle around the streets happily. This is the day to day life of Fanelians who don't fear a sudden attack, like the one that happened a lifetime ago. Then again, they didn't have any clue what waited under invisibility cloaks that time either. Still, Van is a good king.

His people come first, and I understand that now. I was part of his plan for Fanelia's future. For years he waited, never quite sure if I would come back. Then I broke his heart, gave in to what I really wanted one night. I assumed there wasn't any harm, since it was just a dream. Its true that Van reacted badly, but I couldn't give him the answer he needed.

Expecting to be alone forever, the man responded rashly and chose another future. One with a princess he didn't, maybe couldn't, love. Still, it was a choice he now has to live with. I won't be a part of this any longer. It seems crazy that I stuck around this long, but my comfort came after his safety. Well, not anymore, I can't do this to myself. I won't put up with his shifting moods and being second choice.

I come to a cross section in the stone paved streets. To the right leads towards the bar and inn where I first saw the Crusade crew when I arrived, but to the left lay the outskirts of the city. I know instantly that I'll find the airfield where the leviship waits in that direction before setting sail in the morning. It's still early enough in the day that the bar is an unlikely place to find them. On second thought, that statement might only apply to Allen.

Even depressed by his loss of faith in the raven-haired man, Allen still remained himself. When we failed to stop the wedding, it was him that gave up his room in the over crowded city. As calm as I appeared to Van the next morning, the reality is that I had spent a rather emotional night alone in my borrowed room. I prayed to turn back time. If I had arrived months, weeks, even days earlier, I have no doubt Van wouldn't have sworn those oaths to Eva.

Not that I wish to take anything from the woman, but it's clear to me that the love she shares with Van is almost like that of siblings. Just as Van never returned Merle's feelings growing up, Eva married a man she isn't attracted to, but I can't figure out her motives. I know why Van did it though.

Some people might think he wanted to get back at me for choosing someone else. The reality is it was his way of letting me go for good. It also assured he wouldn't have to face his biggest fear: ending up alone, again. Van is rash and stubborn, but he would never try to hurt me on purpose. Well, I thought that until only a little while ago.

" _It's not unheard of for a king to have a mistress, even a bastard or two."_

I grip the strap of my bag until it digs into the soft flesh of my palm. Even the discomfort doesn't make me forget the pained look in his garnet eyes, not when I slapped him, but when Van said those terrible words. Shaking my head fails to clear away the thoughts and doubts of what I am doing now.

I'm not running away.

I'm moving forward.

Maybe if I keep telling myself this, it will make it true, more real.

If I were running away, I'd just go back to Earth to my family who will welcome me with warm arms and well-meaning sympathy. This is my home now. I've given up enough to make sure of my certainty, just life moving on in a different direction.

The airfield comes into view, and instantly my eyes are drawn to the red painted ship. Like everything else has, the key points remain the same, but everything around it changes. The stones on either side look larger and newer, the sails no longer tan but light gray. The only thing that never seems to change is the gleam of golden hair facing away from me.

I break into a light jog in relief, calling out and waving as I would have in the past. "Allen!" The knight turns in my direction, and upon seeing me sets down the package he had been carrying towards the ship. "Do you have room for one more?"

His blue eyes brightened with something I couldn't read: hope, relief, another unreadable emotion. "For you, Hitomi, there will always be room aboard my ship."

After ordering Kio to take the new charts to the bridge, he led me onto the ship, even though I knew the way very well. After setting my bag down in the old room I called my home during the war, I then followed the tall man out onto the flying bridge balcony.

We were quiet for a while, and I could feel his eyes studying me. I remind myself again that being with Van didn't make me a whole person, so being without him doesn't make me less of one. "Okay, you can just ask already."

"I thought you wanted to save him this time." Allen's voice was careful and even. "Can you tell me what changed?"

Letting out a deep sigh, I pushed past the memory of Van's body passionate and ready between my spread thighs, his hands and lips coaxing noises, feelings from me. Before crushing my heart. "Did you know someone wants Van dead?"

Allen studied my face again for a moment longer. "You might need to be more specific. He didn't just make friends during the war." My mouth must have dropped open slightly at his offhanded words. "Though if you are talking about the new threats, yes, I know. Since the announcement of his engagement to the princess, there have been several dark, grisly gifts."

My hand flew to my mouth, and he continued. "Severed bird's wings, a direct threat to him. Bloody armor pieces, which hinted at his dark past." Gloved hands clenched into tight fists. "Folken's sword, the loss of his last family. The truth is Eva has been troubled by this for years. Someone threatens any man interested in the girl, most are cowards and run away instantly."

He pauses, and I finish, "Van's never been one to give into bullies. So, that's why Eva agreed to this match. It was her only offer."

Allen nods, looking past me and at the tall, white palace. "We assumed that once the wedding was over, the threats would stop. They never progressed past morbid symbols."

"Well, you were wrong," I bit out bitterly, thinking of the weak, staggering man I nursed a week ago. "Van was poisoned."

The knight sputtered in disbelief. "You just left him like that?"

I bristled, temper flaring. "He made it clear my help wasn't needed. At least not the kind I was offering." My cheeks heated as I blurted out the last part more than a little mortified. Then again, I had put myself in that situation in the first place.

Sighing knowingly, Allen ran fingers through his hair. "I won't defend his actions." With this, he looked at me, and I felt as if there was something very important I wasn't being told. "Instead, I have to ask if you can tell me of a time when Van acted entirely selfish. It's true he's done the wrong thing in the past. We are all human and prone to mistakes, but generally his actions have been for the right reasons."

Head-strong, hell yes, but selfish, no. I don't want Allen to be right. I can't think about Van's motives. After all, he was a jerk. "I'm not asking you to agree with me, but I have no where else to go."

Instantly, he softened. "Of course, Hitomi." With a warm hand on my shoulder, he smiled down at me. "You always have a place as long as I have anything to say. It might be strange to admit, but you have become family to me."

I ache to tell him that he might be right, that we could be blood relatives, but it doesn't feel like the right time. If I tell Allen that his father may or may not have cheated on his mother with my fifteen-year-old grandmother, it would put something unnecessary on him right now. This is my problem.

Just as Van is my problem right now, and the best solution is for me to move on, it's the only way he can really let me go. He has to. There isn't another way that I can see.

I ask Allen for some time, and he quietly agrees, excuses himself to do something with the maps I saw him carrying earlier. I lean on the solid metal railing, the same place I stood a lifetime ago watching Van fight and kill the Dragonslayers. I saw him go over the edge for revenge and desperation, but it wasn't pride that lead him down a dark path. Still, he's desperate again, to protect me, to not hurt Eva, to be the king his people deserve even if it kills him to do so.

Maybe because I was just thinking of the war, comparing it to now, an image enters my mind. Van and I fly past the Vione, but from the inside of the control room, Folken stands stark and very real. One of the armored men on the helm watches, not the teens they've been hunting, but the cloaked man. Devotion, admiration, maybe even love shows on his familiar face, although I can't place him.

The scene changes to Van attacking the floating fortress. Fire blooms through clouds of choking smoke. The soldier tries to fight his way to the ship's commander, but he was instead forced to evacuate. News comes that the most loyal of them deserted, had gone willingly to Asturia and the enemy. Thinking it was a plan to gather information from the inside, the young man poses as a Cesserian recruit, planning to be in a good position to answer any call when Folken needed him.

Strangely, it never came. Instead, word arrived that the man he had admired went into the heart of Zaibach, dying to end the war. He killed the emperor by sacrificing himself. The power that spread throughout the land overtook even the young soldier, causing him to save the life of the next king of Cesserio when the Allies turned on their own. He didn't hesitate, and that won him a place in the royal guard. It was a position he neither fought for or desired, but it sustained his new life, as the old one died with the man he admired.

I recognize him now as the guard who had been wandering the halls the night that Van was poisoned, Eva's fair-haired guard, Desmon. He loved Folken. Whether the older man knew or returned the affection I don't know, but he blames one person for the Strategos's death, Van.

I see two shadowy figures standing behind him, women giving the orders, at least until recently. If he had been doing someone else's bidding for years, now he was acting for purely selfish reasons.

Desmon is the threat, and he's inside the palace and freely moving around. My vison flashes from the past to what I can only pray is the future. A sharp dagger slices through the air and into the raven-haired king's heart. The moment I can move again, I take off wordlessly. I don't need the crew to rush me through the city; they would only slow me down. I don't stop to explain anything to Allen, though his help might be useful. I don't think, just act.

Running, my heart is in my throat. Breath ragged, surprised faces blurring past. Why did I go so far? Will I make it back in time? Can I save Van once more?

As I run, new images appear in my head. A fight where Van isn't at his best, distracted and lagging. He's too slow, without his usual skill. Fight, damn it! Don't give up!

Faster, I have to run faster. The palace looms closer, but the ache in my chest is so strong I can barely breathe. My chest burns with fear and loss. The skirts in my way are thicker than the flimsy pink dress Millearna once loaned me. I ball the fabric up in one clenched fist. As my arms pump, the skirt flashes more skin than is seemly, but I don't care.

The only thing that matters is getting there in time. I burst into the palace, and where my exit gathered no attention, this time armored men blocked my path.

"You have to let me through!" I panted, trying to get through without success. "Please, Van is in danger. Please!"

This only caused the guards to tighten as if I were the threat to their king.

"He's going to die!" Frantic and pleading, my voice comes out shrill even to my ears.

"Let her through." A commanding voice broke past everything. "Lady Hitomi is my guest. If she says the king is in danger, I believe her, as you should. Lock down the castle, no one in or out."

Wren stood confidant, his vibrant purple, braided head between me and the unconvinced samurai. Thank the gods he believed me. The spotted neko man cleared the way for me with a nod. Before I could thank him, a clawed hand gave me a slight shove, as if wordlessly saying, " _Go, I'm right behind you."_

Taking off again, I run the now familiar halls, pounding feet following in my wake. Left I turn, now right. The door appears up on the left, Van's study. I burst through the door with a bang. I then see what my heart feared the most. The man I still love is pinned to the ground with a knife plunging swiftly down towards his wide-open chest.

Near my foot is a dagger identical to the one in Desmon's determined hand. "Van!" I yell kicking the handle of the blade. "You have to fight!"

The blade spins across the floor in his direction. Eyes that had resigned to death only a moment ago flash with his strong will. Snatching the hilt, he slashed upward, carving a thin, bleeding line across his attacker's upper chest, inches from slitting the man's throat.

Jerking back and pressing one hand over the fresh wound, Desmon growls, heading straight for me. The knife is still in his other hand. Before he can reach me, the twisted man cries out. Van's dagger sunk hilt deep in his right calf. In the next second, strong, spotted arms slam him into the wall next to the door. Wren has caught up just in time.

Relieving Desmon of his remaining knife, Wren secures both of his arms tightly. "Lord Van, I will escort the prisoner for questioning."

"Thank you, Wren." Van nods, watching his brother-in-law drag the bleeding man from the room. He issues orders to his men who must have followed after us. Then again, coming in screaming about how their king was going to die, what else did I expect?

Too soon, Van and I are alone, but who knew how long it would be before word of the failed assassination attempt reached Merle and Eva?

He stood retrieving the forgotten sword from the ground. This once it didn't seem to have helped. I wonder if the fight would have gone differently if someone Van loved had been the one in danger. He was quick to act when Desmon moved towards me, but when his life was on the line, the king just lay there.

What happened between us, did it affect him this much?

"I thought you were going to die." My voice soft.

"Don't worry. I am hard to kill," Van responded quickly, not looking at me. "I thought you were gone."

"I'm hard to run off," I snap back, trying to get the most recent image of Van's death from my mind. "You should know through, right?"

"Hitomi," Van starts and his rigid back is to me.

"No! You don't think I'll give you another chance to chase me away," I snap, grabbing his arm. I just wanted to turn him around to face me, but he winces. My hand comes away sticky with fresh blood.

"It's nothing," he growled, pulling away.

Concerned and more than a little angry, I had enough. Circling around, I force him to look at me. "It's fine if you want to be a jerk. I'll leave, and you never have to feel guilty or anything. I am not your problem anymore, but only after you let me do what I have to."

Before he can argue, I check him for injury, finding a few minor scratches and two deeper wounds. One is on the arm that I grabbed, and the other is a thin cut across his chest. The first one might need stiches, but I wasn't an expert. Cleaning and bandaging I could do, after I get supplies, of course. I order Van to stay there, and though he is still determinately not looking at me, I know he won't ignore my orders.

Leaving the room, I nearly crash into Eva, who is carrying a tray of bandages and antiseptic.

"Oh!" Her voice is surprisingly cheerful. One of the cloth roles slips off the tray, bouncing to the floor. Before I can pick it up, the tall woman shoves the tray and remaining supplies into my surprised arms, chasing after the escaped bandage herself.

With a wide grin, she jogs back to me triumphantly holding the cloth aloft. "Got it." She holds the rogue roll out to me. "Here you go."

"Wait, but…" I stammer not sure what she expects. What am I supposed to do here?

"He was going after you." Her guileless hazel eyes meet mine. I know then that I was right; she loves Van in a strong yet platonic way. Unfortunately, that doesn't change the promises they've made.

"Van is your husband." I blink at her, trying to pass back the tray.

She laughed softly, as if I had told an amusing story. "Oh, Hitomi, he was never mine. He was always yours, but you should hear it from him."

With that, she left, leaving me confused but holding the supplies I needed. Returning to the study, I find Van hasn't waited for me as instructed. He's removed his torn shirt and is dabbing at the cut on his chest with the ruined fabric. This being a place for work, there wasn't a wash basin, so I was relieved that Eva's tray included a shallow bowl for that purpose. Grabbing the dirty scrap from him, I dampen a substantially cleaner cloth and try to dab at the remaining blood without paying too much attention to the work area.

Van's bare chest, though I've seen it before, is attractive. As a teen, Van was never shy about his lean form, but it's changed over the years. Taller, broader, and far more distracting with the smooth expanse of tanned skin over hard planes of rippling muscles. Even wounded, I feel the blush heating my cheeks, making may task that much harder. When I start dabbing the cut with strong smelling antiseptic, some kind of potent alcohol, he inhales sharply but still hasn't spoken.

As I work in this tense silence, Eva's words come back to me. _He was never mine. He was always yours._ I don't want to think about it, not with him so close. Not with what happened, or almost happened, in this room earlier today. I like to think that I would have stopped him, but I was so close to giving in, to forgetting we could never be together.

Is Allen right? That Van's insensitivity was just an act to make me leave him, force me away for my own good?

Once the bandage around his chest is secure, I can focus on the deeper slice on his forearm. I'm not confident in my skill stitching the wound back together, but the thick needle and sturdy black thread included in the supplies make my task clear. I clean the injury, and as the sharp metal bites into the first of several stiches, his arm twitches in my grip.

Ten in total, no pain killer for him and the feel of those searching eyes on me each agonizing second. The bandaging was so much simpler, and though I want to put distance between us, I also don't want to let him go again. Maybe Van isn't the selfish one here, maybe I am.

"There, all done," I state, suddenly feeling useless without something to do with my hand. "It's not the best, but I hope it'll do."

Before I can finish apologizing for my poor sewing skills, his uninjured hand comes up. I feel the slightest brush of his rough fingertips, soft as feathers against my cheek. "I thought I'd never see you again." His voice is low, and I can't tell if it's pained or tender, possibly both. "This feels like a dream, and I don't want to wake up."

"Please, Van, I can't." It comes out as a whisper, because I don't want it to be true.

"If this is a dream, then we can say and do things without fear or reservations." Then his mouth is on mine, and as much as I tell myself to pull away, my body responds. Its instinctual, like breathing, and I need it, need him to just survive. I was drowning, and Van is pure air; I can't get enough.

I want to say I'm careful of his wounds, but there is no thought beyond the taste and feel of the man holding me. Skilled fingers unlace my dress, peeling away the layers. Someone could walk in at any moment and right now I don't care. Nothing matters but this all-consuming need.

We don't talk about regrets or ask questions. There isn't a single word spoken, only the hoarse whisper of my name as he enters me. My legs are wrapped tight, holding him, moving desperately with each thrust. It's not the desk as I once thought, but the floor where Van lay ready for death not long ago. This time the pile of clothes cushions the hard surface.

Skillfully, he shifts my feet to press against his shoulders, bracing above the neatly wrapped bandages. The new angle is sharper. Fingers dig into my hips, guiding, improving, driving into me deeper. My back arches on its own as the feelings intensify, and then I'm moaning his name. Spots dance across my vision with the rainbow of sensation.

He finds his own release shortly after mine, but he pulled away, finishing in his hands cautiously. I feel both relief and loss at this. At least one of us was still thinking. How would it look if I got pregnant before his wife?

As the moments begin to pass, the guilt sets in. I love Van, but he's made promises to Eva that I just helped him break. What wouldn't I give to go back in time, but that has never been one of my skills. I know I've tried. Adultery is such a dirty word, and the shame it invokes over shadows the joy we shared only moments ago.

"What is wrong?" Van asks, propping himself up on one arm to better look into my conflicted face.

We remain naked in his study. With horror, I became aware that anyone could walk in. Despite for how much my heart is bound to the dark-haired man, I refuse to become his property, as a mistress would be. I'm already the other woman. The least I can do is try and minimize the effect of our sins.

"What are you going to do about this?" With hesitation, I pull away from him, looking for my clothes in the mess strewn about the floor in our haste.

Van quirks his head to the side in an almost childish manner that makes me want to forget the world outside this room. "The assassin?" His question reminds me of the danger he narrowly dodged and the tended cuts he wears as proof.

It also makes me want to hit him in frustration. "No, your wife. You know, Eva, the person you've just cheated on?" The unconcerned look on his handsome face makes my tone bitter.

"Don't worry about it." The offhanded answer makes my temper flare. As I'm about to give him a piece of my very independent mind, calloused fingers gently touch my lips, silencing the ready protest. "Please, can we not repeat the past?"

The sorrow in his garnet eyes causes me to pause. His hand drops away slowly. My temper has at least temporarily cooled. "What do you mean?"

"We can show affection, but the moment one of us opens our mouth, we just hurt each other." Van isn't wrong at all. Even years ago, as teens with more innocent actions, we did the same thing. I love this man, but we are both stubborn and have different backgrounds. A true relationship between us would take work and understanding, and that is even without the added trouble keeping us apart.

"I plan on dissolving the marriage as soon as possible." I breathe in sharply, but he continues. "I should have done it as soon as you came back, but I felt you'd be better without me and I owed Eva a debt. Do you understand what it feels like to be torn between what your heart wants and what is expected of you?"

I nod, knowing exactly that. It's the sentiment that kept me with Izumi even when I was unhappy. I want to believe every word with all my heart, but so many questions remain. "Can you even do that? I thought marriage was forever, especially between royalty. Won't it cause problems between your countries?"

This felt like a strange conversation to have while still naked. I didn't want to think about the time I witnessed them like this, but it was more difficult now that I was in a similar state. Unlike Eva, I was very aware of what this would look like if anyone else would see.

Still desperate to get dressed, I was starting to get frustrated at this man, the one that sat on my dress and looked so comfortable with his nudity.

"Normally that would be true," He started slowly, almost shyly. "In some rare cases, annulment is the best course of action. This would be one of those times."

That I didn't expect. "Like Millearna and Dryden?" I asked. "I guess annulment is better than divorce, right?"

He had the decency to look a bit embarrassed, and now I was fully focused on what he had to say. "Dryden left, but it wasn't legally over." Now Van seemed to be aware that this conversation was probably best with clothes on. "Even with the attack on Palas their marriage contract was completed."

Since he was speaking words like legal and contract, it all seemed so clinical, so unemotional. I guess the practicality of a political marriage takes all of the romance out of it, though I could see Van's ears burning. "What does that mean?"

He looked away for a moment before answering. "Their marriage was consummated, but mine was not." The last part was so soft I could barely hear it. The news took a moment to sink in.

Not consummated, click, and the realization blurted out of my mouth suddenly. "You haven't had sex?"

"No, not with Eva," He admitted. I could tell Van was embarrassed, and yet his eyes met mine with a deep, smoldering heat. "There's been no one except you for years. Truthfully, the women before were just substitutes, poor ones at that, because they could never be you."

Heat rushed through me from my flushed skin to the very center of my being. Suddenly, I didn't mind that we were still naked. As he took control earlier, now it was my turn. Pushing his shoulders back onto the floor, before he could say anything my mouth was on his. I move over him, straddling his growing excitement. His calloused hands grip my hips, balancing my movements as if it was second nature. Now it was my turn to move him, taking his large hands and sliding them up to grip my breasts.

All the experience I have is with this man. With Van, I've always let him control the situation, but now it was my turn. Sliding down onto him, from my vantage point, I could see the ripples of tension pass through him, the warmth in his eyes. The emotion I couldn't read that first time, its clear to me now: love.

There was never anyone but Van, and I see now that for him it was the same. It's not about the time we missed by letting pride keep us apart. The obstacles standing in our way are only as large as we let them be. None of that matters now.

All the things in-between us won't go away overnight, but it is worth it to be with Van, to be able to explore his body and my own. I feel powerful and sexy for the first time in my life. Rocking my hips in a circular motion, I get extra pleasure from the low sounds coming from Van along with the quicker thrusts. We're closer and closer to losing control.

Our movements become more frenzied and erratic, peaking over the edge of pleasure. My name comes out as a long moan, sending a special thrill through me that brings my own pleasure cresting like a sudden tidal wave. My toes curl, eyes fluttering closed, skin electrified and amazing. Spent and still twitching from the sensations, I move to lay next to Van, his arm pulling me closer against his solid side. Our skin is flushed and damp with the prior activity. I feel him kiss the top of my head tenderly.

I know that all the problems between us won't be instantly fixed, but if the past is any indicator, together we can achieve the impossible. Many of life's failures are people who didn't know how close they were to success when they gave up.

Van gently caresses my cheek, and I look up into his warm loving eyes. "I love you."

The smile he gives me is bright like the sun coming out after days of clouds. His words make everything alright, because I know from here on out we have each other. "Hitomi, will you marry me?"

"No, I can't." As much as I want to scream yes and throw my arms around him, there are still so many things separating us. Before Van's face can change from shock to pain I quickly continue. "We aren't in the position to promise anything. I do want that more than anything, but I won't even think about forever until after this all gets cleared up. So, I should leave. When you are free to love me not in dreams or behind closed doors, find me, I'll be waiting for you Van."

I know he isn't happy about my decision, but he respects it. When the Crusade leaves in the morning, I will be with them. Now that the danger has passed, it is time the tangled mess of our lives is sorted out, so that we can move on. Just as I had to break things off with Izumi on my own before coming back, Van has to annul a marriage the whole world knew about, to be with me. We will find a future where we can walk side by side. No, it won't be painless, but it will be worth every second.

 **To Be Continued…**

 **A/N- Well, there you have at least most of it. I was asked if there would be more sex than the beginning and if anyone could see my quick nodding they might have thought me a bobble-head. As I said "Definitely and two almost." Now ya'll know 'almost' means the times Van could have gotten laid but didn't, technically it was three times. Eva on their wedding night, Hitomi in the study, Eva in response to everything. It's pretty even with the actual sex now since they did the deed twice in this chapter. The first time was all about emotions and chemistry, need and passion. The second time had more to do with Hitomi starting to explore some of her own wants and desires.**

 **Everything is pretty deliberate, and I debate the merits of the smallest details. Should Van pull out? Where should they do it? How hurt is Van? Should someone interrupt? Walk in? Should Eva be indifferent or helpful? Should Merle help Hitomi get to Van or Wren (lots of people wanted to seem him get more fleshed out)? Does Allen or the crew help Hitomi again? Should Hitomi still go to Austuria? Should Hitomi say yes or no to Van's heat of the moment proposal?**

 **Originally it was a yes, but after thinking for a bit I changed it. This Hitomi may know the marriage is a sham, but she still won't get engaged to a man who is still married. Also, Van has never really had to woo or pursue anyone before. He's never seriously courted a woman, and now he will have to actually work out some of their problems if he wants things to workout. Way back in the very beginning Minicleo called me out. She said I had a pattern, which surprised me because I thought I was pretty creative for a cannon continueation writer. Turns out even if Van and Hitomi have sex the end up fighting right after. In my mind they are both hot-headed and stubborn and would take a fair level of communication they have yet to build to make things work. So, in this chapter I set them up for a fight, a real blow out, and instead Van addressed the problem head on. He grew, and learned from his mistake. From the mess his wounded pride made of the whole situation.**

 **I can't with to see what you think. Please Review.**


	10. Decisions

**Things at work got better for a bit then much, much worse, but I'm working through it. Some days I am Van when the twins attack in the mystic valley. Acts because he knows he has to but gets paralyzed by fear and loss of confidence. Thank you everyone for your concerns, well-wishes, and awesome reviews. I'm really glad you all seem to have enjoyed the last chapter. Like the first two chapters there is a good bit pf overlap. This time we can see what is going on in Van's head.**

 **This chapter has been edited and Re-posted. It actually sat in my inbox for a month while I went through the work stuff and got stuck on the end of chapter 11. I have a little secret, I used to check every edit my betas would send me, but over the years working with people I trust and that are much better at grammar than me… well now I don't I've actually gotten in the habit of checking for comments, fix that section, and then accept all other corrections. Only then do I add my comments. Once I post then I reread the whole story on the website, as if I'm reading it for the first time with the rest of you. Very rarely do I need to make any edits after that. It's nice to have such awesome help. The chapters are so much better because of it, and so I hope you don't mind too much. I just couldn't wait to post this. Enjoy!**

 **Broken Promises**

 **Chapter 10- Decisions**

 _ **Van**_

Even in the past when I was in mortal danger, I didn't really think I would die. I've feared the darkness, but I never worried that it had come for me, until now. I thought I was going to die and surrendered to the end of my fate. My last thoughts were only of Hitomi.

Then she was there suddenly, calling my name like during the war. The complications holding us apart dissolved in that shining moment. The discarded knife spun across the floor in a silver arc and right into my hand. Knocking my attacker's downward thrust wide, I swiped high. His skin split, not a kill shot, unfortunately. It is enough that he quickly retreated from me, but now his attention was on a new target, one without any fighting skills or defensive ability: Hitomi.

I don't need to think; the action is instinctual. Striking out like a venomous serpent, I sink the blade deep into the soft tissue of his calf. He screams, jerking back just as another joins the fray. Wren slams the bleeding man against the wall, clawed fingers twisting his wrist until Desmon drops his remaining knife.

"Thank you, Wren," I say to him, grateful the male Neko has control of the situation. Wren and the samurai that followed in his wake leave with Desmon. I hoped to remain here alone, licking my wounds, but Hitomi lingers too. I couldn't look at her, not after she saw me being so weak and pathetic. The first person I'd want to protect is the last that should ever see me at my worst.

"I thought you were going to die." The soft voice behind me makes my heart pound in a way that losing a fight never did.

My words come out fast at first, me trying to be nonchalant about the danger I had faced. "Don't worry. I am hard to kill." Keeping my eyes on the city outside the window, the second thought was spoken more hesitantly. "I thought you were gone."

"I'm hard to run off." Her quick retort is sharp, but I don't think it's close to what I deserve. "You should know though, right?"

"Hitomi," I say her name, not sure I can explain or even keep up the flimsy mask that I have built.

"No! You don't think I'll give you another chance to chase me away." With a fierceness I've always admired in her, Hitomi grabs my arm. It is an attempt to make me face her, but I jerk away from the sudden pain as her grip lands on the deep slice along my forearm.

"It's nothing," I grunt, trying to deflect her concern. It fails. She moves directly in front of me, forcing my eyes on her troubled face.

The heat has left her voice, but it's still stubborn and sure, the girl I've always loved. "It's fine if you want to be a jerk. I'll leave, and you never have to feel guilty or anything, because I am not your problem anymore. That is after you let me do what I have to."

I want to argue, but I swallow down the words along with the emotion welling up. Tender, light touches investigate the rips in my ruined shirt. Most of the damage from the fight is minor with a few exceptions, the two deeper cuts and the blow to my ego. It takes all my remaining will power not to reach out and embrace her. If I did that now, I'd never be able to let the poor girl go again. I choose not to look at her even as she orders me to wait right here. Something inside screams for me to flee before I sink any deeper, but as always, I ignore that voice.

I'm alone, cuts stinging, mind reeling. Hitomi came back for me. She came to save me when I gave her no reason to want to. I've done my best to keep her at arms' length, to make her run in the opposite direction, but everything failed. I should have known it would. One of the only predictable things about the strange girl is the lack of just that. I'll never be able to prepare for how she'll react to any given thing.

I hear muted voices just outside the door; it's Hitomi and another woman, who I can only guess is either Merle or Eva. Part of me hopes that they will take over for Hitomi, and I can escape this tension-filled moment without my heart bleeding out everywhere. On the other hand, I wish they would just leave us alone. That feeling is much stronger.

Trying to distract myself, I remove my shirt, which has been reduced to rags, and blot the drying blood on my arm and chest. That's when Hitomi returns, a distracted look on her pretty face but supplies in her arms.

That look changes to one of determination when she sees my actions. Setting the tray on the edge of my desk, Hitomi grabs the blood-soaked fabric from my hands with a little more force than necessary. Then without another word, she begins to work diligently. She cleans the wound on my chest with firm but not uncomfortable motions. The proximity brings her too close, short silky hair distractingly brushing my chin with each movement. My heart pounds faster, and I fear she will hear the loud thumping.

I chance a look down at her face and find a blush dusting her features, rosy like the mountains at sunrise. Even the burning alcohol on my open wounds can't detract from this intense moment. Her bright eyes dart to the edge of my desk, and the color on her cheeks deepens slightly. It brings back the memory of her legs wrapped around me, and the sweet taste of every electrified kiss we shared. If it weren't for my insensitive words, would we have stopped? Could I have taken her on top of the same desk where I signed the marriage contract with Cesserio, voiding the promises I made to Eva?

Could Allen have been right about everything? Probably so. Wishing to forget her was a useless endeavor, and the way I've been acting makes me unworthy of her affection. I should have trusted her more. I should have given the green-eyed girl a chance to choose me. Like a fool, I pushed her away to keep her from possessing more of my heart. I should have known better; there was only ever room in my heart for Hitomi.

Time has changed us both, but she is only more beautiful and compassionate if anything. What does she see when she looks at me? What do I want her to think and feel about me?

The bandage around my chest is secured. I breathe in the light, almost floral scent of her. She starts to clean the deeper cut on my arm, her fingers firm, and I find myself relaxing despite the discomfort. We both know this wound is worse than the other and will require stiches to pull the skin back together. Her slender hands shake lightly while threading the needle, but she doesn't hesitate.

The sharp metal bites into my flesh, the muscles in my arm spasm, but I hold still for her. I let my eyes memorize everything about Hitomi, as if it's the last time. As if this moment could last forever. Just now, nothing separates us, or at least I can pretend. Before I know it, this bandage is wrapped neatly too; she did a good job. Somehow, I expect the girl to jerk away now that her job is done, but those slender fingers linger warmly on my arm as if she also doesn't want this moment to end.

"There. All done." When she does release me, her hands continue to hover awkwardly for a few long moments. "It's not the best, but I hope-"

Without even realizing it, my uninjured hand comes up, brushing the soft skin of her cheek. "I thought I'd never see you again." The tenderness in my voice is only second to the squeezing inside my chest, tight and tenuous at the same time. "This feels like a dream, and I don't want to wake up."

"Please, Van, I can't." Her full lip trembles. This, like the dreams, is a world separate and made only for us.

Then I'm speaking my deepest wish, "If this is a dream, then we can say and do things without fear or reservations." Ever so slightly, she leans forward, drawn into me, and my mouth is on hers. For a moment, I swear she will pull back, her will stronger than mine. Instead, Hitomi's soft lips part, inviting me to deepen the kiss. We breathe each other.

She's magnetic and I can only let myself fall, be pulled into her orbit. Her hands are in my hair, pulling me closer. Sinking into each other, the laces of her dress give way easily, and I slide the fabric from her slender shoulders. I've liked seeing her in clothing from this world, integrating herself into the life she chose this time, but I need to expose her skin, be closer to her. The heat building between us is all-consuming, unlike anything I've ever felt before.

No words pass between us as I lay her down on the combined pile of our clothes. Everywhere our skin connects just makes sparks fly through my veins. Trailing kisses down her slender neck to the firm softness of her delicious breasts, I pull one taunt nipple into my mouth and then the other. The soft gasps coaxed from her excite me further. Impossibly ready, I almost fear hurting Hitomi as I enter her in my enthusiasm. It wasn't an issue as she was as eager as me, making me moan her name.

Leanly muscular legs wrap around my hips, moving with my thrusts. Craving more contact, I reposition her, feet upon my shoulders, hips angled sharper. This position is more intense, but if I move just right, deeper, swifter, I can reach a better spot. Her hands reach for me, gripping my wrists as her back arches instinctually. I know she's close, and a short time later Hitomi moans my name. That is all it takes to finish me off. All my will power is required to remove myself, despite the practice I've had with this particular maneuver.

I lay down, molding myself to her side as our hearts begin to resume their normal pace. With each passing second, her brow wrinkles more in a way that I can tell means trouble. I know it is something far more complicated than the risk of pulling out.

Everything in me wants to forget the rest of the world, but it won't be that easy. Already the guilt is churning inside this beautiful woman, which I find incredibly sexy even as she pulls away from me.

"What is wrong?" I ask, though I know the answer already, propping up on my unhurt arm to look at her face better. I can see the wheels in her mind spinning, large eyes darting towards the door of my study. Even I know this isn't the safest place to lounge around naked. Though someone could easily walk in and see us, the danger doesn't bother me the way it apparently does Hitomi.

"What are you going to do about this?" She pulls away, starting to look for the clothing we were lying on.

I know what she is asking, but for a few more precious seconds, I want to pretend our problems only extend to the immediate ones. "The assassin?" My question makes her frown deepen at the memory and encourages her temper to flare.

It's a shame I can't avoid this conversation any longer. "No, your wife. You know, Eva, the person you've just cheated on?" Her tone tells me the heavy guilt is beginning to press down, and I know there isn't any time left. Hitomi has a right to know, despite the rough path ahead of us, that I've chosen her. The thought makes my heart and tone light.

"Don't worry about it." That came out a bit more flippant than is safe at this time, but I refuse to repeat my past mistakes. I won't let miscommunication drive us apart. It's time to come clean, to do what I have to calm her down. My fingers pause on her full, kissable lips. "Please, can we not repeat the past?"

Something she sees in my eyes causes the anger to turn into confused interest. "What do you mean?"

"We can show our affection, but the moment one of us opens our mouths we just hurt each other." Even before I added farther complications to our possible life together, we didn't have the best track record with communication. We come from different backgrounds and upbringings, so its reasonable that not everything can be easy to understand between us. Our future will take work, and I, for one, am willing to see it through. The best way to do that is to tell the truth from beginning to end.

"I plan on dissolving the marriage as soon as possible." Her bright eyes widen with a surprised gasp, but I continue on uninterrupted. "I should have done it as soon as you came back, but I felt you'd be better without me. I also owed Eva a debt. You understand what it feels like to be torn between what your heart wants and what is expected of you."

She nods understandingly, and I see hope begin to grow. It brings more questions. "Can you even do that? I thought marriage was forever, especially between royalty. Won't it cause problems between your countries?"

Hitomi tries getting dressed once more, and I'm a bit surprised she doesn't shove me off her dress. It's almost endearing the way her mind works so openly.

"Normally, that would be true." How should I explain it? I guess just go for it and clear up anything I need to as we talk. "In some rare cases, annulment is the best. This would be one of those times."

"Like Millearna and Dryden?" she asked, recalling the rocky start to our friends' own marriage. "I guess annulment is better than divorce, right?"

This is where it gets tricky. "Dryden left, but it wasn't legally over." For the first time, I think this conversation should take place clothed and sitting next to each other. "Even with the attack on Palas, their marriage contract was completed."

I remember Hitomi's incredulity at Millearna's arranged marriage during the war. Its not a normal part of her life, so the details are still unfamiliar. "What does that mean?"

Here is the moment of truth. I should have told her so many times, but as a man, it's more than a little humbling to admit impotence. "Their marriage was consummated. Mine was not." Before I wanted her to believe there was more to my relationship with Eva to keep distance between us. Now I pray she can trust the truth in this.

With open astonishment, Hitomi blurted out, "You haven't had sex?"

"No, not with Eva." Moving past the embarrassment, I thought of the way my body and soul resonated only with her. The deep, heat-filled connection made the rest come out. I just want to kiss her over and over forever. "There's been no one except you for years. Truthfully, the women before were just substitutes, poor ones at that, because they could never be you."

The electricity is back, and though I had her not long ago, I'm ready again. Heat burns like a tidal wave, washing over us both. Her hands gripped my shoulders, and I let her push me backwards onto the floor. This time she moved over me, straddling my growing excitement. Even if I wanted to ask her what she was planning, the mouth connecting with mine prevents any of that. My hands grasp her hips, fingers digging into the supple flesh.

Those eyes that see so much watch me with heat and love. Groaning as we connect again, I move into her as if it's the most natural thing in the world. As if we were made for each other, fitting together, completing each other. This is what we were always meant for, to learn and grow in every way. I wish Hitomi had been the only woman I ever slept with, because nothing and no one else matters. I love her. I love her so much.

Her hands move mine to her full breasts to support them as she rocks over me, like my very own goddess. I can't help the sounds coming from me. I've never been loud, not even in the throws of passion, but now it's different. I move as if the only thing that matters is the feel of her, the way our bodies react. The feelings building to impossible heights.

Then I'm moaning her name, and any thought beyond this moment no longer exists. Hitomi collapses on top of me spent and still twitching. I don't know if I've ever been this happy in my life. She tries to lay next to me, and I pull her close. I savor the skin contact, even sticking together and sweating as we are. Tenderly, I kiss her damp hair, never wanting this moment to end. I know I keep thinking that, but it doesn't make it any less true.

I know that she is thinking; she's trying to figure out what will happen when we leave this little bubble of happiness. I caress her cheek. She looks into my eyes and whispers the three most beautiful words I've ever heard, "I love you."

The smile that breaks across my face has to look goofy, but I don't care. "Hitomi, will you marry me?"

Her own smile dims a fraction, but she doesn't pull away. "No, I can't." Before I can react negatively, which would be normal for me, Hitomi speaks again with love and honesty. "We aren't in the position to promise anything. I do want that more than anything, but I won't even think about forever until after this all gets cleared up. So, I should leave. When you are free to love me, not in dreams or behind closed doors, find me. I'll be waiting for you, Van." I have to respect what she is saying, because I trust her and know this is the right answer despite what I want to hear.

That was yesterday. She was right about that choice and that I wouldn't like her leaving me again. Going to Asturia with Allen isn't forever, but it gives us a chance we might not have otherwise. In all honesty, I've never done this before, courting someone. Even if the marriage to Eva were annulled today, it would still take time. The world needs a chance to understand. I love Hitomi and letting her go now is what is best for her, for us. It's the only way to move forward.

The next time I ask, I know the answer will be yes. Until then, I have to give her the opportunity to find her own place here. The Crusade leaves in a very short time, but I won't be sending her off directly. Last night we walked through the city together. I wore a cloak to give a sliver of normality to our relationship. We held hands and took our time talking about the city's changes and future. Not ours per say. We won't be making any promises until the time is right.

When I returned to the palace ,it seemed like visiting a strange land, not my own home. The air even felt different. Though it was late, I knew I couldn't sleep, not next to the wrong woman. In a place as large as this, I could spend the night in any number of empty rooms. I found myself back at my own. I enter silently, almost afraid of what I would say to Eva, but I was safe. She was already in bed, curled on her side, asleep. I should feel guilty for what happened between Hitomi and me, but I don't. I grab a blanket and head towards the sitting room without another thought.

Now a solid knock sounds at my study door, but that person doesn't wait for me to respond, as if it is just a formality. Eva enters, strangely hesitant for her. Does she know what happened in this room yesterday? Does it bother her even though she was the one pushing me forward?

"Do you have a moment?" she asks, toying with something in her hands that looks like a thick sheaf of parchment.

"Of course. Is something wrong?" I set down what I had been half-heartedly working on to give her my full attention.

"Only if you are letting Hitomi go, like an idiot." Her flippant remark sounds like something Merle would say, and I almost smile. Before I can respond, she tosses the papers on my desk and spins on her heel. She leaves just as suddenly as she came.

Just what I need: another woman angry at me. Hopefully, right now she's the only one, but I can never be quite sure. With a sigh, I open up the bundle and almost drop it after the first line. It's the annulment papers I want more than anything. I can't quite believe it's real. Once the shock wears off, I read the whole stack. Then I start from the beginning and read it all over again.

The most amazing thing is that it's dated the day after the wedding. She must have spoken to her father before he traveled back to Cesserio. These things take time. Though Eva already signed the document, it's only legal when I do too. Of course, there is the stipulation that she still has to be a maiden for this to be binding. That's the reason why when I almost slept with Eva she was scared. It wasn't that she was afraid of me taking her by force, but that I would ruin all her hard work. If we had been together even once, the marriage would be forever.

" _What does or doesn't happen in here should stay between us, but until you are ready to give up on Hitomi for good, it can't go any farther."_

Now I know exactly what she meant. These last two weeks have been the time she promised. They were the chance for me to figure out what I really wanted. All the while these papers could have come at any time, or the king could have denied the request. Which is why she never told me. Rather, she pushed me towards Hitomi. It would have been wrong for her to get my hopes up, right?

Without a second thought, I sign the papers, adding my official seal. I'll have my advisors go over every word, but as I have no issue giving back the dowry I never needed or wanted. None of this the stipulations in the document are an issue for me.

I'm still trying to wrap my head around everything. I need to talk to Eva, thank her. I don't find her in the castle, instead Merle intercepts me in the hallway near my room.

"Lord Van, she's gone," my sister states simply. I know that's just the preemptive strike. "You've done pretty well to run off just about every woman that cares for you other than me."

"Merle," I start, but she cuts me off quickly,her tone incredulous.

"You can't tell me that you didn't sleep with Hitomi." Blunt as always, she cuts straight to the point. "Lord Van, it's easy to say that your marriage was for show, to draw out the conspiracy following my friend. You're the one that approached her, and as much as you both say it wasn't real, I'm not convinced. In my mind, you cheated, and that more than anything disappoints me."

I don't know how to respond. Merle's never spoken to me like this. It reminds me of how even as a teen she realized I loved Hitomi before anyone else, when she wished herself home and left me behind. This is so much worse, the disappointment and disapproval.

"Can't you feel the slightest bit guilty?" Her striped tail swishes quickly in agitation. I love my sister, her faith and love have kept me going through some terrible times. The loss of them hurt awfully, but it also clears a path for my true feelings to pour through.

"No, I don't." The quick response rocks her back in surprise as if I hit her. "Everyone tells me to choose and I have. Now you're not happy with my decision. Merle, I'm sorry, but I don't really care. I tried to live without Hitomi in my future, and I realized, even though I could move forward without her, I didn't want to. We've probably gone about this all wrong. Still, we arrived at the same place. I love her, and when the time is right, she will be waiting. I've spent years watching other people get their happy endings. It's my turn, and I, for one, am not just going to wait around for it to happen on its own."

I expect the fight to escalate, but she wraps her lean arms around me in a warm embrace. "I'm happy for you, Lord Van."

Once the surprise fades, I rest my hand on her vibrant hair. This is the girl that always had my best interests at heart, even if it caused her thin frame to stand between me and two enemy melif units. When Hitomi left, Merle was my constant. She got married, and I expected that she would leave too. Instead, she chose to make her home inside the walls built by my hands and will. After the dream, the one that changed everything, my sister began watching me closer, yet pulling away at the same time.

It took me so long to sort out my hurt and confused feelings. This could have ended far worse. Eva didn't love me, but she could have been hurt beyond repair if we had been more than just friends. Merle might have forgiven me if I broke the princess's heart, then again it might not have been as easy on Hitomi. After everything the tall woman has done for me, I can't just let her sail away without another word.

I sigh, not sure how she'll react at my next request. "Merle, do you know when Eva's transport leaves? I owe it to her not to leave things like this."

The Neko woman pulls away, reminding me that she isn't a little girl anymore. "Well, I might have lied." A mischievous smile is clear on her striped face. "She hasn't left exactly. Eva might be mad that you let Hitomi get away, again, but no one packs that fast. Well, not someone that's been here longer than a fortnight."

I leave her smug satisfaction and head for my quarters. Opening the door, I'm not disappointed. Wardrobe and drawers open, the woman in question moves around with determination. She looks up at my arrival, and the surprise turns rueful.

"Damn it, Van, you've gone after the wrong girl again." What startles me the most is the tinge of anger in her voice. Eva doesn't get mad. I've never seen her more than slightly annoyed in the past, not when Merle was insulted, when I shoved her soldier aside, or when I denied my own feelings to save face. It was strange, but somehow it eases the tension I hadn't realized was built up through my shoulders.

"Relax. I'll go after Hitomi once everything is cleared up, and you have done a wonderful thing for me already." She let out a deep breath, didn't start yelling at me either, so I continued. "I really appreciate the annulment, but I can't let you go without giving you something in return."

Now I held out my own paper for her. It wasn't nearly as thick or as legally binding as hers, but I had a feeling it would mean just as much. "Just tell me," she said, not wanting to touch my document, the evidence that Wren had reported first thing this morning.

My hand , and I don't need to read my general's cramped writing again to repeat them. "Desmon Lesieur had been a member of the Zaibach military who infiltrated the Cesserio infantry during the war. After his appointment to the royal guard, Princess Seren became suspicious. When she dug into his past, it quickly turned into her favor. So, he played her game. Seren or Regan would find out something about your suitors, and he'd blackmail them."

Her eyes narrowed slightly. "You're saying my sisters wanted me to be alone and miserable?" I could see how this could all seem like a sick joke if it weren't coming from me. I wasn't exactly a known prankster.

"I might not be an expert, but from what I have gathered, Regan was doing it out of some misguided thought of protecting you. Seren, though, her motives had something to do with a secret you know. If she kept you alone, it would help her control it, control you." It can't be easy to hear that your own family had been behind everything. Then again, I felt similarly betrayed when I found out Folken had ordered the destruction of our homeland. At least her sisters hadn't killed anyone, just made life miserable for years.

"That's it?" The dress slid from her slack fingers as the shock set in. "I thought it was me. All this time, I thought I wasn't good enough, and now I find it was all some sick stunt to protect a dirty family secret. What did Seren think? That I would get married and suddenly start telling the world that my mother had an affair?" Her hand flies to her mouth in surprise and a bit of guilt.

Confusion twists my brows thoughtfully. "If she knows as well, then why would you need punished or controlled?"

She sat heavily at the edge of the bed. "Before my mother passed, she told me everything. Seren knows that it happened but not the rest." When I didn't respond, she continued, "The queen had three daughters, but the king only had two. My sisters suspect it, but only I know which of us is an imposter. I had to swear never to tell anyone."

The words hang in the air for a moment before sinking in. One little bit of truth could change the line of secession for an entire country. The conniving middle sister must think she's the one. If Eva remained single, even if the truth came out, the younger woman wouldn't be able to oust her. She was protecting herself and didn't care if it cost her little sister every chance at happiness.

"What I don't understand is why she would have Desmon go after you? The marriage should have been the end of it, right? They can't know it wasn't real, that we wouldn't last." She seems stunned and confused. I can't speak for the secret that's been hidden all these years, but I do know the answers to this.

"No, he did that all on his own." I set a hand on her shoulder. "Your sister's orders were business for him. This was personal." I won't tell her that the only reason he confessed was so he could be a prisoner in Fanelia and not a dead man in Cesserio. None of us have any delusions that Seren has other operatives to do her dirty work. Sending him back is a death sentence, although attempting to assassinate the king of Fanelia hasn't earned him any friends here either.

What bothers me is how over the years there was strong consideration to simply kill the third princess and avoid any chance of a scandal. It would only take one well-placed accident. It was Desmon's partner's unreturned feelings for my current wife that ultimately saved her. It reminded him of the one-sided love that he had, or possibly still has, for Folken. It was a surprise to find the man had those kinds of feelings for my deceased brother. It would have been more so if I hadn't been told about Hitomi's entire vision.

Sure, he tried to kill me, but in a way, both of his failed attempts brought me closer to Hitomi. Because of them, we cleared out all the miscommunications, hurt feelings, and problems we were holding on to. We were able to overcome all the things keeping us apart that were of our own making. Yet again I have to let the woman in-front of me go so we can both move forward.

I pull Eva to her feet. Though she is nearly as tall as I am, she still folds easily into the embrace. "You should marry Jace," I whisper into her braided hair, and she goes rigid in my arms. "He loves you, and you return those feelings. If you know something that scares your sister, that means you have power that could be used for your own benefit. If they want you out of the running for the next queen, marrying below your station would do that."

When I release her, the smile I'm given is as bright as a cloudless day. "Finding my own happiness would be the best revenge."

I can't help but grin in return. "It would be."

After that, I helped her pack and saw my friend off. The transport that brought our annulment papers is waiting to take her home. Though I'm sure the crew would like a day or two in the city, their orders were pretty set. I'm not quite sure how the King will feel about his daughter returning without a husband and one less guard. Regardless, it was all worth it to see something that would scandalized the pretentious sisters who had tortured her in secret.

Just before she would board the carriage that would take her to the waiting ship, I thought briefly of riding out with the Princess. In the end, I would've only gotten to the airfield in time to see the Crusade become a speck on the horizon. Hitomi and I had said our goodbyes last night. I don't know if I could just stand there as she left again. Thinking, I watch as Eva's bags were loaded and her lone guard stands stiffly, trying quite hard not to notice me there. I don't know what bothers the man more: that his former partner tried and failed to kill me, or that for the last two weeks I haven't actually been sleeping with the woman he loves.

Somewhere in his heart, he hated me, envied me, wished I wasn't the one considered good enough to marry his princess. I don't blame him. If it had been Hitomi with another man, one I couldn't fight, well, I wouldn't have been quite as calm. I take a few steps that bring myself to his side and speak low so this stays between us. "It was always you." Stormy gray eyes dart to me. "Eva loves you. The two of you can have a future, but this time you have to let her protect you."

"I don't know if I can." His voice was rough. I couldn't tell if it was from emotion, and I can't honestly remember if I ever heard him speak before. "They'll disown her and fire me. I won't be able to provide for her with anything. She thinks right now that love will be enough, but it never is. I can't take everything away from her."

"Gods, how could she love someone with so little faith in her?" For a moment, I don't know if I'm talking about him or me. Isn't this what Allen said to me before the wedding? "If you can't trust Eva now, then you don't deserve her."

Before I could say anything else, the woman in question is there. "Neither of you can say what I can or can't handle." She's still the girl from years ago who defeated foes with words as easily as with weapons. "I think for the first time I get to decide what makes me happy."

At this, she grabbed the front of the guard's uniform, pulling him forward a staggering step. Then my former wife kisses the red-haired man in front of me. His eyes widen with shock, but after a moment, he was reacting back with equal passion. It felt too personal to watch. As I turned away, I also had to cover my smug smile with one hand. My eyes found a red speck in the sky heading east, the Crusade taking Hitomi away from me.

Though I miss her already, I am still happy. She'll be there when I'm ready.

 **To be continued…**

 **A/N- Well there was most of it. I've decided not to wrap it up here. We'll have a few more chapters, a chance that our pair never got in the series. The simple bits of life that get glossed over. You know all those stories where Hitomi comes back and magically they get their happy ending, well it's not always going to be sunshine and rainbows. Honestly, it's the strife that brings them closer together. When Hitomi was able to help Van it's when they could push through all the complications. Mind you they are mostly issues because the pair let them be.**

 **So now you know that the blackmail and assassination attempts were committed by the same person but for different reasons. Van noted that the older princesses bullied and the belittled Eva, but even he could not have suspected to this degree. I had thought of having her tell Van who the non-princess is but decided that could wait. There was enough discussing of these things for one chapter. Out of the three guesses, 2/3rds might be wrong, maybe more maybe less. I've been pleasantly surprised by the support that you all have shown Eva. For a made up supporting character I tried to get her to be there to help without taking over, and I thought I did a good job. For the most part her part is over, but don't be sad you'll see the Princess again.**


	11. Balance

**I don't have a ton to say up here. Just that all currently posted chapters have been Edited. Thank you Meghanna for your hard word despite the sudden laptop death.** **Meghanna Starsong came to Charleston and visited me it was awesome. I fed her yummy food and chatted for hours, but on the trip her laptop officially bit the dust. So we decided to go ahead a get this out there and when she gets a chance she will save you all from my bad grammar and overuse of certain phrases. The bottom part of the chapter is especial rough because I got stuck there for a very long time. When the block finally lifted it all kind of came out in a jumble... glad they are finally somewhat more organized.**

 **I need to stay away from ebay... it's evil. In the past two weeks I've bought more artbooks, a black Escaflowne figure, and now the actual Japanese copies of the 2 volume shoujo manga version. (I've read translated scans before since I can't read Japanese.)**

 **Broken Promises**

 **Chapter 11- Balance**

 ** _Hitomi_**

As beautiful as Asturia is, it's never felt quite like home, unlike Fanelia. It's strange to think that this is the land of my ancestors, or at least some of them. Even on the Schezar estate inland from the crisp blue sea, the air still tastes of salt carried in on the breeze. Different isn't bad, but it makes me miss Fanelia and her King even more.

Love isn't a feeling; it's a commitment for every day, physically and emotionally. It's not at all like a movie romance. This thing we have is difficult. It's not always going to be laughs, smiles, and fun. People tend to quit when things get hard, but that's not how it works. If you want someone who will never give up on you and love unconditionally, then do the same in return. Love someone even when you don't want to, when they aren't the easiest to deal with. That's the time they need you the most, when it's hard to love them. It's what makes everything worthwhile in the end. That's how it's always been between Van and me, even before I understood the depth of our connection.

A connection now restored it seems. It was a surprise, and we were due for a good one after everything else. The first night on the Crusade as I fell asleep to the gentle rocking of the ship on the wind currents, I found myself not in my stark room, but standing on the palace roof back in Fanelia.

The glow of Earth seemed brighter in the sky tonight as it created a play of shadow and light on the dark rooftops below. Silently, I could feel him move to stand behind me, a comforting warmth at my back. Strong arms enfolded me gently, as though I might disappear at the slightest touch.

"I hoped it would work." Van's low voice in my ear sent an excited shiver down my spine. I tried to turn around to face him, but the tall man held me in place. "Please, let me memorize this moment."

Settling back against the solidness of his muscular chest, I closed my eyes, trying to commit the feel and smell of him to my memory more than the slumbering city at our feet. "Do you often sleep on the roof?"

A low chuckle rumbled through our contact. "No, but it was worth it to see this with you." He stepped away, and I felt cold and sad at the loss. Now I turned to watch as he picked up a blanket left abandoned on the ground. Even in the darkness, I could see the warm grin spreading along his full lips. Coming back to me, Van sat on the edge, long legs dangling down as if the drop below wouldn't kill on impact. Then again, I had a greater fear of waking up than falling.

Wordlessly, I followed his lead, sitting near enough to feel the tingling press of skin where our arms touched. He pulled me closer into his side, wrapping the blanket around our shoulders, connecting us farther in a circle of warmth.

We sat there for a while, time moving slowly with the steady beating of our hearts. My head rested on the solidness of his shoulder, his hand on mine squeezing slightly. It reminded me that we had a lifetime of this to look forward, a love that doesn't need smooth words or spoken promises.

After a while longer, Van's voice came out soft and low. "You weren't the only one to leave me today."

A small, sad smile appeared on his lips, and I had to resist kissing it away. "Eva and her guard left so soon?"

"Mostly." He grimaced at the thought of the man who tried to kill him, twice. "A transport arrived this morning with annulment papers."

"I know." I couldn't help but laugh softly at his surprise. "Yesterday she told me, but I didn't understand until I saw the Cesserian ship. Eva said that you were never hers and that you should be the one to tell me."

Van pressed a soft kiss to my forehead. "How long should I wait to come get you?"

"As long as the world needs to understand." A frown creased his dark brows, and I wanted to take it back and ask Allen to turn the ship around. Deep down, I knew it wasn't fair. "Anyways, you've never had to woo anyone before. This is our chance to start new, and Van Fanel, I expect you to court me properly. Don't worry! You're off to a good start."

With a low chuckle, Van tilted my chin up, so he could kiss my lips, sparks flying through the light touch.

That is how our relationship progressed, sweet and almost hesitant over the distance. I missed him during the days, but we would talk at night in those wonderful little dreams. Sometimes words didn't even need to pass between us, as just the nearness communicated our feelings. For both our sakes, we kept the relationship chaste, stopping at warm embraces and gentle kisses.

I think Allen knew when Van and I would share our nights together. The lightness of my steps in the morning or wistful smiles I couldn't quite hide gave it away. For his part, the knight didn't say anything, but I could feel his eyes watching me, not in a jealous way but a protective one. I've never had an older sibling before and now I had a brotherly one.

To be honest, the blond-haired man wasn't the strangest new addition to my life; Celena was. Having so little contact with the girl my age in the aftermath of the war, I didn't know what to expect. I would never have guessed this outcome. What I found was a willowy girl with cropped, wavy, pale gold hair and eyes the same crystal blue as Allen's. She greeted me cheerfully, but after a moment, her gaze shifted to the side as if hearing something the rest of us couldn't.

"Well, that's not very nice. She doesn't look worn out to me," the girl muttered to herself before pulling her attention back to me with a winning smile. "Well, we are happy you're here."

As it turns out, Dilandau wasn't entirely gone. Where Celena spent years lost in the deep recesses of his mind, she has somehow made room for him to live on through her eyes. He was no longer a leader, but now a copilot, so to speak. This partner's running commentary meant neither of them would ever have to be alone again. I may never get used to living alongside the destroyer of Fanelia, an uncontrollable captain who sought to capture and kill Van years ago. Now he lives his days happily with the knight's sister, turned guymelif mechanic.

The grease under her blunt nails has a healing effect. As it turns out, the work that would have been below the Dragonslayer now helps keep him calm. When I told this to Van, the King was hesitant. He thought it might be a risk staying under the same roof as the psychotic fighter, but all I've had to deal with are sarcastic comments or Celena's eyes rolling in response.

Even if there was a problem, I would have found a way to handle it without interference. I'm strong enough, because I need to be. After all, one day I'll be a queen. The past isn't something I can afford to be afraid of, and neither is Dilandau.

Though my new family wasn't necessarily normal, it did quickly start feeling like home. Maybe not the one I grew up in, or the one where I plan to make many new memories with Van, but it still comforts and accepts all of me.

Most surprising of all, I was summoned to the castle in Palas shortly after my arrival. I heard very little of Millearna since my return other than she was unable to travel to Fanelia for Van's wedding. When asked if she chose to avoid the festivities because she couldn't support Van's choice, Allen just smiled slyly. He insisted it was a personal matter and I would see soon enough. Of course, my friend's reason to avoid the trip was instantly recognizable the moment I saw the queen's rounded belly.

Before I could react, I was pulled into a warm embrace smelling of gardenia and violet blossoms, or whatever those flowers are called here on Gaia. My mind drifts back to Folken's book, and I think of asking Van to teach me more about it when we have the time together.

"I must be imagining things. My friend Hitomi wouldn't come to visit me last." Her voice is a sing-song taunt in my ear, and suddenly I'm fifteen years old again. This headstrong princess became not only my rival but close friend.

I pull away to glance down at the child growing there. "A strange dream it seems, since there is far more of you this time." I was pleased by her rippling laughter of pleasant surprise.

"I swear this is the last one, but who knows? Dryden has his ways of convincing me otherwise." She grinned widely as one slender hand instinctually rubbed soothing circles on the nearly ready child.

My heart warmed at the love those two shared, despite my meddling so long ago. I'm sure whole novels could be written about all the things I missed while living separately, but if anything, it makes me more grateful for the chance I have now. I can write my own story, one where all my old friends and some new ones can be a part of it.

As It turns out, the two boys, with wavy chestnut hair and bright lavender eyes, immediately accepted me as Aunt Hitomi when their mother introduced me to them as such. Raised on a steady stream of stories of the Girl from the Mystic Moon and the White Dragon, I was grateful that the wild bedtime stories excluded our names. Would I tell my own children those tales of danger, adventure, and love? How long until they became more myth than truth?

That night, I pulled Van into a dream. He could only show me where he was at the moment sleep set in, but I was stronger. I always have been. I chose to meet in a field of blooming wildflowers near Allen's home, though I was securely tucked into my own bed within the brick walls.

All it took was one look at my face and his strong arms were around me, his earthy smell of spring competing with the riot of summer blooms at our bare feet. It was so different from the embrace that I shared with my friend that morning.

"What's wrong?" His smooth tenor was soothing in my ear.

"Why were Millearna's eyes sad when her smile was so happy?" I could feel him sigh, the breath warm on my neck despite the cool night breeze drifting around us.

"She never was quite able to hide her worry as well as she thought." At that, Van pulled me down to sit surrounded by the soft petaled flowers. This had to be something difficult. It was like he felt guilty for telling me something that wasn't really his business. "You've met Millearna's sons, Adrion and Nikko, but she had a daughter, Liana. She would have been around three moons now." He took my hand, neither of us quite sure if this would work. After all, I rarely try to call on my abilities, aside from these dreams.

Not being much of a story teller, the raven-haired man chose to show me instead. Images flowed through my mind like water, filling cracks and coursing quickly into spaces I hadn't even known were there, ones where sadness didn't linger in lavender eyes. Millearna looks so happy with Dryden sitting at her side, and a bump, much smaller than the one currently growing visible under the layered skirts, is there. I recognize the boys, but much younger, their little hands tugging at her dress as they play. I can tell they aren't in Asturia, and I would recognize the Fanelian palace anywhere along with the three people the queen is talking to: Merle, Wren, and Van. This must have been around the time of the Neko couple's wedding three years ago.

They stand, and she follows suit. Only Millearna has two small children at her feet. The golden-haired woman misses a step to avoid a toy or tripping over one of the boys. It's a small thing, one that normally wouldn't matter much, but sudden pain creases her beautiful face. Instantly, Dryden is at her side. She waves his concern away, saying it is nothing but the normal growing pains.

That night she woke in a cold sweat, blood soaking through the pale fabric of her nightgown. You'd think that with all her medical training the signs would have been clear. Then again, if every little thing caused panic, the woman would never get any rest. There's an old saying, " _When you hear hoof beats, think horses, not zebras._ " So, with that in mind, the simple explanations and common problems were what she wanted to believe.

In the thin hours of the morning, a small, weak girl was born far too soon. Maybe Millearna shouldn't have been traveling this late in the pregnancy. It could be that she ignored symptoms as minor, because that's the safe bet most of the time, rationalizing. Two completely normal pregnancies and healthy babies could have made it easy to overlook something key.

The tiny baby survived, but she was never strong like the others. They named her Liana, which is the word for Lily here. Dryden became so wrapped up in the little girl's care he couldn't tear himself away, but Millearna could barely look at the child, internalizing and blaming herself for what happened. So, when a fever took the small infant only months into her short life, the feelings were mixed, equal parts pain and relief.

I didn't want to see anymore. Not their grief. Not Dryden's breakdown or my friend's complete emotional shutdown. It wasn't right to know that she swore never to have any more children or that the couple slept in separate rooms for a while. It took almost a year to let her husband touch her again. Afterward, they both cried together that first time. When Van's engagement announcement arrived, she had just found out she was pregnant again, and both were complete surprises.

Out of caution, she didn't even attend the engagement party a few months later. It was early enough that it shouldn't have been a problem, but caution and past medical history kept her home. Instead, she made sure that Allen gave her a full report upon his return.

That's where the vision ended. Van didn't know what had happened with the golden-haired queen since his wedding. Between Allen's distance and the distraction taking over his own life, it's understandable, but not keeping up with her still made him feel a bit guilty. As Liana was born in Fanelia, he always felt responsible for the sad outcome and her short life.

Coming back to the present, I find I'm laying down surrounded by the gentle tickle of wildflowers and Van's comforting embrace. Also, I'm crying.

With a soft kiss on my forehead, he rolled me away so that my view shifted to gazing up at the star speckled sky. It might have been so I didn't see the fresh glimmer of his own tears, but I didn't mind. Van had just shared a strong, sad moment that I wasn't there for, one that took place after I had already left him and moved on to what I thought was my own happy ending. No one told me before. Was it because it wasn't my business or that they didn't want to burden me?

"Why is it so sad here?" I know there isn't a good answer, but I want one. Somehow, I know before he opens his mouth, he won't tell me lies, even if it would make me feel better.

"It's sad everywhere." Van's voice was stronger than I felt. "It doesn't matter which world you are on. Terrible things happen to good people all the time. Did no one die on your planet? Were there no wars, diseases, or accidents? It only seems more so here, because you see it now. Now you can feel others' pain, Hitomi, and that compassion makes you stronger. Just know even you can't carry everyone's pain."

I turn to look at him, the warmth in his eyes alone calms the argument on my lips. I know how lucky I've been to have my family and friends safe and supported, but I left that all behind. I didn't do it for Van, Merle, or even Millearna. Yes, I want to be there for them too, but this is my choice. It had to be. "Because it's not my problem?"

"No." Van reached out for me, rough fingers softly trailing down my cheeks. They follow the drying trail of my shed tears. "It's one of the things I love about you so much. Hitomi, never stop caring. I've had to learn the hard way that chasing the past leaves very little time to live for the future."

I grasp his hand, twining my fingers through his roughened ones. "You don't have to do any of this alone. Not ever again."

His grip tightened in mine a moment before dragging our clasped hands towards him. He kisses my knuckles tenderly. The electricity is there, moving between us, and I don't want to wake up. Unfortunately, I do to pale morning light and an empty spot in the bed next to me.

The days became a pattern, a repeating rhythm, like a song on a continual loop. You'd think it'd get old after a while, but the more I heard this song, the more I enjoyed it. These sweet moments with Van. Getting to know Celena and her patient acceptance of our strange life dynamic. Spending time with Millearna, as the friend she needs. Surprisingly, I found my place in the library Leon Shezar left behind with Allen going through old texts together.

I've wanted to find where I belong here, not just at Van's side, but where I could make a difference. It's good to have some first-aid skill, though I won't ever be a doctor like Izumi or Millearna. Though being a ruler with Van is part of my future, it's not all of it. There has to be more I can offer than political support. Unlike Van and many of our friends, I wasn't raised in that sort of world.

The things I was taught in school may not all be true here, but enough of the facts carry over with the knowledge already acquired in this world. Allen's given me permission to compile his father's journals and findings to publish a book. Telling the world the truth about Atlantis might help dispel false beliefs. The old adage holds true, " _Those who do not learn from history are doomed to repeat it._ " We saw it first hand when Zaibach tried to resurrect the Atlantis Machine. It nearly destroyed this world, just like it did the ancient island country and its population. I never want anyone to have to live through that ever again.

I've had thoughts about asking Van if I could work on Folken's plant studies as my next project, but I don't know if it will be a sensitive subject. During one of my many visits to Millearna, we talked about some of the things I read in Folken's journal. She was both surprised and impressed. The disgraced prince was an intellectual giant, and the little bit of his writing I remembered was beyond what most of her medical texts knew. Funny thing is, it was written somewhere between fifteen and twenty years ago. The depth of his studies could have a lasting positive impact on modern medicine here.

Personally, I'd want to leave out the parts about poisons. Would that be doing a disservice to his memory, to all he had to teach?

That is what I tended to talk to Millearna about: research and medicine. Of course, she wanted the whole story about Van and me from the very beginning. I was determined not to give her a play by play, but who can refuse those big lavender eyes? So, I started from where I accepted a marriage proposal against my better judgment. Not that she knows what a soap opera is, but it was like that level of entertainment for her. I wanted to stop where I arrived in time to see Van marry another woman, one I couldn't bring myself to dislike.

Instead, she ordered more tea, leaning back in her chair, one hand resting on the large still growing stomach. I offered to come back another day but, she wasn't having any of that.

"Oh, no, you can't stop there." My friend threw her arms up in exasperation, as if that could halt a cliffhanger in her favorite show. "It was just getting exciting."

"Millearna!" I wanted to sound annoyed, but that was hard to do while laughing. "So, I yelled at him, and instead of shouting back, Van calmly invited me to stay. What else do you want me to say?"

"That you kissed the stubborn man right on his stupid mouth," she declared colorfully.

"No." I shook my head, trying not to smile. "He pretty much ignored me for a week. Merle wasn't happy he volunteered her to host me, but getting to know Wren and spending time with little Nevah was nice. Then at dinner one-night Van was poisoned."

Dramatically, the queen dropped the small iced cake she was about to eat. It was almost comical, so I continued with the story of how Van knew what it was and though how I nursed him through the night. I breezed through the next week of history until I reached the part where we fought in his study.

"Wait! Slow down!" Millearna shot forward in her chair, her expressive hands trying to punctuate the air with interest. "Did he push you back on the desk, or did you straddle him?"

My cheeks flushed trying not to see her large belly. It further reminded me that I'm talking about sexual situations with my friend who apparently has far more experience than me. "Did you hear that he brought up mistresses and bastards while we were kissing?"

"Yes, he's always been a bit slow. We all know it, just another part of Van's charm." Millearna sighed, trying to speed the story through the less steamy parts. "Then again, you slapped the man, and that's also part of your charm. Hitomi, you may have ran away, but none of that is as shocking as the two of you getting hot and heavy while he's still married to the youngest princess of Cesserio."

I almost choke on my lukewarm tea. Of course, she would focus on that. Despite her protests, I skipped forward to the vision I had of Van's attack and running back to the castle, my last minute save like old times. Though I wasn't a doctor like Millearna, she still nodded her approval as I told of treating Van's wounds. I refused to go into detail of what happened after that, other than Van admitting that he planned to have an annulment.

"So, he never slept with Eva in the two weeks they were together, but you can't tell me nothing happened when you were alone together," she goaded, trying to wheedle out more information. "Come on, you have to give me something."

It might have been the begging, but I gave in. Looking down into my neglected teacup, I couldn't get rid of the embarrassed blush burning. I raised my empty hand, holding up two fingers. "Twice."

The excited squeal of laughter reminded me of the strong-willed teenage princess I once knew. She was now a world-tested queen who'd lived through loss no parent should know, the grief of burying their child. If talking about my sex-life, or current lack of one, distracted her, then I am happy to be embarrassed for a little bit longer. Of course, to my complete humiliation, Millearna asked when I would be as big as her.

Thanks to our reestablished connection, Van and I haven't been keeping any secrets this time around. During one dream where I took us back to that forest campfire after fleeing Asturia, he told me of the lost spaces between our reunion. The trials of the first couple years where he poured his heart into rebuilding Fanelia, and then missing me didn't seem to hurt as bad when he was busy. Putting distance between us was his way of making things easier on us both.

I learned the names of the women before me, and though I wanted to be jealous, I understood their role in his life. There was Elina the Asturian widow, who was more of a mentor. Van became a man too young, and this business-like relationship helped his confidence to grow and catch up. After that, he chose to wait for me, at least until I asked permission to move on without him. Arianne was, in a sense, his rebound. In a way, their physical fling hurt more, because it was my fault in reality.

In turn, I told him about my job, spending time with my family, and, of course, dating Izumi. I used to think I loved the man, but the closer we got, the more I had to shut down my emotions to stay with him. Everyone assumed I was happy with him, so I had to pretend it was true. Still, I was never able to go any farther. It never felt right. Only Van and I could ever have the kind of connection I was always looking for. I even talked about the brief time where I thought I was pregnant from our shared dream.

That surprised Van more than anything. It was, of course, a false alarm, but the reaction I had to it was real. It was then I realized that I did want to have children, but only with Van. That was something he was quite happy to hear. It almost made him break our promise to wait until we could truly be together. Just because I haven't gotten pregnant yet doesn't mean it's not a possibility if we keep messing around.

Life stayed in this steady cycle for a few weeks. I didn't visit the palace every day. Most of the time, I just occupied myself around the manor. Allen was on duty at the palace that morning. Celena and her invisible sibling were out in what used to be a stable. They'd turned it into a workshop filled with machine parts and semi-working melifs. So, I was puttering around the library like usual when something on a top shelf caught my attention.

I moved a wooden ladder used for re-shelving books over and climbed up it. Unfortunately, the last rung was still short of my goal, so with one hand braced against the built-in bookcase, I reached up with the other. My fingers brushed something like stiff paper and pushed it back further out of reach. With a huff, I pushed up on my toes, stretching, just barely grasping the object and pulling it towards me.

Something that felt like an electric shock traveled through me from my outstretched fingertips to the toes I was balancing precariously upon. Flashing images like someone flipping photographs passed quickly just behind my eyes. A shattered teacup. Blood staining white bedsheets. Tiny fingers. Wide, fear-filled lavender eyes.

Millearna was going into labor, maybe right now or in a few hours, but soon. I had to believe she was going to be fine, but she was afraid. I needed to be there, not here flipping through old books that can wait till later. My friend needed me right now.

I nearly leapt from the ladder, the impact traveling up my legs sharply. I didn't pause. I sprinted from the library, the object still in my hand making a whirling sound as I ran, my grandmother's red and white pinwheel spinning in the self-made wind.

The knight had spent much of the funds he acquired through hard work to rebuild the life his father abandoned. Though the manor was fairing well, it's an impossible task to do alone. Allen only has one yorkel, which is already in Palas with him. We aren't far from the city limits, although I can't possibly run it. It doesn't stop me from bursting out into the yard like a wild thing being chased.

My sudden arrival is met with a thud as the workshop's door swings open. Celena appeared, wiping greasy hands on an almost equally dirty rag. It's still strange to me. The image of Dilandau or Celena as anything less than impeccable never crossed my mind before I really had the chance to know them.

"Hitomi, what's wrong?" the girl in control asked, concern lacing her normally calming voice.

"I need to get to the palace." Though I spoke to Celena, my eyes move around rapidly, looking for a means of transportation though I know there are none. Allen has a carriage, but it's useless without an animal. We were also too far outside the city for a hired taxi either.

"Okay, I think I got the Edzgardian armor running, but it doesn't have a flying feature." She brushed the pale golden hair out her face and smeared a dark streak of grease in its place.

"Do you know how to pilot it?" I couldn't help but ask. Hope wants to rise fast inside of me.

Letting out a short laugh, she shrugged. "Not really, but I know someone who does. Just promise not to tell Allen and we can get you into the city."

I say "yes," because I don't have any other option. Celena is no longer standing in front of me. Instead, I look directly into blood red eyes. Shoulders broaden, and a hard, flat chest strains against the previously loose shirt. Silver hair falls where gold was moments before. Fair skin is marred with a deep scar on one side of an androgynously handsome face. The gear grease is still on Dilandau's forehead even though Celena smeared it there.

"It's been a while, hasn't it? This could be fun." The albino warrior smirked, but there wasn't any malice behind it. Years of living as part of kind, sweet, understanding Celena had tempered some of the uncontrollable fire in this man. I don't know if I can trust someone so destructive, but I believe in the girl I've grown to appreciate and understand.

Despite my better judgement, I climbed into the waiting hand of a guymelif. This machine has almost nothing in common with Escaflowne, aside from maybe some of the inner workings. The metal was probably more rust and dents than anything else. It's short, squat body was made of not entirely matching parts. Even inside the cockpit was different, because it wasn't Van. Dilandau had nothing to gain from helping me, except maybe a small amount of time with a body in his control.

Even with the repaired armor's jerky movements, there was a freedom to this. I could close my eyes and picture a different place and time. The city rose up around us. We took back alley pathways, almost too tight for safe passage, and we still started to draw unwanted attention.

With a squeal of old gears, the armor came to a sudden stop. "This is as far as we can take you." Dilandau's voice came out muffled by the slatted metal visor still covering his scarred face. "I trust even you can hire a carriage to go the rest of the way from the market place without getting into trouble."

For a moment, I was tempted to ask the albino if this hunk-of-barely-moving-junk could survive a trip through the canals. Unfortunately, I knew this was a far cry from the past and attempting that maneuver in the middle of the day would only get my unlikely hero in trouble or drown us both, whichever came first.

I thanked both people trapped in that body which defied logic and reason. With a parting comment from Dilandau, which wasn't meant for me, the pilot left. "Well, who's not being nice now?"

He was right though; my track record is a bit iffy when it comes to the adventures I've happened upon. Somehow, the pieces always ended up fitting together, but not always in a way I'd have expected. Regardless, I arrived at the palace without incident. Well, except that they wouldn't let me in.

In all my visits since returning, everywhere has been open to me, as if I belonged from the very beginning. Now, it seems like I am once more the girl that was only tolerated as long as someone with a title spoke up for me. It wasn't a feeling I enjoyed, at all.

"No visitors," the guard stated stonily, or as serious as one can be wearing tights and puffy sleeves. I wanted to snatch the floppy hat off of his and beat him to death with the large pink feather.

"I know." The entire feeling of the castle was different today. Restless or nervous, it was impossible to tell, maybe both. "It's just that I need to be with Millearna right now."

Normally, I would've been more tactful of my use of the queen's first name. Hearing it nearly made the uniformed man flinch, but right now his sensitive values didn't really matter to me. My friend, on the other hand, meant everything. Knowing I couldn't expect to have anyone come to my defense, I did the next best thing. With a defeated look, I turned away. I did so only long enough for the man to believe he'd won, relaxing his guard. With a quick pivot on my left heel, I rocketed forward, ducking around the surprised sentinel with a burst of speed.

A shout went up as I sprinted swiftly down the long, lavishly decorated corridor. I knew this castle almost as well as the very different one in Fanelia. When it came to running through the homes of monarchs, no one seems to have quite the experience I do. The decision to take a different path or turn happened instantly without slowing down for an instant. Then the large doors leading to Millearna's rooms came into view with only one remaining obstacle, and I didn't think Dryden would be much of an issue.

The noise from my approach made the man pause in his worried pacing. The light caught the lenses of his glasses. "Hitomi?" he questioned, shock outweighing the anxiety if only a moment. I guess I was still pretty good at surprising people. "The messenger reached you already?"

Now it was my turn to be startled. I stumble to a stop, and on instinct, the tall man reaches out to steady my last uneven steps. "You sent for me?"

"Of course." He straightened glasses that weren't crooked to hide the way his eyes darted to the closed doors. "Millearna insisted, and I wanted someone to be with her this time."

Despite the differences from three years ago, both of my friends were reliving their sad, shared history. "I'm here now," was all I could say as the tightness in my throat made everything else impossible.

It was then that the guards caught up, and Dryden once more became his old, charismatic self. He assured them that I had been summoned, but that their dedication was admirable. He was still soothing egos when I slipped through the doors. As they closed, it seemed as if I had stepped into another world, one of shadows and stifling heat.

The first thing I did was start to open windows, letting in bright midmorning light and cool sea breezes. Instantly, a stern-faced woman intercepted me. "Stop that! You're inviting evil spirits."

"No, you're breeding bacteria and infection with your silly superstitions." My words were like a slap to the face. The insult to her beliefs might have been worse if the queen hadn't started laughing.

Millearna's golden hair was pulled back from her abnormally pale face. If she went into labor when I had the vision, and it took about an hour to get here, then we might be in for a very long day. Then again, she isn't a first-time mother; her body knows how to do this. It's just her mind that is afraid.

"I'm here," I say as I move to her side. I'm not going to take over as her midwife. I don't have the experience. As a friend though, I can definitely do that. I helped time her contractions, soothed hair back from her sweaty face, distracted her from the pain with stories, and kept Dryden updated.

As the day turned into night, things progressed smoothly or as much as I could tell. Eventually, it came time for her to push, and that's where we ran into an issue. My brave, intelligent friend was no longer fearless. Life had worn away at her slowly until new was terrifying.

"I can't," she cried, face drawn with exhaustion, refusing to do any more. She was scared that history would repeat, and she would lose another child tragically.

The midwife pulled me aside. "You have to make her push."

Somehow, I became the one in-charge here, and I honestly had no idea what to do next. She's right though. Millearna was getting tired and losing too much blood. Even so, I can't quite figure out how to convince her everything will be alright when I have no idea myself. I wish the vision had shown me more. All I really knew is that my friend was going into labor and I needed to be here.

Maybe I could make myself see more. I know I could have done if I had the pendant, but I don't want to rely on it or ask Van for something that is part of his heritage. It's also part of my history, but I've been able to have visions without it. They were small glimpses on Earth of memories, shared dreams between worlds, and the few larger visions that came in times of need.

I took Millearna's hot, almost feverish hand, and though the image was quick, gone in an instant, I knew what I had to do. Crouching down so that my face was almost level with hers, I waited for the current contraction to pass. I looked directly into my friend's scared eyes. I had one chance to get her to believe me.

You see, I've read all the baby books I could, and there are a ton of them. Yukari may have been the only one actually having children, but she was a bit of a hypochondriac. Every time she had heartburn, she worried the baby was in distress. So, I read the books and eased her fears, keeping her calm. Being rational was pretty much my job then as it is now.

I studied the problems and complications, so I could convince Yukari that it wasn't happening. Now, I had to do the opposite. The cord was wrapped around this poor child's neck. It's not dangerous yet. However, the longer the child moves around, the tighter it will become. The longer this takes, the more distressed the child will become. Without modern monitors, I could only guess that it wasn't already compromising heart rate and other vitals. I trust that this seasoned midwife will take care of her patient. It's my turn to see to mine.

"Listen to me, Millearna. your baby is in danger, and she needs you right now. She needs you to push. The longer you resist, the more distressed and dangerous it will become for her." She realizes I just told her this was another girl, maybe her last shot at having a daughter. "Please trust us. Seeing you both safe is the only thing that matters right now."

"I can't, Hitomi. What if I hurt her again?" Her voice trembled with fear and exhaustion. My friend had been at this around fourteen hours, and the last one or two she's been fighting her body's need to end it.

"It's okay to be afraid," I soothed, gently pressing a damp cloth to her brow. "Were you scared when Allen was injured protecting me?"

Her eyes went wide, and the question was on her lips why I was bringing up old history at a time like this. I pushed on quickly. "When my heart stopped in Freid, were you scared when you talked Van through the steps to save me? While Van bled from magical, unexplainable wounds after Escaflowne was damaged? I know you were at a loss, but it didn't stop you. None of it did. You always remained calm and found a way to help. I don't think anyone of us would have lived through the war if it hadn't been for your quick actions and cool thinking. So, now it's my turn to look out for you. Please, Millearna, just trust me."

Throughout my speech, she had another one or two contractions. As I talked, she seemed to fight them a little less. I took one of her hands in mine and gripped it firmly. "Good. Now that is out of the way. I need a big push at the next contraction."

She nodded with a wane smile, giving my hand a return squeeze. Doing as instructed for the first time all night, Millearna pushed. It took a few tries, but her task was soon completed. Tense silence briefly filled the room as the midwife removed the cord from around the infant's neck. Face wrinkled in concentration, the woman rubbed the tiny being's chest and back swiftly. Then a sharp cry filled the room, and we all breathed again.

"Hitomi, can you bring her to me?" my friend asked, her voice breaking with emotion.

With a grin I couldn't hide, I almost floated to the midwife in relief. The woman finished tucking a blanket around the still sticky, new princess. She regarded me with something that looked like a mixture of awe and respect in her knowledgeable eyes. The words didn't need to be said; they were clear enough. I had just saved two precious lives tonight. Any more of a delay and it would have been too late for the baby. It went without saying that losing another child would have destroyed the queen.

Yukari always said that newborn babies all look like angry, red potatoes, and in a way, she wasn't wrong. Wrinkled and crying, infants don't come out looking like they do in movies. Those children are often several months old, round cheeks and chubby limbs come in gradually. They aren't born looking quite like that. Though I have only seen a few newborns, I still admit that this little one doesn't have the same lumpy, ruddy features of my other friend's infants.

I handed Millearna a healthy bundle with pale, clear skin and a perfect rosebud mouth already looking for her first meal. A new, indescribable emotion welled in my chest, wondering what it would be like for someone to had me a baby of my own one day. Leaving my friend with her little girl, I went for the door.

Dryden waited outside all this time. Someone had thought to bring the poor man a chair. He started at the sight of me. Before he could ask, I already had the update ready. "They are both doing well."

He thanked me, and as soon as the midwife declared Millearna decent, he went straight for his wife. It felt like imposing on a personal moment. Listening to him telling my friend how amazing she is, after all is a time between just them. As I turned to go find a way back home, they called out to me.

"Hitomi, wait." Millearna's voice once, more calm and strong, carried to me. I returned to my friend's side, Dryden now holding his beautiful daughter.

The man spoke without taking his eyes from the tiny girl in his arms. "It's late. You should stay here tonight. I'll have a message sent to Allen."

"Thank you." I meant it, feeling the exhaustion of the day creeping into my bones.

"One more thing." Millearna drew my attention back to her. "I wanted to tell you her name before you go. Dryden and I both agreed on Marlene Hitomi Fassa di Aston, and we'd like you to be her godmother."

I felt warm, honored, to be included in their life in such a personal way. Sometimes, I forget the impact I have here, as Gaia is now and forever more my home.

To be continued…

 **A/N**

 **JEEZUS it took me forever to get unstuck when Millearna was too afraid to push. Hitomi's speech finally came to me at like 3am one night. You have to admit that Millearna was both terrified and fearless in the series. So many times the situation was dire and called on her using her knowledge instead of emotions.**

 **Another note- The full name… I really wanted to name the baby Marlene Hitomi, but couldn't decided to have her last name as Aston since it's the royal name or Fassa because of the masculine line. I gave a chance to do both. The last name is Fassa and di means of in Italian, so she is technically Marlene Hitomi Fassa, of Aston/Asturia. What do you think too much? Just make her one or the other? This way is kind of growing on me since it kind of gives a feel more like Van and Folken's de Fanel, since they were of the royal line of Fanelia.**

 **Last note, This chapter ended up really long, so I thought to remove the bit of her wanting to write Folken's herbology book, that can always be removed in final editing, but I liked talking about it here because it lead to her medical talks with Millearna, and you reviewers were really interested in what Hitomi would find as her passion or specialty here on Gaia. After all she is now just going to teach on a larger scale. Some people might think she could use her powers to diagnose illness or injury, but thats not Hitomi's calling. She only uses those powers when in need and generally for those closest to her. The full extent of her abilities are still something she doesn't understand, nor does she want them to define her.**

 **Can't wait to here what you think. Again I apologize for the delay.**


	12. Anticipation

**Apologies and appreciation at the end. Lots of it really, my mind had a lot to say so I'll keep it short up here. Enjoy!**

 **Broken Promises**

 **Chapter 12- Anticipation**

 _ **Van**_

The wind rushes past in a mock impression of flying through the bright summer sky. I guess for most people it's as close as they will ever get. I stand at the strong metal railing outside the bridge of a leviship in transit. I know the difference. I've experienced what it truly feels like to slice through the air, riding each rising wind current with my own power and ability. Just thinking about it makes the skin over my shoulder blades itch with anticipation. It's been too long since I've felt that kind of open freedom.

My hand goes automatically to the pink stone resting on my chest. Just a little farther now. Wait for me a tiny bit longer, Hitomi. I think of her often, but not in the "I can't focus on my tasks" lovesick way. I can function, although I've had a lot of practice missing her. The slightest thought or memory doesn't make my heart ache, but soar as if through the cloudless sky: open, free, unchained by obligation or expectations.

She makes me want to be better. As I grow, she does too. Together, the distance doesn't matter. Past hurts and misunderstandings are merely lessons learned the hard way. Pushing Hitomi away, trying to force a response, even hiding ourselfs away we've hurt each other over and over again, but love is not a painless thing. I only pray that I learn along the way to be a more understanding compassionate partner.

When Hitomi and I first expressed our feelings physically, we hurt each other with hesitation and miscommunication. So much of our problems and broken promises to others could have been addressed right there in that dream. Instead, I lashed out and she withdrew. After the recent assassination attempt, the things between us could have easily dissolved in the same negative direction. This time I chose to tell her the truth, embarrassing as it was that I was neither a true man nor husband to Eva. I had to trust the woman I loved enough to bare everything, even the parts of me I'd like to hide from the world.

We have been doing just that for the last three moons, holding nothing back even with the distance separating us. Our incredible bond only grows stronger.

My gaze may be pointed towards the distant mountains, but I see the moments that led me to now as clearly as if I am back in the training room. I feel the controlled energy running through my poised limbs. My eyes steadily track my opponent, locked with his teal ones which are focused, dangerous. He and I anticipate every movement seconds before the burst of action actually comes.

Quick as a striking dragon, the air whistles past me as a silver edged blur, but I wasn't where he expected me to be. Not holding back, my adversary wasn't going down easy; then again, neither was I. Seamlessly switching to the offensive, I pushed the advantage of his extended arms. I shoot forward narrowing the gap between us, but true to history the opening in his protective stance closed tight as a sprung trap.

Our blades collided with enough strength to feel it all the way up my arms. Our eyes locked in a test of wills, mine with his dusted all around with a spattering of spots. Wren shoved back a touch harder than a friendly sparring match called for. The corner of my mouth twitched up in return. If that is how it was going to be, I could play the same game.

His next swing swipes where my head used to be. I duck low and in the same movement push off from the balls of my feet. This action propelled me swiftly under his guard. My sword spins around fluidly in a practiced motion. The metal ring on the end of my pommel smacks into my knuckles as I drive the golden end into his unprotected torso.

Using naturally superior reflexes, he twists just in time to turn it into a glancing blow, but it's still enough to stagger him back a step. His surprised chuckle reminded us both of the nature of this battle, a friendly match to loosen muscles and maintain the sharpness of our skills.

Before we can resume the fight, someone clears their throat from the doorway. I was facing that direction, so I already knew who intruded. Wren's feline ears just needed to twitch and instantly recognized his wife without the need of sight at all.

"Are you boys done trying to kill each other yet?" Merle sighed with an exasperated roll of her large eyes.

"I'm good for now." I sheath my sword and look to my sparring partner.

With a deep laugh, the Neko man rubbed his lean side. "My ribs would agree."

It's then I see Merle has a thick parchment in her slender fingers. "You have something for me?"

"Depends on how much you love me," she taunted with a playful note in her voice. Though she hides the missive behind her back, I still caught sight of the Asturian royal seal pressed into the envelope.

"I love you like…"

Before I could finish the comment, Wren growled in the back of his throat with a threatening note. Deep down, I knew it was all in jest, just as he is quite aware I've never had designs on his wife. That didn't mean the thought of being on this side of his anger wasn't the smallest bit scary. Then again, I'm sure those on the receiving end of my temper found it a difficult situation as well.

"Like the best sister on Gaia," I finish with a laugh, enjoying the light-hearted banter.

Merle pinches her husband's spotted arm, and he jumps at the sudden attack. My best general is fully at her mercy. Watching their compatible love in action made my heart pain for the girl I had let go a second time. As happy for them as I am, it is hard to watch the way her hand lingers on his patterned flesh. I didn't need to know that it was her fingers deftly braiding the sections of hair over his large ears into tight rows each morning. I didn't want to know the loving way he kissed Merle on each of the narrow stripes decorating either side of her face before going to sleep every single night.

I've always been happy that those two found each other, and in some way, I knew they supported my love for Hitomi equally. I wanted to fall asleep every night with her in my arm and wake to see her face each morning. I hope that the rest of my life will be paved with memories like a mosaic: happy, sad, joy, and anger. Regardless, they will always be together with her.

As I already knew from our shared dreamscapes, Asturia welcomed a healthy princess nearly two months ago. However, because of the tragic past, they decided to wait for the big announcement. Here it was finally, inviting the world to the official naming and welcoming of the latest royal birth. I, along with the rest of Fanelia's ruling house, including the Nekos, have been invited to the event. What got my heart racing faster than the brisk spar earlier was the knowledge that I'll never have a better opportunity than this.

It's time. Three moons have passed while I waited. As Hitomi said, we needed to give the world a chance to understand.

My engagement and wedding to Eva was widely publicized, even though the marriage lasted only a fortnight. If I were to move on so suddenly, it would cast a shadow on my prior wife's reputation, one salvaged by a combination of partially leaked information and Cesserio covering their involvement. The best lies, after all, have a basis of truth. All of Gaia now knows that Eva had been haunted for years, and her past suitors coming forward only added credit to the story.

The truth ends where the story begins, that her marriage to the King of Fanelia was a ruse to draw out the stalker: a single man who was completely obsessed with the princess. Only we know that Desmon, though infatuated with a person he could never have, never thought twice about the long-haired woman. He didn't want to kill me just so I couldn't have her. It's true enough that the threats were to keep strong suitors away, but they were never the Zaibach infiltrator's idea. They were merely a means of survival when the puppet masters let him get away with just about anything short of murder.

We know the truth, as does the man looking at a long stretch of time as a non-negotiable guest in Fanelia's only prison. Some might think me soft for not executing the man who came so close to killing me, but ending his life would have been the easy way out and a waste of leverage.

Not mine, of course, but Eva's. Those sisters of hers didn't stand a chance. After all, she held the key to a secret that could upset the royal line, one that at least Seren would do anything to keep. If that means the youngest princess finally gets to be happy, that's all that really matters.

I come back to myself all at once. Wind whipping through my hair, I know what drew my attention back to the present. The pendant winked to life if only for a moment, but it told me all I needed. With swift, decisive movements, I climb onto the railing before anyone is able to stop me or even call out. My shirt is off and tucked into the back of my pants. I glance over one shoulder through a large bridge window and see Wren start for the door. Merle's hand on his arm freezes him in place just as I step off into space.

My shoulders burn with the urge to let loose, but I hold it back as I drop through the air like a heavy stone through still water, straight down. The longer I wait the more distance I put between myself and the ship's path. The world is a spiral of swirling colors and whipping wind. With a sharp exhale, I release my tightly held control. What was an uncomfortable itch before becomes a fstabbing pain as the flesh rips and shreds with the explosion of my curse.

The wings grow swiftly, solidifying from nothing like magic living inside my blood, because in a sense, it is. Catching the wind currents as my descent stops, I turn from falling into a flight. I soar over the ground where I could have been a messy splatter without my unique ability. I used to hate and hide it until a girl with large green eyes told me my wings were beautiful. She was wrong though; Hitomi was the amazing one, after all.

I was raised under the invisible burden of my ancestors' mistakes. Nothing can change what I am, and few people understand that it is no fault of mine to be born this way. Hitomi readily accepted all of me, as only one raised without prejudice could. She found beauty where others see only tragedy. It was her steadfast nature that taught me that things aren't always how they appear.

Yes, she was a seemingly normal girl, who became extraordinary the more I learned about her. As her own powers grew, saving others caused her pain and became a struggle no one could have prepared her for. Her strength and compassion was what made me fall so inexplicably hard in love with her. Love isn't logical. If it were, then I would have been happy with the princess at my side. Eva wouldn't have fallen for her unranked guard. Most of all, Hitomi would have been perfectly content on her own world, never looking back at the war-torn land or lonely king left behind.

Excitement causes my heart to soar along with the strong beats of my large wings. I've been to the Shezar estate a few times, but mostly coming from the direction of the city. It's not that I wasn't welcomed, but Allen's pride and desire to keep his personal life just that kept me from becoming too familiar. The red brick manor house comes into view. It's like its neighbors in appearance, but I'd recognize it from any angle along with the small figure that bursts out into the yard as I approach.

Her short, sandy blond hair sweeps away from a face that would have been considered common in appearance if her huge heart didn't show in every pure expression. In this, she was absolutely stunning, and I was not the only one to have noticed. I've especially become thankful for Allen's protective nature since we last separated.

The more time she spent here and at the castle in Palas, the more rumors of a mysterious lady with uncommon warmth and kindness started to circulate. Other nobles have started to ask after her, and though no competition for me in her heart, it was time for her to come home. Especially before Hitomi Shezar Kanzaki, country cousin to the famous knight Caile Allen Shezar, starts to break hearts, or I have to start breaking bones. All in all, something best to avoid.

Since learning more of his father's original meeting with the first girl from the Mystic Moon, Allen suspected there might have been a closer bond. Cousin was easier for most to understand than possible niece, and they never did claim where or which country the athletic girl hailed from.

I was close enough now to read the clear joy in her luminous eyes, which most likely mirrored my own expression. Before my feet have even touched down on solid ground, she is once more in my arms. The fresh scent of bright sunshine comes directly from her and not the warm, late summer day. Everywhere contact was made tingled with warmth and a profound feeling of rightness.

"I've missed you," I breathed softly into her silky hair.

Her slender arms tightened around my neck in response. Now that I was here with her once more in my arms, the rest of my plans seemed to evaporate. For the first time, nothing stood between us: no oaths to the dead, confused feelings, or misunderstood situations. Peace reigned in a land where darkness once ruled. Our latest misssteps have lead us here together where we no longer worry about public appearances and conflicting promises made to others.

"Even with the distance, I've held you tightly in my heart." Her words, though soft, carried the strength of pure belief. They were as powerful as all the combined magic on this world or any other. We separated just enough for our mouths to find each other, sparks dancing between us. Though our feet remained on the ground, we still found a way to fly together. Pulling on the power forming the expansive wings at my back, I felt them dissolve in a storm of freed feathers.

My Draconian side is once more invisible to normal eyes. Well, not entirely gone as I caught sight of a few long feathers trapped in the silky strands of Hitomi's hair. With a soft laugh, I pulled away only to pick the debris free, further proof that this is not a dream after all.

Her bright gaze trapped me as firmly as any metal cage. Before I could find the words, she said them first. "Van, will you marry me?"

My heart thrummed louder than any drum. Though traditionally it should have been my question, I found quickly that I didn't mind in the slightest. "Yes" was all I could say, and it was the only right answer. Along with the one word, I had to pull away slightly to retrieve the hard item tucked into one pocket.

When Hitomi saw the white mosaic bracelet, her breath caught slightly. I knew it had been discovered after the night I was poisoned, but I doubt she understood the significance. During the reconstruction, I had the habit of picking up small bits of the white stone from the damaged palace walls. By the time I had a decent pile, a plan had already formed. Taking great care, I hired a craftsman to make the piece of jewelry with this exact moment in mind.

Maybe the path it took for us to get here wasn't one I could ever have anticipated, but the woman I've always wanted is on it with me.

"May we build a life together that can weather any storm," I say the words, not needing the note. I've said them a million times in my mind.

I slide the solid bangle over her slender hand, glad that the fit seems just right. Our history hung there on her wrist and every moment between, each small facet like memories. There were times that had been simpler, when she was just some girl that had gotten caught up in my clumsy attempt at dragon slaying. Then my world turned into chaos, and she had been the only constant. Each time we saved each other, even when we didn't always like each other very much.

We hadn't always been all that good at telling each other the things that really mattered. I miss you. I love you. I don't want to let you go. I don't want to hurt you. I can't imagine life without you. I believe in you.

"But…" Hitomi couldn't quite articulate the thought. Then again, she's heard the truth before. It was always supposed to be her, after all. I could see when her expression softened in recognition. "I love it."

"I'm glad." We were so close that all I had to do was breathe for us to be touching. The heat simmering between us, like being held together by invisible bonds, nearly vibrates my skin. I thought I had gotten good at losing people, but she was still here with me, something solid to hang on to.

Hitomi shivered as my fingers brushed hair out of here face. In war, no lives are safe, but now things are different, with peace like an impossible gift spread out before us. It seems there's a future where we don't have to fear for our lives, although I can't make promises. So, I didn't. Instead, I close the last of the distance between us. There was a hint of desperation in that kiss, one that said all the things I couldn't. Still, it wasn't enough with Hitomi; it never would be.

Her hands are first at my shoulders, then my neck, pulling me closer, tangling in my hair. It was like being caught in a raging fire, burning and desperate, as though the second we stopped, it all would both extinguish. Grasping one slender wrist firmly, I brought her right hand down to rest just over my thundering heartbeat. She leaned into me, her body molding against mine. For as close as we are now, I wish it could change the past and gives us back the years we've lost. I felt us slow, and our wildfire became smoldering embers. My hand found the small of her back. The slight pressure released a small gasp.

It was then, with us nearly stripping down right there in the yard, that we were found by the other inhabitants of the manor house. The door Hitomi had come out of at my arrival banged open, jolting us apart both, startled and reluctant.

I knew two bodies, but three people were now watching us.

"It would seem we have a guest," Allen said evenly. His keen eyes took in Hitomi's hand still on my bare chest and how we both breathed heavily, our expressions guilty. His attention turned on me sharply. "You don't mind wearing a shirt, Van, do you?"

Hitomi's face flushed attractively. Wordlessly, I pull the red fabric from where it had remained tucked into the back of my pants. Not worrying about the wrinkles, I slide it on over my wind tangled hair once more.

Rescue came from an unlikely hero. Celena sniffed the air, her bright blue eyes fixing on Hitomi innocently. "Do you smell something burning?"

With a startled squeak, Hitomi darted back into the house without another glance in my direction. Despite Allen's hard work to rebuild the life his father had squandered chasing myths, it wasn't something that really could be done alone. Most of the Shezar lands have long since been sold or claimed by creditors. Retainers lost over the years didn't often return, so they left most of the house closed up, only using the sections the now three inhabitants needed.

Allen was able to pay for a housekeeper and man-of-all-work to come once a week from a neighboring manor house. Celena's meilf work was more of a hobby than a career. What little work Dilandau and she were paid for only enabled them to continue gathering parts for their personal projects. The woman I love made a place for herself here, one where she maintained the large library and cooked small meals for her makeshift family These people have spent more time apart then together, still knitting themselves back together after being torn apart over and over again.

As it turns out, the meal was far from ruined by the temporary loss of its preparer. It was simple country fare of roasted meat, boiled potatoes, and well-seasoned greens, common but well made. Hitomi's native land was home to a rice-based diet like Fanelia, so I knew she had been taking regional cooking lessons from the occasional housekeeper. It was something she was both shy about and proud of at the same time. The woman had thought she was training the short-haired girl to be a better wife, which wasn't far from the truth.

We both knew that all I required of my future bride was to remain by my side. I had no issue with her learning to do more on her own or getting to know more about this side of her family history. None of it would change that Hitomi was the only woman for me, skilled chef or not.

Near the end of the meal, Allen turned the conversation away from safe daily topics to the real reason for my visit. "So, Van, have you come to ask for Hitomi's hand and negotiate?"

Somehow, I knew the knight still held a bit of a grudge over our tumultuous conversation the morning of my marriage to the wrong woman. After all, he now knew that the girl from the Mystic Moon was truly family, and that I might not have been the most chivalrous man in the past.

Before I could respond, Hitomi cut in, a stubborn set to her shoulders and determination in those piercing green eyes. "As I was the one who proposed, shouldn't I be the one dealing with this?"

Celena's eyes glow red for a moment, and a deeper voice drifted out from her pink lips. "Should have known she would end up as the ranking officer in this company." She blinks rapidly and returned to control with an empathetic shrug. "He's not wrong."

After a moment of silence, the golden-haired man leaned forward, as if the demented Zaibach soldier hadn't spoken openly at the dinner table. Allen rested his chin on steepled hands thoughtfully. "Well, in that case, I'm sure Van must have a finer dowry than I could ever offer." Laughter dances in those crystal blue eyes. "I did expect to be welcoming the king of Fanelia into the family, but not as the bride. Until now, that is."

Surprise startled a laugh out of me, and just like that, the tension eased. Some of our old comradery comes back. If it's at my expense, then it was well worth the price.

We did discuss some of the finer points of the future. After the princess's naming ceremony, Hitomi would return to Fanelia with me. Of course, there was the condition that she would be given a suite in another wing of the palace, not Merle's this time, but her own. With that also came a chaperone and guard. Allen himself would come closer to the wedding, but for the time being, he would send another to ensure things remained proper. As the only one that the knight trusted, I agreed for it to be his knife-wielding second, Gaddes. Celena offered to accompany Hitomi, but between Allen's protectiveness and my worry about Dilandau's influence, it was not the best option.

Still, the unusual pair would be invited for the wedding held a fortnight after Hitomi's twenty-sixth birthday on the on the winter solstice. It seemed fitting that we finally marry at the end of the longest night. Though being called a romantic by the whole Shezar clan was rather embarrassing, the warmth in Hitomi's brilliant gaze made it all worthwhile.

That night I arrived at the Asturian palace, late and alone, but with a light heart. The next day was filled with excitement flooding through the city like a tidal wave of joy and expectation. Seeing Millearna glowing with joy eased a dreadful weight from my shoulders. Somehow, the loss of the little princess was a sorrow I felt responsible for. If Millearna hadn't come to Fanelia, would things have turned out so tragically?

During one of my many dream visits with Hitomi, I asked her if she could see how things would have turned out had the situation been different. She just shook her head sadly. "Maybe it was always meant to end this way, but there is no way of knowing. Asking to unbury the past now would just make everyone miserable all over again. No one deserves to relive that pain."

She was right, of course, and Millearna deserves this pure happiness now more than ever. Dryden stood by her side, beaming at his queen and the mother of three healthy royal children. Hitomi was in a place of honor, godmother to the new princess, forever a part of the royal family.

After the ceremony introducing Princess Marlene to the world, the real reason most traveled to Asturia truly began. It was a chance to mingle with royalty from all over the world, make alliances, even just to be seen. Murmurs of speculation still followed me around the ballroom packed with rulers, courtiers, wealthy merchants, and envois. Of course, none of that really had any effect on me.

One pair drew nearly as many whispers as I did. The youngest princess of Cesserio stood confidently despite the extra attention, her smile brighter than I've ever seen it. One of her hands rested familiarly on the forearm of a man who looked more comfortable in his stiff military stance than the starched collar of his formal attire. Eva's new husband, Prince Jace, former guard, was now a royal himself through marriage.

My former wife, and still friend, spotted me, and her eyes sparkled happily with a nod in my direction. I returned it with a tip of my head and a salute of the vino glass in my hand. Though I held the drink, I had yet to taste it, not feeling the need to have the alcohol as more than a prop.

"Do you want a poison tester for that?" The soft voice in my ear heralded Hitomi's arrival.

"Not necessary," I laughed lightly. I set the glass on the tray of a passing waiter. "Glad you found some time for me after all."

"Of course." She took my now free hand in hers. The act of open familiarity set the gossips off again. Not that they mattered at all in this moment, or any other. "Hope you haven't been waiting long."

"I'd wait forever if that is what it takes." Hitomi grinned up at me. "Then again, three months is hardly a lifetime."

As we made our round of the room, I did witness another interesting match. Lady Stuart was there talking to another man many moons younger. Before the sensual woman could complete her standard maneuver, a gloved hand shot out and firmly grasped her slender wrist.

Allen stood a breath away from the elegant widow, her smoky grey eyes wide with shock. Delicate fan still in her hand, the young noble had made a quick escape with a nervous glace at the knight.

"You should be more careful, milady. Some might think you were careless with treasured items." The knight's tone led me to believe that he'd witnessed this scenario at more than one event over the years. It seemed like there was something almost tangle passing between the two, like lighting sparking through a stormy sky.

Elina didn't snatch her arm away, but the graceful sweep of her fan achieved the same goal. "Sir Allen, if you intend to match wits I fear you've come unarmed." Though the pair might have been standing stationary they still circled each other looking for weak points like any battle involving opponents of equal strength.

"My dear lady, it seems as though you've become complacent sparing only with boys. It must be counted as a handicap otherwise one might have an unfair advantage." Point to Allen, the thought came quickly, and I had to hide my small smile before either of them realized they had an audience.

Most women would have been offended, but the sly widow appeared intrigued instead. "Oh, and you would assume to be a challenge?"

"Madam, you must be confused, because childish games are like candy sweet but without substance." The knight scored again. "I find little pleasure in such temporary agreements."

He was right of course, this is rather quick for the experienced woman to be looking for another student. The one at my engagement party must have either passed on the opportunity or like the others turned dull at an increasing rate.

"Strange though, for a man of such a forward reputation to have so little real experience." Back on solid ground Elina took the upper hand, but Allen still stood a point ahead on my mental score board. "It would be like taking relationship lessons from a monk."

"Ah, but a monk would be a master at true commitment, which certain ladies in this court might be lacking." Looks like Allen's gone in for the win. Deciding that this show was about over I turned away looking for were Hitomi had started conversation with a Basramian ambassador and his wife. All three of them blissfully ignorant of the entertainment happening so close by.

"Is that an offer?" The beautiful widow asked bringing my attention back to the evenly matched pair. "I'd accept only if I had a willing teacher." With that she swept away leaving a stunned knight in her wake, after all Elina was good at that. Of course, she had won. I never had a doubt. Hitomi touched my arm pulling attention back to her. The diplomats had left while I was distracted, but she handled it like a pro, I never had a doubt.

"Hey where did you go?" She asked leaning into my side.

"Nowhere," I smiled down at her. "I'm right where I need to be." Yes, life outside my normal routine truly was far more interesting. With Hitomi at my side, I can't wait to see what unfolds next.

 **To Be Continued…**

 **A/N- Sorry it took so long, but I hope it was worth waiting for. Normally Van is easier for me to write, as I tend to relate to him more. Not that I haven't had a lot of fun writing for Hitomi, on occasion Merle, and once Varie. I have started other projects in the past: one about Eries and Folken. One from Millearna's view point, and even a short story about the duke. I don't know if you'll every see any of those, but it's always a possibility, you never know. I do have a Van short story I started a while back, and plan to finish soon… when I realize how mature I want to take the content. I have a companion story from Hitomi's view point I started a long time ago.**

 **There is still the High School AU Last Person on Earth to finish, the sweet 8 chapter story Green-Eyed Girl, and about 5 other plotted or partly written stories on the back burner(s). As you can tell I have a lot of back burners, and a muse with ADHD apparently.**

 **So, look forward to about three more chapters that includes the epilogue. These next few chapters are a chance to see the happy ending in more detail. I have to specifically thank Meghanna Starsong, Miniclio, and Jossie-31 for all their help. You see my friends are my greatest strength. They make me see things I might not normally. They ask questions that help me flesh out ideas and rethink issues. Jossie asked for more, a chance to see the space between the conflict and the end. Miniclio pointed out a few of my trends, including the habit I have to make the pair kiss then fight... well you know what I mean, get physical and then vocal.**

 **Meghanna keeps me grounded and from confusing everyone. There is a whole section in this chapter alone that wouldn't have happened without her. See Elina Stuart was a very well received character and I thought to have her and Allen, you know, spark… but I was afraid of giving that match too much attention. OCs and originals can feel forced, or some might think they detract from the story due to author ego. I wanted to keep a balance so the interaction between the two was very limited. My wonderful beta suggested more, and then my mind took over. With her support it cleared up some of my fears. She wouldn't ask for something that would hurt the story and that led my mind into that witty banter. I hope you liked reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it.**

 **Of course, all my reviewers have helped shape this story, and I appreciate each and everyone of you. From the simple "I really love this." To the "Please god don't make this a pregnancy story." Thank you all.**


	13. Excitement

**Another chapter here. A few left to go. I've never kept a story going past the original plot like this before. It was a request from Jossie31 and I felt it was a good idea, still do… mostly. To be able to see a bit of the happily ever after. I still have ideas and love the character adaptations of this world, but with the climax of the story over and the mystery solved it's more difficult to write them I thought. More then one person is still interested in the lives of these characters and how they are being portrayed here, and I thank you all for you continued support.**

 **Broken Promises**

 **Chapter 13- Excitement**

 _ **Hitomi**_

These last three months had been almost surreal, impossibly happy and peaceful at the same time. Sometimes I think this thing won't last, but after all, this is how life should have been. One small, joyful moment builds on the next until there is a whole city, country, world, even a universe of happiness. I lived comfortably back on Earth, easy, like breathing. Living so simply is something that you learn to take for granted.

When I came back from Austuria, part of me expected resistance to the sudden change in status. Van had been preparing for his marriage to Eva for a year, including a contract negotiation, worldwide announcements, engagement parties, and then the actual ceremony celebrated by most of Gaia. In contrast, our marriage is going to be small. Not like the princess and her guard's hurried vows, but still tiny compared to what Van had gone through before.

It turns out our plans were more traditional as far as Fanelian customs go. Long engagements and fancy parties are only things the wealthiest people have, with the king, of course, being at the top of that list. Engagement rings, big proposals, huge receptions, well, those things aren't really necessary now. A few months after Van and I came to an agreement, our wedding focused on a quick ceremony without all the unnecessary expectations.

The only thing non-traditional about our wedding is the one thing that still makes my heart sink. It's mostly about family, and mine won't be there. Well, in a way, that makes Van and I alike, but he at least has Merle and her little clan. I know its not fair to think that way. My mother, father, and brother are still living their lives happily. It's just that they can't be here for something that will only happen once, for any of us, and that makes me sad.

Not sad enough to change how wonderful this all really is though. Part of me wanted to hide these negative things I was feeling, but that wouldn't be fair to him. So, one of the many evenings where we had a nice dinner and a walk through the gardens, the not-so-silent shadow of Gaddes tailed our slow progress. That was another noticeable difference between the princess and me; she might not have been some air -headed or spoiled, but she had all the advantages of uniformed guards and being born royal. Well, I was a far cry from all that between my not knowing much about politics and being watched by a knife happy mercenary.

"Van." I paused, looking at flowers that I would call peonies before reading Folken's journal, and now I know the pink molted blooms are molan. The man at my side stepped closer, hand lingering at the small of my back tenderly. "Do you ever wish things were different?"

"What exactly would you change?" His voice sounded normal, if soft. Something in his touch told me of the hesitation missing from those words.

I took a deep breath, not sure how insensitive I might come off sounding. "That our families can't be here for the wedding."

Van let out a deep sound, kind of like a mix between a relieved sigh and a light chuckle.

"Not really." He moved slightly. I turned my attention from the flowers to him. "That would be like asking if I would change the direction where the sun rises or the pattern of stars in the sky."

"Of course, you're right." For some reason, I felt worse, like wanting to see my family on the Big Day made me more selfish. I felt Van's fingers lift my chin, forcing me to look into his fathomless, mahogany eyes.

"Don't do that, Hitomi." His voice was low and pierced straight to my heart. "I've had time to get used to the loss of my family, but this is new to you and that doesn't make your pain any less. Don't worry about the past, because I have all the family that I need right here."

Closing the small gap between us, I captured his lips with mine. A kiss seemed like the only correct answer, but before we could sink into each other further, someone cleared their throat loudly. Reluctantly, we pull apart. Gaddes's disapproving eyes were at odds with his knowing smirk.

That, of course, wasn't the only time my chaperone had to remind us of propriety. We didn't always listen though. It was funny that the man who was the acting second of the Crusade, the right hand of Allen Sheazar, was now my baby sitter. Deep down, I was grateful for his presence.

I love Van, and every moment with him is a dream, though not always a peaceful one with our mutual tempers. We stayed chaste in the shared dreamscapes, but we were only together for a couple of hours at a time. Now we saw each other without barriers or limitations. Well, not during meetings or late at night, though it was almost an overload compared to the years apart and the short time where he basically avoided me. This was pretty much like a preview of the rest of our life together.

One such time, I had been feeling the spotlight of people's attention on me especially hard. The added pressure was making me second guess turning down his joking suggestion of eloping. I'd come across a group of women chattering about a not-too-flattering comparison between Eva and me. Part of me wanted to walk right up to them and tell them off, but the other side begged me to slink away in embarrassment. Instead, I managed to lose my escort and caught Van as he was leaving a council meeting.

I almost hesitated. The stress wrinkling his brow reminded me that ruling wasn't as easy as the movies back home made it all seem. It wasn't all rich food, expensive clothing, and playing around with beautiful women. No, the king of Fanelia preferred to eat simple meals, wear plain clothes, and well… me. Then it was too late; he'd spotted me hovering, unsure.

"Hitomi." A soft smile eased the tension on his face and the tired hunch of those broad shoulders. "Did you need something?"

The last thing I wanted was to cause him any more stress. "It was nothing." I hedge weakly.

He stopped mid-step. "Don't hide from me." One leather gloved hand circled my wrist. "What is really going on? Is someone bothering you? Did you see something?"

The concern in his voice made me feel a little guilty. I've never been able to mask the emotions that cross my face, and the last thing Van needed was my petty grumbles. "No, I just overheard some court ladies and needed to see you."

With a low chuckle, he draws me closer. "Well, then I have those clucking hens to thank for sending you my way."

"Van." My face heated slightly, but I leaned into him, grateful for this moment together. Being alone with the handsome man was so rare since returning to Fanelia. I didn't want to waste this opportunity thinking about negative words or speculative whispers.

"What did they say?" His words were almost a breath, not dangerous but firm, as if he could hide me away from all the terrible things of this world.

"It doesn't matter." I tightened my jaw and looked away. I prayed that he wouldn't read on my face how much their petty comments really did bother me. I know how wrong they are. After all, we know the truth. I'm not, nor have I ever been, pregnant. Then there were the rumors that Eva asked for an annulment, because Van was two timing. Well, they weren't entirely false but not fully true either. And their claims that I used mystical powers to snare the king were beyond ridiculous!

"Hitomi." The tenderness Van placed on my name alone almost made me give in, make it his problem and not mine. Instead, I closed the gap between us. Yanking him towards me by the soft fabric of his tunic shirt, my knuckles skimmed over warm flesh and a rhythmically pounding heart. I kiss him fiercely. I felt as his jaw tensed in surprise for a moment, but it didn't take long for him to respond. Pressing closer until our bodies were flush together, my back met the solidness of the wall.

Van knew that I was trying to distract him, but at this point, he chose to let me. With a sudden rush, the kiss deepened, his hands now gaining purchase and moving with the intensity of the contact. They went up my arms to the back of my neck, tangling into my short hair for a few heartbeats before ghosting down, trailing fire in a path to my breasts.

Part of me wanted to pull away, but I was trapped with nowhere to run and no place else I'd rather be. I hadn't thought any of this through, and the time for thinking had passed when I instigated this. Our breaths came out more as pants mingled together. An involuntary moan slipped from my mouth and into his, where he drank it all in.

My hands tugged my skirts up. I wrapped a leg around his narrow hips and pulled him closer, feeling the need vibrate through us both. Van groaned, and at this point, it was probably only his one hand pressed against the wall by my head keeping us upright. The strength of his arms kept me from shattering completely.

Then someone slapped Van on the back hard enough for me to feel it through the contact of our chests. The moment cracked apart, splintering like fragile glass. I felt loss as air rushed in where our bodies had been connected, the phantom caress of his heated touch cooling quickly. His hands quickly pushed the fabric of my dress back down in the same moment he spun to face the intruder. We found the knowing eyes and smirk of my only guard, Gaddes. The scruffy, blue haired man may have been amused, but the hardness of his disapproval still lay thick in the air, separating Van and me.

"Bout time I find where you'd run off to." The knife user would play along, but he wasn't happy at all. I'd escaped his watchful eyes, even temporarily, a potential failure on his part. Letting down Allen wasn't something he was willing to accept so easily.

Before Van or I could mount any sort of defense or explanation, Gaddes had a hand on my shoulder, propelling me in front of him. All I could do was risk a glance back at the man left standing there, his hair even more disheveled than usual.

"I won't report it this time, but see you keep those wandering hands in check. Least till you're not my problem anymore," my chaperone grumbled, not in his normally cheerful tone.

That was weeks ago, and probably the last time Van and I were truly alone. If we had wanted to, things could have gone farther. I'm sure at some level we both contemplated it, but we respected Allen too much. It would have been breaking yet another promise, and that was something neither of us were willing to do, even in our dreams.

On top of everything, I had to deal with some of the wedding details. There weren't a ton of preparations, but it seemed like a lot, especially since Merle still wasn't talking to me. I wanted to understand why she had been so cold since my return. Part of it I got: my timing being the moment Van got married to someone else. I knew it looked like I was just there to ruin his chance at happiness, and the Neko woman wasn't the only one to think that. Then again, she was the one other person that could really understand everything.

I wasn't here when the raven-haired man returned from our disastrous dream, but she was. It had been another time, one where he had practically oozed pain and heartbreak because of me. The past isn't something that can be changed, but if I could go back or write my prior self a letter, I'd tell myself to follow my heart and not my head. If I could give any warning, it would be that I wouldn't ever be happy with anyone other than Van and what people thought didn't matter.

How much simpler would life be if I hadn't pretended that it was just a dream? If I had chosen Van outright and followed him back through the barrier? I know I would have regretted leaving without saying anything to my mother, Yukari, even Izumi. None of them deserved that kind of worry. No, the way this worked out has caused plenty of problems, but we are happy. Merle just needs to understand that. After all, she is Van's family, and soon she'll be mine too.

Unfortunately, she was nowhere to be found, most likely by design. Even during Winter Solstice festival or Dongji holiday, which celebrated the end of the longest night of the year and scared away evil spirits, she was absent. Still, it was quite fun walking the streets decorated with lanterns and red garlands, wearing a carved mask while walking hand-in-hand with Van. That night, our breaths hung in the cold night air like miniature puffs of smoke.

The only dark spot was that it seemed like I was missing my last chance to talk to Merle, but she must have been actively avoiding me. I could tell by the distracted way the man at my side drifted along at my pace. His mind was also elsewhere. Did Merle's distance bother him too? Was the rift between us causing him distress? After everything we went through, could this be the last hurdle for us?

We ate from the same food stalls as the rest of the citizens, blending into the festive atmosphere like just another happy couple. Still, most of the other pairs didn't have the same watchful shadow trailing in their wake. I did note what looked like courting couples with chaperones of their own, but where theirs looked bored or sulky to be on duty, ours was a golden-haired knight and his innocent looking sister. Of all the people having a fabulous time, Celena would be queen of them all. It didn't hurt that Van made sure that any treat or sweet the girl wanted was covered.

Allen argued at first, but what kept Celena happy also seemed to amuse her other half, who only came out once to ask for wine of a good year. Luckily, he was happy to settle for something like sweet, warm sake. I've been to a few of the more traditional Japanese festivals when I was younger and was glad to find it wasn't that different in Fanelia.

After a wonderful evening, Van walked me back to my suite in the palace, which had guest quarters like the ones I had stayed in with Merle months ago. This time my roommate was welcomed, and the wavy-haired girl bounded into the room first, giving the king and me a few short moments together.

"You sure it's alright for her to stay with you?" Van asked wearily. As nice as he'd been to Celena, I knew he didn't fully trust Dilandau. Most people look at that sweet face and only see the girl, but we both knew there was more to a person than what is visible on the surface. The boy inside could be less than predictable.

"I'll be fine," I assured him smoothly. "I bet anything they will be passed out by the time I get in there. Neither of them has ever been to a holiday celebration like this."

Though he wasn't fully convinced, I knew that Van trusted me. If I wasn't bothered by the uncommon pair, then he shouldn't be either, at least until proven otherwise.

The good night kiss we shared was chaste compared to prior ones, and Van seemed distracted. It could have been a million things, and I tried not to over analyze it as an actual problem. I told myself it was nothing to be worried about. It could be wedding jitters, last minute planning, or one of his many worries that has nothing to do with me. The more I tried not to think about it, the harder it became.

I must have been standing alone at my door, lost in thought, for a while, because Celena somehow approached me without my noticing. Her bright, thoughtful eyes popped into my line of sight suddenly. Startled, I couldn't hide the way my hand flew to cover the wildly thudding heart now in my throat.

For her part, the willowy girl tried to mask the hurt, but neither of us were successful liars. "Are you okay?" she asked, concern in her voice.

I wanted to think it was just her there, but now I couldn't help it. Even though I couldn't hear Dilandau, he was far from silent right now.

"Just tired," I lied unconvincingly.

"Well, then get some sleep." No one believed me, but Celena let it pass without comment. "Tomorrow will be too busy for silly worries, and after that, I doubt any of it will matter." With that she turned to go.

"Good night," I called, just before the door to her room shut. I heard a click signaling the door being locked from the inside. It wouldn't stop a certain albino warrior if he wanted to cause problems, but I knew it was for my sake. I wasn't faking it when I told Van I trusted my guests. Still, I appreciated the small gesture.

I slept fitfully, somehow no longer comfortable in my own bed. The dreams I fought weren't filled with danger or warnings. Instead, I was walking through my childhood home, but it was empty of people. The furniture and belongings were all in the correct place, but it held the loneliness of an uninhabited home. It was like the occupants had gone away unexpectantly, taking little to nothing with them.

All I wanted was to see my father's patient face and maybe even endure the playful teasing of my little brother, who wasn't a small boy any longer. Most of all, I wanted the understanding warmth of my mother's hug. To just share a few borrowed moments with them would reduce the distance slightly. Missing my family doesn't mean I love Van or Fanelia even the tiniest bit less, but I feel pulled in two very different directions. It casts a shadow on what should be the happiest day of my life.

Waking, I still felt exhausted and emotionally quite drained. Celena was already dressed when I was finally able to drag myself from bed.

"You don't look so good," my unusual friend said, concern in her voice. Then her eyes moved swiftly to one side, a sign she was listening to the voice in her head,.

"If he is saying something unflattering about my appearance, I already know it's true." I sigh and sink into a chair heavily rather than starting to get ready as I should.

Part of the Fanelian wedding tradition included the couple meeting before the ceremony to greet any guests that want a moment with the pair. Other countries kept the bride and groom separate before the wedding, but not here. Until now, this had been something I was looking forward to. Unfortunately, even the thought of seeing Van didn't break me out of the funk I'd woken up in.

A solid knock reminded me of the little time I had left and how much I still had to do. Before I could retreat back to my room to get ready, the door opened. Though Van and I had planned to meet an hour before the ceremony, I wouldn't put it past him to change his mind and come get me himself. Still, I couldn't be more surprised by the new person studying my disheveled state openly.

"I thought brides were supposed to glow with happiness," Merle stated with a sniff. "Well, I guess it can't be helped." With that, the bright haired cat-woman hustled me off to get ready. I didn't really get much of a chance to protest, and Celena, being rather smart, made herself scarce in record time.

Here I had been trying to find this woman who had once been my friend, and now I couldn't muster any coherent words. In the last three months, Van had made sure I hadn't really wanted for anything, even if it was just simply making time for me in his busy schedule. The only thing I had lacked was something out of his control: a chance to clear the air with Merle. I needed to understand the icy nature of our relationship. At the least, I owed it to the man I love to try and make peace with the only family he had.

The lithe woman practically shoved me into the bath with stiff orders to wash quickly. Apparently, sadness had an awful stink, and it was coming from my pores. I did as instructed, even if the actions were a little mechanical. When I returned to my room, Merle had my outfit laid out and waiting for me.

I thanked her, but she only demanded that I didn't waste anymore time. I slipped into the silky layers of Fanelian traditional dress without further discussion. The trouble came when I had to tie the long sash. I've done a few simple knots when wearing thin summer yukatas on my own, but nothing as formal and complicated as this. My mom always took care of these things, and my hands struggled to replicate her practiced movements.

"What is with you, Hitomi?" Merle sighed heavily, taking the clumsy bow apart. She deftly moved to replace my failed attempt with an elegant design that didn't look like a child's lumpy ball. "A person would think you were going to a funeral, not your own wedding."

That was the last thing my already frayed nerves could handle, more of her disapproval. "Stop it!" I snapped, jerking away and letting her careful work fall apart right before completion. "Why are you helping me when you don't even like me? Come on, Merle! You've treated me like a nuisance since I returned. Wouldn't it be better to just say how you really feel?"

"Fine." She crossed her striped arms in a defiant stance. "When we first met, I didn't like you, because I didn't think you were good enough for Lord Van. Each time you hurt him, I was just proven right, and it was awful. Even more so when I started to like and trust you. When you went home, he still hoped you'd come back for him, that faith and love would be enough. I could only watch him pretend everything was alright. Even when I found my own happiness, it hurt. I thought that I was making his loneliness worse by actually having a life. It might not have been fair, but I blamed you."

I could see her shield cracking, the thick defenses used to keep me at arm's length starting to fail. I wanted to say something, defend myself or fix things between us, but all I could do was let her pour out everything she'd been holding onto for years. It was like a dam breaking after being under immense strain for too long.

"I may have grown out of my girlish infatuation of Lord Van, but to watch as you broke his heart over and over again was torture." Her words stung, because they were true, at least from this side of events. "What was worse is that you never meant to hurt him. Even asking his permission to move on with another man was your way of letting him know you were trying to be happy. I know there isn't a selfish bone in your body, or so I'd thought until last year. You broke him in a way all the enemies in this world never could. Only when he'd finally started to glue himself back together did you return."

I could see venting off all these built up thoughts and emotions was the only way forward. Now it was my turn.

"Love isn't logical, Merle. It was never meant to be." It finally felt like I could breathe, as though a heavy weight was lifted. "It can hurt, especially when you blunder through it like Van and I have. Neither of us are perfect, but we make each other want to be better. It took us far too long to separate ourselves from what people thought we needed. I know my timing was terrible, but you, of all people, know he wouldn't have ever been truly happy with _her_."

Now I did something really crazy. I reached out and pulled the cat-eared woman into a hug. At first, she resisted, but the stiffness faded and she returned the embrace. "I hope you can forgive me, because I could really use a sister and ally."

With a deep, relieved breath, Merle responded with a note of her old mischievous self. "Well, I'm sure there will be a lot of things you'll need from me here on out. I had better get used to forgiving you, because that's what family is for."

After that, I let her finish dressing me properly. With a long, critical look at the red sash designed to be worn with this dress, Merle decided it made my face look pale and not in a good way. She made the switch to Grandmother Yuri's antique obi tied by her slender hands. The woman I saw in the looking glass wasn't just pretty. Her large, green eyes bright and full of hope made her astonishing. Each layer of her dress fell just right, and the perfectly tied yellow bow made her face glow. It didn't look like she had any worries or loss of sleep. After all, she was about to marry the love of her life.

"Well, looks like I've worked a true miracle." Merle smirked playfully, heading for the door. She paused just before leaving, playful mischief making her patterned face appear younger. "Oh, and Lord Van wanted me to tell you the greeting hour has been canceled. He said something about having to rearrange some stars before the ceremony."

With that, I was left confused and alone. Though I had been looking forward to seeing Van before the actual wedding, I trusted him fully. It must be important to keep him busy even now.

The time passed despite the raven-haired king not being at my side. Before I knew it, Allen had arrived at my suite to escort Celena and me to the shrine. We opted not to have the ceremony in the center of the square, but still open to witnesses.

Near Escaflowne's resting place, Merle and Wren stood on one side as Van's family when I arrived. Allen and Celena, there to represent mine, walked with me just opposite. With a decent sized crowd waiting, it was an interesting mix of samurai, Crusade crewmembers, palace staff, royal advisors, along with the odd sprinkling of merchants and citizens. Of course, Millearna and her family, including little Marlene, stood off to one side in smiling support. No other country's rulers or representatives were invited. In many ways, Asturia's queen is like family after all we've been through together.

There was only one person missing: Van.

Part of me wanted to believe the worst, that those little, withdrawn moments of his were warning me of this. I knew better though. The nerves didn't speak for my heart at all, and I know which of the two were right. Something must be important to be keeping the wild-haired man away. All I could do is take a deep, steadying breath and block out the muttering, shifting guests.

Suddenly, a bright light turned the early morning into a momentary supernova, gone as quickly as it came. People muttered, but my heart felt light and free. Van was back. I don't know from where. It didn't matter.

I saw him jogging towards our assembly. Even though his wings were not visible, something soared inside, bringing us swiftly together. Then my eyes landed on the four-people struggling to keep up with him. Right on his heels was an athletic young man with sandy brown hair and dark eyes bright with excitement. Behind him was a woman my age, who's long, auburn hair bobbed in a high-ponytail with each bouncing step. Bringing up the rear was a middle-aged couple. The woman's bright green eyes crinkled with joy as they met mine through the short distance. The man, whose thinning black hair and glasses slipped down his sweaty, narrow nose, smiled broadly.

They were here against all odds: Mamoru, Yukari, and my parents. Van brought my family. He moved stars for me, and I couldn't love the man more.

The crowd parted for the king. Our eyes met, mine which were quickly filling with happy tears, and I mouthed "Thank you." He only grinned wider and took his place across from me. I tried not to laugh as Merle pinched his arm. Probably for being late, but more likely because she hadn't been filled in on his whole plan.

Then my mother's arms were around me. We were hugging, and I was trying my best not to cry. My father patted my shoulder. He whispered, "You look so beautiful, dear."

Mamoru and Yukari behind us radiated happiness. The ceremony started. It flowed around us like calming waters. Van and I stood in the circle of our family, saying the right things while still being completely focused on each other. Our hands reached to close the space between us, barely noticing the priest binding them together with red and gold cords. This was the part of the other ceremony that I'd walked into six months ago. All I could do was watch this man, the one I love more than I have ever thought possible.

We'd kissed a hundred times before, but this felt different. It was the first time all over again in a dream a lifetime ago, back when he'd pressed my back into the remains of the barrier made from my hesitation. Rushing towards a future we hadn't fully accepted and holding tightly onto the only other person that could truly understand. When his touch was the only thing that could wake me up from my complacent sleep walking.

My lips barely grazed his, like striking a match. Somehow, he tasted like the freshness of spring and endless possibilities. Our first kiss and every other one since hung between us. The desperate ones, the joyful ones, even the hot, dangerous, angry kisses. Now this one, merely a breath of touch, whispering like a question with only a single correct answer.

"I do." I said. My mouth ghosted just over his. "Forever, I do."

 **To be continued…**

 **A/N- So originally this chapter was supposed to have a bit more. I had planned for it to go through their first night as husband and wife, but decided this was a better place to pause in storytelling. Next chapter will be back to Van. I bet you he might be more willing to get into the details. I had a lot of fun writing the hallway scene if you couldn't tell, and Gaddes finding them.**

 **I'm always grateful for the support, reviews, comments and critiques. The overwhelming response has been positive and I think this might just be my most well received story to-date. People really seem to like and relate to how all the characters have been portrayed, except Merle. No that people think she is out of character or unconvincing, but they find her cold and pretty much the least likeable. I how her and Hitomi setting things right helps to move forward in clearing away some of that.**

 **This is the first story I've written where Merle gets her** _ **Happily Ever After**_ **before Van. In some ways it took a lot for her to pull away from him and move on. I tried to show a more mature motherly Merle who had decided to put her family first, so she tried her best to stay out of the drama even if it pushed the others away from her. Most of all she felt guilty at not being there to fully support Van, but also annoyed that Hitomi and him kept hurting each other uselessly.**

 **Well I hope you all at least like Celena and Dilandau's playful joy at the festival; which was a combination of medieval solstice, traditional Japanese festivals, and Korean winter holiday Dongji. Also, the wedding traditions I used were based loosely on both modern and traditional Korean weddings. I hold to the feeling that Fanelia has a Korean feel and like to use some of what I can find of the culture to bolster the already interesting lore already in place. There is a lot we don't know about Gaia and the varied cultures, but I like to fill in gaps where ever possible. I just don't claim to be an expert on Korea or really any other culture, and hope I have not offended anyone in the process of creative license.**

 **I can't wait to here what you think! So please review!**


	14. Expectations

**Hello just wanted to let ya'll know I'm not dead. Things have been a ton better for a bit now. Getting everything sorted out, but it didn't mean just because it's been resolved in a way that was all together pleasant. So, my disappearance has more to do with lack of motivation than any more troubling issues. Thank you for your concern. I know I even went poof in the middle of a few conversations, so I apologize. I needed the break.**

 **The story is finally winding down. It's good to be wrapping this up in a positive way. And away we go.**

 **Broken Promises**

 **Chapter 14- Expectations**

 _ **Van**_

There are some moments in life that you never want to forget, where time should have no power to fade or distort. I remember things I wish I could let go of. Anger and blood fill my past, but now I know my future holds something entirely different: laughter, joy, understanding, and millions of possibilities.

Part of me is still that closed off, angry boy who fought a war though too young and sheltered. He feels as if this happiness is a trap, a false sense of safety that is as easily shattered and just as irreplaceable as the many priceless things lost during a sudden attack. Another bit of my soul still feels guilty, unconvinced that I deserve this chance at something greater. Then she smiles, and I know that Hitomi loves all the tiny pieces that make me whole, good and bad alike.

In turn, I see her not only for the naïve and stubborn girl she was, but the strong, caring woman she has become. We love without restrictions and learn from each and every mistake. We waited for far too long, but if not for our failings, would we be strong enough to last each trial that we have, and will, face?

I am grateful, more than I could ever say.

Still, there was a shadow drifting along with our happiness, the reason I let her go all those years ago. It wasn't that I didn't really love her then, but I understood what she would have to give up to truly be here with me. She wasn't ready then, but in the end she chose to come back on her own and was mature enough to know what it meant to pick this future. To be here meant giving up everything else she had, understanding friends, loving family, and a chance at a normal uncomplicated life. Things I could never truly replace.

A younger me might have been jealous. Instead, I was awed by the girl who grew up so differently, and sometimes I still am. Impressed, not envious that is. That didn't mean I couldn't see how much she missed her family or what it would be like to have them here on the happiest day of her life. For them to see that she was well and even to meet me, it would have been so great if that was possible, but it wasn't.

She left knowing there was no going back. The worst part about it was that Hitomi felt guilty for wishing for something more. Maybe it was why she didn't feel comfortable talking to me about it. This time I knew without her saying anything. Still, I needed her to come to me, even if it wasn't something I could fix. One night while walking thought the gardens it finally came out.

"Van." Her voice said my name softly as though unsure. I could feel the warmth of lingering touch from where my hand rested on her back. I moved closer, wanting her bright eyes to connect with mine and not the delicate molan petals. "Do you ever wish things were different?"

"What exactly would you change?" I asked, though slightly hesitant at the direction this conversation would go. I suspected it might have to do with this being my second marriage, all the years we lost, or the insecurities we hid from each other for too long.

She took a deep breath, as though about to say something difficult for me to hear. "That our families can't be here for the wedding."

Relief flooded out in one large breath. She was afraid to bring up any sadness over the long ago loss of my own family, and that was true to the sweet, sincere girl I loved so deeply.

"Not really." I moved just enough so that I was closer than the flower gently swaying in the wind. I wanted all of her attention without calling for it. "That would be like asking if I would change the direction where the sun rises or the pattern of stars in the sky."

"Of course, you're right." Her voice was soft, as if her guilt had only deepened. I wanted to move the heavens if only for a few stolen moments. My fingers lifted her chin so that she had to look directly into my eyes and I into her green ones. They somehow still sparkled in the dimming evening light.

"Don't do that, Hitomi." I spoke low and even, wanting only for her to hear what was truly in my heart. "I've had time to get used to the loss of my family, but this is new to you and that doesn't make your pain any less. Don't worry about the past, because I have all the family that I need right here."

I don't know if it was the urge to close even the physical gap between us, but Hitomi stretched upwards, meeting my lips in a wordless expression of all the things unsaid. In that moment, nothing else mattered. Not the fact that she walked away from her family and a perfectly normal life. Or all the time we have fought and will in the future, because both of us are stubborn, to say the least. Disagreements will happen, but we have each other, forever.

Of course, the tender moment was rudely interrupted when her forgotten chaperone cleared his throat obnoxiously right behind me. Hitomi blushed prettily. Right then, I hated Gaddes and his smirking face.

He was right, though. Despite the promise I made to Allen, it was good he assigned his best man to the task. After all, Hitomi and I had proved we couldn't exactly be trusted. On other occasions we'd pressed our luck much farther.

I had been trapped in another long, trying meeting. Treaty negotiation always seemed harder once I was not a bachelor. Being single meant some ruler's daughter or niece wanted to be the next Queen of Fanelia. Even though they never had a chance, it still seemed like more of the negotiations went in my favor then. Once I was engaged to Eva, it was a little less so. Still, no one had wanted to get on Cesserio's bad side and lose an opportunity to make an alliance with not only Fanelia, but also with the larger, more influential relative.

Now I had none of that extra assistance. Hitomi, though she played a huge role in ending the great war, wasn't considered well connected. The Seer from the Mystic Moon was a legend, but my fiancé was just a woman who's only connections were loose ones to the Queen of Austuria and, if rumor was to be believed, a Knight Ceilie.

Regardless, Ezdgaurdia was suddenly extra picky about the fine print to our latest trade agreement, and it was starting to make my head ache like Wren was repeatedly hitting me. It was not with a sharp pommel bash, but like a repeated tapping with the side of his blade as though taunting.

Then I saw her hovering unsure and alone. That's all it took for the pain to lessen, even if she looked like whatever was on her mind wasn't at all pleasant. It made me happy to see her.

"Hitomi." I strode towards her, feeling suddenly lighter. "Did you need something?"

She hesitated and seemed to decide not to say whatever was bothering her. "It was nothing."

I froze right there, knowing there was far more to this story. "Don't hide from me." I took her slender wrist in my hand to keep her from running away without pulling her closer. I didn't want to distract her from the issue. "What is really going on? Is someone bothering you? Did you see something?"

Every little change in her thoughts crossed Hitomi's face. Guilt, embarrassment, and a little bit of relief. With a sigh, part of the truth came out at last. "No, I just overheard some court ladies and needed to see you."

I chose to put a little humor into my voice. "Well, then I have those clucking hens to thank for sending you my way."

"Van." She blushed again, and it was all I could do not to use my grip on her hand to pull the woman forward. Just the way she said my name was enough to make me hold her and not want to let go.

"What did they say?" I asked even though I knew what the rumors were and which ones held more truth than others. I also had a very good idea that people could be vicious with their words. If I could protect her from the hazards of the political world, I would. But it's impossible, and Hitomi would never want me to shield her like that.

"It doesn't matter." Her expression turned stubborn just like I predicted as she thought about the spiteful things that had already started to circulate. The more outlandish speculation always traveled swifter than those closer to reality.

"Hitomi." I said her name with all the understanding and warmth in my heart.

Suddenly, I was being pulled forward by the front of my shirt. The knuckles of her balled fists grazed my chest, and the contact drew little bumps alone the skin there. Even before her mouth found mine, I could feel the sudden thundering of my own heart. Surprise and excitement made me hesitate, but that was only a second and then I was kissing her back just as intensely. Our bodies molded together and nothing else mattered. Wild rumors and dragging negotiations didn't exist in this place; it was just the two of us.

With her back against the wall, my hands started at her hips and moved as if they had a mind of their own, memorizing every curve by touch alone. I gripped the back of her neck to deepen the connection before moving down to her breasts. The stiff peaks I could feel though the fabric of her blouse that I suddenly wished wasn't there. She gasped into my mouth, her teeth just grazing my bottom lip, and it was all I could do not to moan.

I knew the danger here alongside the excitement, just like in battle, but it was an entirely different type of lust. We should stop while it was still possible, but there is nothing I wanted less in that moment. She moaned into my mouth, and all choice ended. It was just me, Hitomi, and the solid wall I have her pressed against.

The hands fumbling at layers of skirts weren't mine. Her long, firmly muscled legs flashed into view right before one wrapped around me, pressing my hips flush into hers. I wished there was less between us. A way, any way, to be closer to her.

Pain burst across my right shoulder. I'd been struck and moved to defend myself, protect Hitomi. Those were the only things that mattered right now. I spun around, the same movement used to regretfully shove the fabric back down those beautiful legs. My eyes met Gaddes's angry pair, and though the physical danger was non-existent, this was not over.

"Bout time I find where you'd run off to." The words were said playfully to Hitomi, but the resentment underneath was meant only for me. I should have defended our actions, but I couldn't. I had no excuse. Then he was pushing past me, guiding Hitomi away. All I could do was watch as she was led away, safely from me.

As they walked away, I could just hear the mercenary's rough words not meant for my ears. "I won't report it this time, but see you keep those wandering hands in check. Least till you're not my problem anymore."

That was almost too close. Another quick beat of our thundering hearts and the little control I've held on to so tightly would have been lost. The very real chance of being caught in a compromising position didn't change how much I wanted, no, needed, more. It wasn't as simple as lust; love never is. As much as I should hate Gaddes' interruption, in a way I was thankful. I have the rest of my life to cherish Hitomi. Stolen moments against the wall, well, they too can wait.

After that, I was far more careful. It wasn't nearly as fun, but it was the right thing to do for us both. Even as the festival and wedding approached, I knew what the green-eye girl needed most wasn't a physical distraction. She missed her family in a way I could sympathize with, but not completely relate to. I guess the world you were from didn't change how important it is to have those you love near you, to support the greatest step in a woman's life.

If there was a way to make Hitomi's dream a reality, I'd have already done it. I knew how impossible that would be short of waking the sleeping dragon. Even then, I don't know if I could travel there without my love to anchor me to whatever place or reality where she'd dwelt in. I'd tried it under my own power one night, leapt from the highest branch of the ancient tree. Wished with all my heart. Poured everything I could into the beat of my wide wings, and the hand clutched tightly to the mystic pendant she'd given me.

It wasn't enough. The air thinned and my strength gave out long before I passed into the starry sky beyond. Even my curse failed me, bending backward painfully under the strain. Body screaming, head spinning, black spots dancing in my dimming vision. It was luck as much as the thought of her worried face that broke my wild plummet short of crashing into the unforgiving ground. How unheroic I would have been to snap my neck trying something so stupid. Then again, at eighteen moons, this all happened before I'd grown past trying such a reckless stunt.

I don't remember what had upset Hitomi. It might have been her friend's engagement to that Amano fellow. I would have done anything to hold her then and had nearly killed myself trying. I have yet to tell her of that night. Maybe I never would, though I can imagine the exasperated look she would give me at the story. Well, we will have time to share every bit of our lives, both the times apart and the future together.

Now I rack my brain for a way to make even the slightest possibility of success a reality. It distracted me from the colored lanterns glowing warm and cheerily in the long winter night, but not the comforting presence at me side. Fingers laced together as we walked the crowded streets. We tried to live in each short, wonderful moment. That night we shared sugary dango dumplings. Each time Hitomi would rock forward excitedly with childish joy lighting up her face at every new sight. I could read her beautiful expression even behind the carved mask she wore.

It was nice to be just another man in love, not having to fill the role of King. Hitomi never treated me like I was anything except what I was, and that only made me love her deeper. Our party, of course, included two others, the family she had here. So, I didn't mind humoring Celena or holding conversation with Allen as the four of us weaved in and out of the crowded street.

I spotted Merle and her cat-eared family a few times, but I didn't pull her into our orbit. She might not be ready to forgive Hitomi and me for our stubbornness quite yet. I know the two women will clear the air when they are ready and not a moment sooner. I've had enough to deal with. I've caught a few glints of blood-red in normally sea colored eyes. Celena may seem harmless, but Dilandau I may never trust.

Even with my mind trying to work out one last minute problem, it still was one of the best Donji festivals I've ever experienced. As the years passed, they would only get better with Hitomi at my side.

Hitomi and I lingered outside her door, a mutual feeling of not wanting the night to end and readiness for the rest of our life to start. Tomorrow she would become my wife and queen. There wasn't much more to say about it, so I asked about things I could focus on, like the younger Sheazar who could turn into a male residing in my bride's quarters.

"You sure it's alright for her to stay with you?" I knew they had lived together in a similar manner for months without issue. As a man, blind trust only went so far.

"I'll be fine." Her voice held a note of patience that I understood meant that she had enough faith for the both of us. "I bet anything they will be passed out by the time I get in there. Neither of them has ever been to a holiday celebration like this."

We kissed goodnight, but I just couldn't get the one thought out of my mind. There had to be something I hadn't tried yet, so that Hitomi could have the wedding she'd always dreamt of. For some women marriage was all about the fanfare, but not for the one I love. The one thing that mattered the most to her was the one thing even a King couldn't give, her family.

Even as I lay in my large bed alone for the last time, I could feel Hitomi tossing. If I let myself be pulled into her dreams, they would be of her old home and the people she missed wordlessly.

We'd talked about that place between worlds where her wishes let us meet, but going there tonight would do little good. What I needed was to recreate my first trip, though following the magic that lived inside a land dragon was also out of the question. Or was it?

Like I was struck by a jolt, it came to me, shooting upright. What if I could trick the connection between the worlds into thinking it was another hunt? I may not have intended to complete my trial on the Mystic Moon, but having done so once set a precedent that under the right circumstances could be repeated. If one believed in fate, then her pendant and my cursed blood are what sparked the original connection between us.

The chance was slim, but I slipped into a dreamless sleep knowing the edges of a plan had formed enough to have hope. Now I just needed it all to fit together, along with a bit of my own stubborn will and determination. Quite a risky endeavor, but it would all be worth it.

I woke before the sun, but still rested enough to do everything I had planned. Time was limited, after all, and I had to make the most of what I had left. First, I wrote Merle a note that I would not be at the greeting hour before the wedding, and I counted on her to help Hitomi get ready. I didn't much care if my sister felt I was forcing her to participate in my problems again; that is what family is there for, after all.

Next, I grabbed a leather rucksack and packed it only with what I needed most. It wouldn't do to be seen with a few of the items I needed for this plan. Someone might get the wrong idea, after all. The last thing, or person, I needed would be the trickiest and most dangerous.

Hitomi's suite was dark and silent as I entered. What I didn't expect to find was the lock enabled on the bedroom door. Not that it was a hindrance, considering it is my palace. The slight figure in bed shot awake as if injured by an invisible hand. Celena's work roughened hands twisted the sheets as her face and hair wavered between white and silver, or peach and pale gold. The warrior pushed towards the surface in response to sensing danger.

"It's okay," I said smoothly, not making any sudden moves, hands out and empty, proof I didn't mean either of them harm. "I'm here to speak with you, Dilandau."

With a long exhale, the girl handed over control, and the features became that of a lean man my age, one I knew who could be unpredictable and deadly when provoked. The scar that I gave him only existed when Celena slept and the albino was fully in-charge. Now it was a dark slash of deep shadow on the otherwise smooth male face.

"What brings the King to my bedchambers so late?" A suggestive smirk appeared on his thin lips.

"Only necessity, I assure you," I respond blandly, not rising to the bait. "I think you at least owe me a favor, and I'm calling it in now."

"Oh, Van." Dilandau's grin widened with interest. "Something tells me this will be more fun for me than you."

Sadly, he wasn't wrong, but if it worked, then it would all be worth it. Still, I had to push down the distrust prickling the back of my neck and spine. Hitomi trusting him was what I had to replay in my mind over and over again as the ex-commander followed me from the palace to the garrison. If something went terribly wrong, he risked taking the fall, but that fact only seemed to intrigue him farther.

"This plan is suicide, you know?" his voice drawled, even as I activated the melif unit I decided we'd use.

"If you aren't up to it, I understand." I let doubt creep into my words, a small taunt to push him farther into my crazy plan.

"Now, now, don't be like that." He waved the jab away like an annoying bug. "You had me at 'shoot you'."

I held my tongue and finished up the straps fastening me into the pilot chamber, so we could move into the forest behind the castle and hopefully draw less attention. He could have done this part as well, and we both knew it. The problem was that if the albino warrior was seen in the armor, an alarm could be raised, ruining even the slightest chance of success. We made it out of the training yard without issue, each heavy foot fall ringing in my ears like deafening alarm bells. The world around us slept on blissfully ignorant.

We drew within sight of the royal tomb and the place where I sent Hitomi home after the war a lifetime ago. Though Escaflowne rests in the shrine now, the area still practically hums with power.

"What the heck is this place?" I saw Dilandau shudder slightly, rubbing the gooseflesh that rose on his bare white arms. It was interesting to know he felt it too, not everyone did. Then again, he was practically made from stolen magic and horrific experiments.

"Cemetery." I left it at that, knowing time was already slipping away with the lightening sky. My first trip to the Mystic Moon happened at sunset, and I hoped that sunrise would have a similar connection to the other world. This was about recreating the night I hunted a dragon. I couldn't take a beast with me this time, but with the energist from before and enough power, I prayed it would be enough.

Unfastening and climbing out of the cockpit, I tossed my satchel down first where it landed with a soft thud. Wordlessly, Dilandau climbing into the vacated seat. We didn't need to talk at this point, the plan was already set, and I wasn't backing out now. My shirt came off next, and I could almost hear Merle's voice nagging about wrinkles as I shoved it into my bag with the wedding clothes I hoped to wear later. Before I closed the leather top again, the pink heartstone that started everything came out.

With it in my hand, I leapt up, not to the shoulder of the armor, but to the tip of the sharp spear in its metal hand. Exhaling deeply, I closed my eyes to focus on the invisible thread of power deep down in my core. The thing that made me different, that made wings tear the smooth skin of my back and erupt in white feathers. It didn't matter what name it went by: magic, Atlantean power, cursed blood. I embraced it now. I am Draconian.

The forms took shape and their familiar weight rested, folded tightly down my back. Part of me expected Dilandau to comment in some snide way, but I guess he had more in common with my wings than anything else. Celena and I both carried the other sides to ourselves hidden, because the rest of the world will always fear and misunderstand. Parts that we had to accept make us unique.

"I'm ready," I state evenly, my eyes not on the now shut face mask, but on the ever brightening sky. Any moment now the sun will crest the mountain ridge.

"I still say you're insane." The voice that came out, though muffled, seemed approving.

"Just do it." The seconds ticked past without movement.

"Keep your pants on." Dilandau grumbled something incoherent about outdated models and the sad lack of crima. Then it started to hum, the spear moving upward with me on its tip. Power building, the melif's core warming. "I hope you survive this. If so, we should get a drink."

With that, he shot the weapon skyward with a powerful jolt. Upward the spear charged, wind whipping past at speeds that my wings alone couldn't have matched. Still it felt impossibly slow compared to Escaflowne's power. It had to work. I believed it would be enough. As the momentum began to slow, I pushed off with a strong jump and thrust of my wings. In that moment where the air was too thin to breath, I brought the energist up to my chest and the pendant there. They began to glow pink, beating in time with my racing heart. Brighter and brighter, faster than I could fly into the sky alone.

Then I could breathe again, a blue-white light surrounding me in a protective bubble of warm air. Streaking towards the Mystic Moon like a shooting star across the night sky. Like in the past, I could feel the change where I was no longer flying up but beginning to float softly down. With a sigh, I let my wings go, disintegrate into a blizzard of feathers, just as my feet touched down.

The light faded away, and I could tell several things at once. This was the same place I had arrived the first time, but it was just after sunrise and blessedly void of other people. Back into my bag the energist went, it's job done for the time being. Out came my red shirt along with one other thing, the embroidered black jacket Hitomi brought with her this last trip.

Closing my eyes, at first there was only the dark inside of my eyelids, but then the image of the pendant appeared. It made an easy circle pointing nowhere specific. As taught so many moons ago during the war, I focused on what I wanted to find. I thought of everything Hitomi had told me about her family and their house where she had grown up. Most of all, I pulled on the memories held in this silken flower jacket.

The pink stone in my mind swung sharply to the left. I start down that paved street lined with narrow trees and thin metal like strands crisscrossing overhead. I followed the pendant's directions at each intersection, not stopping to wonder at the strangeness of this place. There wasn't time, and I knew the less people I had to deal with the better. As peculiar as Hitomi seemed when she first arrived on Gaia, I'm sure I would now appear that abnormal to others who had a different definition of ordinary.

I walked under a tunnel built over the street, with odd lights set right into sides that didn't flicker or dim like firelight. It didn't take long to arrive in front of a white house with a red tiled roof, the same size and construction as those that surrounded it. A low wall, trimmed hedges, and metal gate separating it from the street. Though it looked like the others, I knew this one to be the home I was looking for though unable to read the characters on the placard.

The gate opened soundlessly under my hand, and I moved towards the front door. Part of me wondered how I'd even gotten this far. What could I say to these people, the ones Hitomi loved enough to come back to? I guess we had that in common now. She did eventually return to me. It'd taken time, but we have the rest of our lives to look forward to now.

In the time it took me to get here, the sun had risen enough that it truly was a new day, but as always, time seemed so uncertain. I didn't know if months or years had passed since she arrived in Fanelia. For all I knew, it could have been days.

Taking a deep breath, I plunged straight in, knocking solidly on the front door. It only took a moment to hear movement inside, then footsteps grew louder. When it opened, I was slightly taken back by the face openly questioning my presence on their doorstep. My first thought was of a younger Hitomi. The short, honey blond hair and features of this young man were similar enough to hers that I knew him already. Mamoru's eyes were an earthy brown, unlike his sister's jewel green.

"Can I help you?" His tone wasn't necessarily rude, but the searching look I was getting wasn't exactly polite either.

"Yes, I think you can." Before I got much farther, another person came into view. The woman had lines etched above her brow from worry but also around her eyes from smiling.

With one glance at me, her hand flew up in the same gesture Hitomi unconsciously did when surprised. "Oh my." She shot her son a look that clearly said he was being rude, before addressing me again. "You must be Van. Please, come in."

It was my turn to be off balance. I don't know exactly what her family had been told, but how I am instantly recognizable still wasn't expected. In reaction, I found my head bowing slightly, a mirror imitation of mannerisms I first saw from the Mystic Moon native. Maybe this woman recognized it, because her grin grew and I found myself propelled into the house. In my position, others might have looked around trying to learn more of this world and the place where the green-eyed girl grew up, but all my attention was focused on the people that mattered far more.

Guided by her mother and trailed by the younger brother, it was a strange situation to find myself in. My appearance seemed to gather strange looks from the two new people seated around a table with steaming cups forgotten in front of them. The first was a man of middle years, with thinning hair almost as jet black as my own. His narrow face and dark eyes mirrored in his son more than daughter. The other I hadn't expected. With long hair an unusual shade of dark red pulled into a sleek tail, the woman around my age leapt up quickly. Shock and recognition on her expressive face quickly turned to anger.

"You!" she yelled at me, eyes flashing. "Mr. Dragon-killer, what have you done to Hitomi?!"

"Yukari, do you know this man?" The elder of the two men in the room looked to the girl, while his son fixed me with an even more hostile glare than before.

"Yes, he's the one that took Hitomi away during school." I remembered her now, Hitomi's closest friend. The one who had tripped and nearly got their group eaten. My memories were interrupted by her turning on me with rage again. "Now, she's gone for good, and I could feel her calling out last night. What have you done to her?!"

"I'm sure everything is fine," Mother Kanzaki soothed evenly.

"Then why is he here alone?" Mamoru bit out shortly from behind me.

"If you let the man speak, I'm sure we'll find out quicker," said the one person still calmly seated at the table. Mr. Kanzaki, though not as worked up as the others, studied me with a deeper interest through spectacles sliding down his narrow nose.

All eyes on me, I suddenly wished they'd go back to bickering. This was harder than a string of trade meetings or fighting all the Dragonslayers once again. Now that I was there facing them, I didn't know what to say. I never really expected to find them or even to get this far. Somehow, what to say hadn't actually formed, and now I stood here on another world about as eloquent as an Asturian sea-slug.

"Hitomi is safe and happy." I hesitated, because the woman, Yukari, spoke as if she could feel her friend's unease over the distance. And maybe she could. Hitomi must have remained connected to the people she loved even after leaving them. Unlike me, they didn't have the pendant, so they couldn't see or talk to the girl despite the strength of her wishes. "Nervous maybe, and missing you all. For months, we've been planning to get married today, but more than anything she wanted her family there. So against great odds, I decided to try one last thing to make her wish come true."

At this, I held out the black jacket. "Hitomi may have come back to me, but she never really left you either. It was that connection that allowed me one last trip." No need to mention the suicidal plan. As I spoke, the older woman gently accepted her own possession back with a stunned expression. "I've been lucky so far, but if it's possible, I would you like to take you back, if only for one day, to our wedding."

Things went a lot smoother after that, though Mamoru still didn't quite trust me. Knowing time was against me, I took a chance to change while I could, and they let me use Hitomi's old room. I could feel her presence in that simple room with the fluttering pink curtains, just like I could sense the old magic in the royal cemetery. Coming back down the carpeted stairs, the looks I received in my formal clothes were both speculative and almost awestruck.

For the first time, they realized that their Hitomi was marrying someone with wealth and influence, even if they didn't know the finer details. Clothes never really meant much to me, but I knew the finely tailored long jacket with its golden embroidery made me look like a different person than the wild-haired man that appeared on their doorstep.

Since the temple had the highest concentration of power in the area, our group took the short trek back the same route I had walked alone. There was a sense of time slipping away, but no reason to stress quite yet. So, they talked and I listened. I learned it had also been the same six months from the time Hitomi left them and joined me. Where it was winter in Fanelia, spring had its firm hold here.

I hadn't anticipated having the extra person along for the trip. It could be tricky even with everything going as planned, which it rarely did even under normal circumstances. My one hope was that since I belonged on Gaia, calling out to it would be far easier than leaving was. I didn't exactly explain the whole situation to the rest of the party, as pretending you knew what you were doing went farther in getting people to follow you than honesty sometimes.

It was with great relief that I felt the string in my core, as though there was a long thread linking me home, to Fanelia and Hitomi. I told the waiting group to circle me, close their eyes, and think of the girl waiting for us. With that, I pulled out the bag, an energist already starting to pulse like a large heart beating in the palm of my hand.

Green eyes, honest face, honey-colored hair. The way she called my name, over and over again in my mind. Running to save me. Fearless in her determination to help others, even those beyond saving. A heart so big it touched the lives of everyone lucky enough to know her.

Wind swirled slowly at first, but faster with each pounding heartbeat thrumming in my ears. Bright blue-white light encircled us, and I felt each person reach out. Placing one had on my shoulders, so that I had two people tethered to each side of me.

Their startled words and exclamations carried away on the now roaring wind, feet lifting upward as though gravity had been turned off within the tunnel of light. I sent my thoughts out to the girl right now who knew nothing of this trip, but that I loved her beyond worlds. "Wait for me, Hitomi."

I felt the hands on my shoulders grip tighter, almost painfully so, as we sped faster and faster into the sky. Should I have warned them? Told them to shut their eyes so that the pillar of light wouldn't be so shocking? Normal people, and that's what they were, don't travel between worlds or places in such a way.

We landed, and I was grateful for the solid ground beneath our feet, not because of any worry, but it meant I was finally freed. With murmurs of wonder, my four guests let me go. Traveling like this is always unpredictable, but blessedly we arrived right were we left. It appeared to be the same day, but hours later. Judging by the alinement of the sun and moons, I'd have to wager I was late to my own wedding.

"This is Fanelia, my home," I stated simply, trying to calculate how long it will take us to get to the shrine. Flying was out, so we'd have to run. The question is if I'd lose them along the way. "I'm sorry to be abrupt, but the ceremony has started. We have to go."

Without waiting for a response, I started to run, not as fast as Hitomi, but setting a steady pace. Luckily, the footfalls echoing behind me proved that the whole group chose to follow close behind. It wasn't a great distance and just on the other side of the wide courtyard from the palace. The tall, white-faced building made the group slow for a moment, but not long.

Just as we came into view of the shrine and its wide open entrance, I could see the people waiting inside. I wasn't too late. My heart soared as if it too had wings. I could see the gathered crowd shift in surprise, Merle and Wren standing off to one side where I belonged. Allen and Celena mirrored their positions as members of the wedding party, but truly the only person that mattered stood in the center with my vacant slot.

Hitomi looked so beautiful it nearly took my breath away. Her emerald gaze met mine, and the love there gave me a surge of energy. I could tell when she first saw the four people I had brought from the Mystic Moon. Surprise was followed quickly with joy on her glowing face. All the worry and unease faded in an instant. I had done the impossible, even if she didn't know the lengths I had to go. Just the fact that they were really here counted more than anything.

People moved to either side, letting me and my surprise guests make our way to the front. Every step drawing me closer to Hitomi, joyful tears brimming her beautiful eyes. Rosy lips soundlessly forming the words, "Thank you."

I couldn't help the grin spreading across my face, and my heart sped forward, reaching her side moments before I joined it there. In the next heartbeat, I had to fight not to jump as the Neko behind me grabbed a chunk of flesh on my arm in a small, sharp pinch, twisting the skin evilly.

I don't know what angered Merle more: that I was late, hadn't filled her in on the surprise fully, or the wrinkled state of my formal wear. In the end, none of it mattered, just the amazing woman who accepted that the unexpected was part of my charm.

The priest waited impatiently as my bride hugged her family, people she had said goodbye to months ago under the belief that it would be the last time. These special moments meant more to her than any possible wedding present. Money couldn't buy this kind of happiness.

Once the ceremony started, I let the words flow around us like water past river stones. This peaceful world existed between Hitomi and me, natural and just the beginning of our journey together.

Six months ago, I stood in front of the whole kingdom and swore loyalty to another woman, one I could never love. My heart had always wanted the girl from the Mystic Moon. Now we were finally in the same place, not just physically but also emotionally. That alone was a miracle I wasn't sure I'd every deserve, but I had the rest of my life to try and be the man worthy of this honor.

As we kissed, it was like no other. Every expression of our feelings rolled up in one moment that stretched into eternity. Simple, yet so impossibly full for promise. I could feel her repeating the final oath softly against my lips, an unbreakable promise.

"I do," Hitomi swore again, this time just for me. "Forever, I do."

There was nothing else for me to say, because I couldn't have agreed more. This kiss and every other are all that I need. All that I could ever want.

 **To be continued…**

 **A/N The original plan was to show their first night as husband and wife. After all they've had to keep their hands to themselves, maybe not very successfully, but really an achievement for them. They were separate for a few months, then when Hitomi came back to Fanelia they had to try and behave. Again, try is the operative word.**

 **You get to see how Van made it to earth and brought back the Kanzaki's plus Yukari. Quick review for those that might need an explanation. Hitomi didn't return to Earth during the war she created a pocket reality where she relived the day before her world changed and it was a combination between her connection to Van and the wish to go back and finish what she started that let him through.**

 **Once she returned home for good it was again their connection which let them visit that mini reality, but the invisible wall keeping them apart was Hitomi's making. It was her will to keep her life separate from Van that was the real barrier. When she agreed to marry Izumi she was torn between what she was supposed to want and what her heart needed. That was why Van could break though the barrier that night, because for the first time she really wanted him to.**

 **Now it was their connection that kept the world spinning together and when Van broke that bond trying to free himself, it set reset the time difference from the war. In turn once Hitomi returned to Gaia she left a new connection with her mother and Yukari. So where Van and her could be together emotionally and even physically in those pocket realities, but without the same powers, pendent and or Draconian blood no one else could communicate with or even see her. In the end the empty house of Hitomi's nightmare was her trying to reach out to her family without really knowing what she was doing. Yukari felt her distress which is why she was over so early in the morning. Concern for Hitomi lead her to ask the only people who might know something, and that is when Van turned up.**

 **Now the other question might be, how did Van get to Earth without Escaflowne or his connection to Hitomi? As Hitomi wasn't there it was the real earth and not a shadow that wishes created. The simplest explanation is that Van tricked the remniants of power, that formed and protect Gaia, into thinking that he was following another wayward dragon. By using the propulsion of the Guymelif, dragon energist, pendant, and Mother Kanzaki's Jacket to similate a sky dragon this time and direct it to or near Hitomi's childhood home.**

 **It worked where Van on his own failed before. I reused the idea of him trying to fly to Hitomi from an older story. This time he worked out a way to succeed, though it took him some time to figure it out, also the reason why he was so distracted in Hitomi's version. Anyways I hope that helps explain things. If there are any more questions please feel free to ask, and I'll get back to you one way or another.**

 **I can't wait to see what you think, and yes I had too much fun with Celena/Dilandau. Slay tuned for the last chapter and true conclusion. Until then my friends.**


	15. One Day at a Time

**It's both a full-length chapter and the story epilogue all rolled together. I have more comments at the bottom, so I'll leave you to go right into it. Enjoy I know I had fun writing it.**

 **Broken Promises**

 **Epilogue**

 **Chapter 15- One day at a time**

I wake slowly. The pillow beneath my head shifts on its own, followed closely by a groan that didn't come from me. Reluctantly, I open my eyes to see a well-muscled, tan arm under my head, following up to an equally bare and sleepy, raven-haired man. I moved, freeing him only for his grimace to deepen. The arm I hadn't been sleeping on grasped his limp limb, lifting it momentarily before dropping it in a dramatically lifeless motion.

"It's dead," he moaned, flopping his asleep arm as if it were a tragic loss. "You've killed it." He acted as though I had cut off his hand and not just slept solidly on him.

With a punch to the nearest shoulder, I hoped my hit would set off painful pins and needles. "Jerk!" I couldn't hide a small, satisfied smile between his grunt of pain and the playful way the minor hit was exaggerated, as if it actually hurt. "That's what you get."

I sat up, pulling the rumpled sheet to cover my bare breasts as I did so. It was easier to give a mock imperious expression while looking down.

Instantly, Van stilled his play-acting, those rich mahogany eyes I love so much taking on an almost predatory gaze. Before I could move again, he shot forward, one large hand on my shoulder. His weight shifted so easily, rolling me onto my back, almost effortlessly on his part. It took less than a second for me to be looking up at this powerfully built man. Despite all his strength, he instead used skill and moved me with a gentle grip. I knew he would never hurt me even in jest, and the thoughtful soul inside this warrior just made me love him more.

My breath hitched, and suddenly the mood shifted to one filled with simmering heat. Our naked skin pressed together, a ripple of tensed muscles preparing for action. Even the feel of him waking against my stomach promised more. His arm may have been asleep, but other parts were ready and willing.

Then again, so was I.

I moved my hips so that he could slide down the shift, drawing the length of him against my skin and into position. He groaned, the head braced at my entrance which was already tingling with anticipation.

We didn't need words, because everything had already been said yesterday at the wedding. Just the look in his warm eyes was enough.

Wrapping my arms around his neck, I met his full lips with my own, kissing Van deeply. After a brief pause, he answered with the same intensity, one hand tangling in my hair while the other kept his heavier fighter's body from putting too much weight on me. I love everything about him: the way he felt, tasted, and cared even about the minor things.

I don't care if it makes me greedy. I had wanted him last night, but now I feel as if I need him like a drowning person needs air, starves for it. Loving one person completely made the desire so much more intense. We sink together, moving as though nothing mattered as much as the charge building in every thrust. Our need went beyond the act of sex and merged with our emotions, becoming what can only be called _making love_.

It was a physical action to mirror the depth of our shared emotions. Our breaths came in short pants alongside moans escaping both of us. Van's strong hands gripped my hips with just the right amount of pressure to add pleasure. We kissed as our mouths met, hungry for the extra contact.

Climbing together, we both came, toes curling, back arching, voices mingling in ecstasy. We panted and shuddered as though we'd run an extremely difficult race. Van slid from me, both spent and pleased. His taunt arms pulled me to his solid, sweat slicked chest. We both lay enfolded together, our bodies calming and sated, at least for now.

"I love you," Van breathed softly into my hair.

"I love you, too," I sighed happily, trailing my fingers up his slightly rough face to push the damp black hair out of his eyes. "But we should probably get ready." My voice trailed off.

"They can stay a little longer." He shifted to better look into my eyes, but I glanced away, not wanting to be as emotionally naked as I was physically. Van wasn't fooled; he knew me well enough to know when I was trying and failing to hide something. "Please don't, Hitomi."

I took a deep, steadying breath and met his gaze. The gentleness there of his true soul, the sensitive, almost unsure side that others rarely saw, was laid bare. He knew what I was going through, how hard it was for me to send my family home. We knew this would be goodbye forever. Still, he had given me an unforgettable gift, one I may never be able to repay

"No, they have lives there, and we've just started ours." I knew deep down that this was right, the same way I found him after being captured. It was that deep, indescribable something others would call power, the knowing without physical proof. It might take some time for me to truly get used to being completely open about my feelings, but I know I can do it with Van.

It was hard to get up from that bed, but with the smell of sex hanging in the air, a bath was definitely needed before I could see my family again. Slipping from the sheets, I strode to my wardrobe and began gathering clothes for once I was clean, a simple but elegant Fanelian dress. The feel of his eyes memorizing my every curve and movement made me feel like the goddess some people claimed came from the Mystic Moon.

If I could go back in time, I wouldn't change a single thing. Choices have consequences, and we could have hurt the people around us so much more. Still, we had to learn how to love each other. Even the hard times and losses are precious to me. They have made us stronger, and I am so very thankful for every moment. These memories are that much sweeter, because we know what the alternative would've been like.

I was grateful for the traditional style wash room attached to the suite. Scrubbing, rinsing, then sinking into the tub of steaming water with a sigh. The door opened, and it was my turn to watch Van walk: the seamless tan of his skin and the ripple of taunt muscles built from years of martial arts. My eyes studied his body like a navigator with a new chart, every inch from his broad shoulders down to his lean chest, well-defined abs, and the thinnest trace of black hair trailing from his belly downward. I should have felt like a pervert staring so openly, but as of yesterday it became my right to do so and not ogling him would be a crime.

"Room for one more?" Van grinned, already knowing the answer as this tub could easily fit a whole family.

"Thought we needed to get clean. Wouldn't that be counter-productive?" Though my retort was witty in nature, the fact that my tongue felt a little thick around the words softened the impact.

"I'll behave," he promised solemnly, though the effect was slightly ruined by the playful smirk that really said. _"I'll behave if you will."_ It was, of course, a promise I couldn't in all confidence make. After all, the honeymoon phase was just starting.

Against all odds, we did make it through our bath without a repeat of this morning, though it gave me plenty of ideas to try out later when our families weren't waiting on us. I did help wash Van's hair and back, which was a lot more fun than it sounds. He seemed to enjoy it too, relaxing into my touch with a contented expression on his handsome, sharp featured face.

Dressing took more willpower than normal, as we both looked longingly at the rumpled sheets. A thought came to me just as we planned to leave, and I turned to Van, who was directly behind me.

"The sheets are checked the morning after, right?" My eyes dart to the white, unstained bedclothes. Having told each other everything, I knew what Eva had done to fool tradition about their short and unromantic marriage. "Should I cut my hand or something?"

He laughed with a quick head shake. "Don't even think of hurting yourself!" Taking both of my hands in his much larger ones, he pressed a soft kiss to each unmarked palm. "I've told my advisors not to bother. If they wanted proof, it was a little late for that."

I could feel the heat flooding my cheeks. It's true, and I'm grateful that no one will be checking for evidence that I was a virgin before last night. After all, they wouldn't find anything. But now those important men are going to think that the rumors of infidelity were true. Memories of our encounter in his office may prove it, but I didn't really want anyone else to know and it is exactly what everyone will think. No one would believe that Van had crossed the distance between our worlds in a dream a year and a half before now.

"Hitomi, I'm sorry if this all embarrasses you." I didn't have to say what I was thinking. Using the wrists Van was still holding, he pulled me into a gentle embrace, speaking now into my hair. "The tradition is there to prove that any children produced could only belong to the king. Sometimes I forget you weren't raised in this political world. There's nothing romantic about any of it."

I wrapped my arms around his lean form and settled into the hug. "Where I'm from, people don't really talk so openly about all this."

"I know, love." Van kissed my forehead softly. "I was just trying to show that I have no doubt about any children when they do come."

"The whole world watching for me to get pregnant is also kind of unsettling, you know." I sighed, reluctant to pull away, but we've already delayed meeting the others for a bit too long.

"Sorry." His smirked, ruining the effect of the apologetic word. I saw first hand how people treated Eva when they thought she would be the one helping to keep the Fanel line alive. I wasn't really looking forward to the well-meaning obtrusive comments, searching looks, and speculation. What makes any of it worthwhile is having Van at my side through it all.

He wanted a family, not for the throne, but because it's what he'd missed out on having more than anything. I could almost see the images of messy haired babies dancing through his mind. The king, warrior, and someday soon father. It all suited Van.

By the time we made it to breakfast, everyone was already seated and about halfway done with their plates. My family and Yukari sat on the right side of the table with the chair closest to Van's central seat left vacant for me. Opposite them sat the Neko family, Allen, and Celena, with Merle closest to Van and the duel personality girl farthest away.

In a way, it would have been interesting to just observe this unlikely group, but I was hungry. Van led us right to our seats without hesitation. He greeted my parents first, who looked a little overwhelmed, not knowing if they needed to rise when the king joined the table. Van waved their worries away quickly, as this was just an informal family meal.

Yukari caught my eye, and I knew from the enthusiastic thumbs up she could read the glow on my face. Heck, everyone probably knew exactly why we were late. Trying not to blush harder, I took my seat, which being directly across from Merle didn't help. Things felt better between us, but the last thing I needed was for my private life with her adopted brother to become breakfast table conversation.

Thankfully, Van started up polite conversation with my father about how they were liking Fanelia. It was nice to spend even this short time with the people I would always miss deep down. It's really the nicest gift anyone has ever given me. Most of all, they get to see even a small sliver of this world, know I am safe, and understand how much I love this place. Really, it's the people of this world. Allen and Celena have become my surrogate family, both protective and understanding.

It just shows me how very fortunate I am to have so many people I love. Yukari has always supported me, so it means a lot for her to finally see and maybe understand a little of why I chose to leave normalcy behind for something far greater.

I didn't talk much through the meal, just wanted to memorize every detail while I still had the chance. Soon it would be time to send them home for good. Part of me was sad, but it was overshadowed by the rest of me which was deliriously happy. In the end, I wasn't the one who started crying first. That was my mother, who was normally so rational.

Tears leaked from her crinkled eyes, not as she hugged me for the last time, but while she stood looking up at Allen. I remembered our conversation about who her biological father was, and could now see a slight resemblance between her and the fair-haired brother and sister she'd never known. The tall, blond knight seemed frozen by the unexpected reaction.

"I'm sorry." She tried to swallow back the emotion "You've saved and protected Hitomi, and you didn't even know..."

"That you're my sister and she my niece?" Allen finished, though it seemed difficult for him to find the words. He took a deep breath, and warmth softened his handsome face. "I never thought I'd be so blessed to find more family to hold dear. Why would I blame you for my father's choices? I've forgiven him, and you should too."

After that, everything felt much warmer, even with Merle whispering, "How does it feel to know you've kissed your uncle?"

Heat flushed my cheeks until I saw the playful laughter in her large, blue eyes. Turning my nose up slightly, I responded smoothly, "I don't know. Better than spending years in love with my brother, but you'd know more about that, right?"

That wiped the smirk away, and I couldn't help smiling as she tilted her stripped face thoughtfully. "Then, this is a truce?"

"It is," I agreed cheerfully.

With a heart full to bursting with so much still left unsaid, I hugged my family and best friend one last time. There were no tears of sadness at our parting, just as the day Van had sent me home after the war. It was the deep emotional understanding of how things were meant to be, and a gratefulness never quite expressible through words, just love.

We didn't say good bye, because those two words would always be too small to hold everything we felt. Instead, we promised, "I will never forget you."

Van didn't need to swear to take care of or protect me. His actions would always be stronger than any spoken sentiment. Instead, he wrapped one comforting arm around my shoulders as the other held up a glowing pink energist. Bright, blue-white light burst around the feet of the four people who didn't belong on this world. A warm wind began to lift them into the sky away from me forever, but always in my heart.

Happy days sweep past like flashes of borrowed memories, even the small fights hold only love as Van and I grow together. Months progress, and even as Van's birthday came and went, things remained consistent. We traveled to Asturia for my goddaughter's first birthday. It was our first real appearance outside Fanelia as King and Queen.

My short time living in the coastal capital left an unforgettable impression. Many of the courtiers that found my connection to the Sheazar family interesting conversation then were positively baffled that I had returned nine months later as an ally kingdom's queen. Sure, there was rumors and jealousy, but none of that bothered me. Really, the only thing that dimmed my happiness wasn't something that could be controlled.

Millearna and Dryden greeted me as family full of love. Even the older boys, with their best manners and in formal attire, doted on the tiny sister who we came to celebrate. It wasn't that I wasn't happy for them, but what I had started hoping for seemed reluctant to come: a family of my own, with Van. My waist remained trim, and my cycles were completely regular despite the frequent activities which should have led to a different result. Van wasn't concerned and urged me not to be either. After all, sometimes these things took time.

I guess what hurt more is that another royal pair were at the festivities with their own new addition. Eva and Jace practically glowed with joy over their chubby faced, red-haired infant-prince making his first appearance in Gaia politics. Why was it so easy for them? Will it keep hurting even though I knew it shouldn't matter at all what they had, and I didn't?

It felt like something was missing, but I just tried to remind myself that Van and I had each other. We had plenty of time for everything else to happen naturally. Apparently, not everyone got pregnant every time they sneezed like my friends.

An ambassador I vaguely recognized drew Van from my side briefly. In that slight gap in companionship, I saw Merle talking to her friend and fellow mother. Taking a steading breath and swallowing down anything but congratulations, I walked over to the small group.

"Got room over here for one more?" I asked, trying to appear happy and worry free. Wren and Jace seemed lost in their own discussion on new fighting tactics, something Van might have found more interesting than the politics currently keeping him away.

The vibrant haired woman looked me over and, not missing a thing, responded, "Only if you plan to explain why you look like you've swallowed a bushel of piscus." Merle, keen as always, didn't miss a beat, and even in her concern found a way to insult me. Family, you've got to love them.

"In that case, I'll go find Allen. At least he doesn't think I'm sour," I sniffed, glancing around for my chivalrous relative.

Eva laughed a little, shifting the baby who was watching the glittering swing of her earrings with focused interest. "I'd wish you good luck, but as he's vanished from the party along with the Widow Stuart, it might be best you don't."

That caught my attention. "You don't mean that the two of them are together?"

The duo looked at me in unison, but with vastly different expressions: Merle with one of mingled disgust and pity; Eva, on the other hand, wore a look of amusement. It appears the knight sneaking around with a wealthy Asturian widow was common knowledge, and my naivety was almost cute. I wondered if I was the last to know or if that was Celena and Dilandau.

"Well," Eva started thoughtfully, glancing at the Neko for confirmation, "no one quite knows how serious the pair are, but they seem happy."

"Hitomi, you might have noticed this if you weren't so busy pretending something wasn't bothering you." In true Merle fashion, she proved too sharp for me to hide anything from her, but I wasn't given a chance to respond as she continued relentlessly. "This moodiness better not be about the fact that you haven't started popping out royal babies yet. If so, then you need to get a serous grip. It's been less than a year. Relax already."

Even though she was chewing me out, it somehow felt better to be talking about this openly. I thought I'd been doing a good job of hiding these worries, but just like when I first thought I was pregnant a lifetime ago, my mind doesn't want to switch off. Now it was just the opposite.

"Was I that obvious?" I sighed, looking between the two women.

"Van noticed, so you might as well be wearing a sign on your forehead," Merle snapped, being her normal blunt self. It didn't soften the blow with Eva nodding along.

A small laugh escaped. "I really have been obvious then."

After that, I felt lighter. Being stupid about all this won't fix anything. Van returned and joined the other fighters in conversation, but not before taking my hand. None of it matters as long as we have each other. Baby, no baby. It will all sort itself out without fussing about it and being jealous of my friends.

It was then I looked at the little boy who would be a prince but never a king, because his mother had given away any chance she had at the throne. She survived years thinking no one wanted her, but she'd really been alone as a plot to hide a dirty family secret. In keeping her silence, she was able to finally marry purely for love, and that had made her far richer.

Van and I would have our own happiness. Right before we left the group to continue our rounds, I leaned towards Eva and asked, "Do you ever regret letting your sisters get away with it?"

She smiled at me in that open, disarming way. "Not at all. I've gotten everything I'd ever wanted." Softly tracing the round cheeked boy with one finger, she glanced at me with a slyness I hadn't expected. "Anyways, I wouldn't have anything to tell. The king has always had three daughters. All my mother told me was that she had a chance at love, but let it pass her by."

A little shocked by the revelation, I asked, "Why didn't you just tell them that?"

The tall princess merely smiled, "They never asked."

As it turns out, all of the hassle about the Cesserian royal family was only a silly rumor. The slight chance that one of them was a bastard drove the middle princess to bully and belittle her sister for years, yet it was not true. A possibility of secession was a scary thought for any country. In all reality, it was only a dying mother's wish that her youngest would not make the same mistake she had, one Eva nearly did by saying "yes" to Van's proposal of political marriage.

Love, that's the moral of the story. really. It always is.

Time moved on happy and easy. One month turned to two, then more. The next thing we knew a year had passed into another. It's amazing how happiness makes each day feel like the best day of your life. It turns individual moments to a long, uninterrupted string of wonderful memories. Sure, Van and I had our fair share of arguments, but they were quickly resolved in most cases. Aside from our current disagreement, of course. This was a big one, and even though I knew we were both being needlessly stubborn, it wasn't easy to let it go.

Part of it was just being stubborn, but it was hard to tell who it was, him or me. Both really. We've been married for three years now, and this was the first time I was so angry at him that I didn't even want to look at his handsome face. If I did, I'd just want to hit it, again. I knew I was being needlessly emotional, but when he said it out loud, well, it was hard not to slap him.

It reminded me of how Van was when we first met, brash and temperamental, quick to speak without thinking. Before, he did it partly to protect himself, and now he did it to try and protect me. The thing is I didn't want to be protected. I never did. It made me feel smothered.

I lay in bed, eyes wide open, staring at the ceiling in the darkened room, stewing. The most recent argument ended when he called me childish. It was then I heard the door and quickly pretended to be asleep. If he wanted to say I was being immature, then fine. I'd act like a child and sulk.

"Hitomi, are you awake?" His smooth tenor asked from close behind me. I didn't respond. Still, he must have known I was faking it. I felt the bed shift as his weight settled onto the mattress. "In that case, am I sleeping in the sitting room?"

"I don't know," I grumbled, giving away the ruse, which wasn't going to work anyways. "Have you changed your mind?"

"Not a bit," he responded quickly. Infuriatingly sure of himself. "I don't have to be next to you tonight, though I'd like nothing more. I'm still leaving in the morning, and where I sleep won't change that."

"Will you be going alone?" I already knew the answer; it never changed no matter how many times I asked.

"You know I will," He sighed. "You've come to summit each year since we married, but this time is different." His hand moved to my stomach. I stiffened, but didn't push him away as he felt the rounded form and child growing there.

We wanted this for so long, almost gave up hope, or at least I did. Van was steadfast that when the time was right, it would happen. I will always remember his face when I told him. I'd missed my regular cycle twice before I was sure, and that was important after wishing for so long. My breasts hurt, and I was always tired. Though I didn't get sick, my appetite suffered early on.

I'd thought of this plan to make some baby clothes and give them to Van as a way to tell him I was expecting, but I wasn't really the type of queen to sit around doing embroidery. My work over the years has been researching, compiling facts, writing, and editing various journals. The stack of books I've had published so far are why in polite society I've earned the nickname Paper Queen. It's still a load better than Girl from the Mystic , in my opinion.

So not being particularly crafty, I went into the market with a mind to find a tiny hat or soft blanket to present to my husband, and what I found was too perfect to pass up. That afternoon I went to Van's office and gave him a wrapped package without much explanation.

A little bemused, he unwrapped the colored paper to find a small, red tunic shirt, much like the casual ones he so often wore. "I think you've gotten the wrong size."

"Who said that it was for you?" I smiled at him, one hand resting on my stomach as if I could already feel the child there. "Will you hold on to it until he's big enough to wear it?"

With a joyous whoop, Van was out of his chair and pulling me into his arms happily. That was nearly five months ago, and since then the child has grown with strong movements, even now kicking at where the calloused hand rested tenderly on my stomach. I understood why I must be left here this time. Years ago, Millearna traveled a similar distance in much the same condition and met with tragedy. Van felt responsible even now, so I understood why. Still, it didn't change my stance.

How could I assure Van that everything would be fine if I went? Somehow, deep down I didn't feel safe without him here. It wasn't a vision or anything concrete, just something in my core telling me that being separated from my husband would be disastrous.

Normally, Van listens to my hunches, but this time was different. A gut feeling didn't trump both mine and our child's safety. I couldn't even tell if it had to do with protecting him from danger, but I was afraid of being too far away to do any good when a clear vision came.

"Then don't go." We'd had this argument at increasing frequency as his departure approached.

"I've already delayed as long as possible." He lay down behind me. His solid warmth comforting, and yet it made me want to cry. Damn hormones. "You know I'd stay with you if I could."

"Yeah, I know," I grumbled again, but couldn't help feeling grateful for the embrace. "Blah blah, trade agreement. Bore bore, politics. Yak yak, new military technology."

His low laugh stirred my hair slightly. I almost wanted to let to go and enjoy one more night before the other side of the bed lay empty for over two weeks of travel time.

"You forgot, mutter mutter, for the sake of peace," Van finished adding to the running joke for me.

After all, he was born for this. Not because he was all Fanelia had left, but because small country needed a ruler that was equal parts stubborn and compassionate. A truly good king, he always put others before himself. Even now, it was about what was best for me and our little family. He had a job to do; it's not as though he traveled for the pleasure of it or even enjoyed making public appearances.

Many people think that the man I married is humble, but they are quite wrong. One can be confident while still being introverted, and Van definitely is just that. He is very skilled in many things, some of which start to run through my mind as his strong form molds to my backside. I find that I am far less angry than I was a few short minutes ago.

I move so that my rear rubs against him, and I am pleased by the low groan that escapes into my cropped hair, tickling the nape of my neck with moist heat.

"Hitomi." He said my name like a question and a prayer.

Though we'd been arguing, it didn't make me love or want him any less. In reality, I would be lonely without him, and didn't know how I would sleep without his breathing filling the silence of the room. The long, muscular body I knew as well as my own would be too far away to hold close. Even if we met in dreams, it wouldn't be the same.

"Please." I put my need into words, but it wasn't necessary. Van already knew. His hand left my rounded stomach and traveled up to breasts that had also grown during this time of change. Infinitely more sensitive, even the slightest brush of his thumb against my nipple made me gasp and wriggle against the already aroused man behind me. His lips trailed firm kisses and small soft nips, grazes of teeth, from the nape of my neck up to my ear and back down. Passionate and intense desire flowed between us.

I pulled away reluctantly and removed my night dress before it got in the way farther. I have enough of an obstacle to work around already without bunching fabric. Bare in the moonlit room, I could still feel Van's eyes as if invisible fingers trailed over my exposed flesh warmly, relishing in the changes that I had been wanting for so long. His appreciation of the new shape and curves made me feel powerful, sexy even.

Things that would have made me self-conscious in the past now make me beautiful: larger breasts heavy with recent growth, wider hips, and solid roundness carrying high for the time being. Old wives' tales swore it was a sign I would be having a boy, and in this case I believed them to be right. Even the shiny pink stretchmarks marring the once smooth skin of my lower stomach are now signs of pride.

Greedy to touch and be touched, I reached for Van, removing his loose tunic first then pants. We both were wearing nothing, just as it should be. Wordlessly, our mouths met hungrily, needing each other and trying to ease our want at the same time.

The main difference these days was that not all positions worked like they used to. Before Van could stop our progress to ask, I moved onto my knees and pressed my chest into the mattress. Roughly calloused hands gripped my hips with just the right amount of pressure. He knew just what I liked, and pressed into me fully, but without aggression. My hands fisted the sheets as we moved, belly brushing with each thrust. Gasps and pants turned into moans as we both became more frenzied, coming together, my name escaping his lips like a grateful prayer.

Panting and content, we lay together, my head on his slick chest. His solidness was as comfortable as any pillow. I listened to the sure pounding of his heart. It beat out a quick tempo as if saying, "I love you, I love you," on endless repeat.

"I'll miss you," Van murmured, brushing sweat dampened hair off of my forehead.

"You'll come back soon?" I asked, trying to push down the unease starting to return.

"As quickly as I can." He didn't need to promise anything more. I knew he'd fly back alone if necessary. Daedlus was hosting this year, and as our northern neighbor wasn't an impossible distance. But showing his wings was something that Van avoided unless there was an emergency. I just had to hope that he didn't need to resort to desperate acts like that, ever.

We fell asleep like that, intertwined and happy. The next morning I woke to a light kiss on my temple as Van, who was already dressed more formally than normal, prepared to leave.

"Morning," I mumbled, not sure of the state of my breath.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to wake you." He smiled down at me. Pale morning light made the highlights of his thick hair play black and blue, like a raven's wing.

"I'm glad you did." I smiled up, pushing the wild bangs out of his eyes. Grateful that he'd grown it back to the length from when we first met, just long enough on top to fall into his beautiful, warm eyes. "I loved being kissed awake. Also how else could I wish you a safe trip, and quick return."

He bent down again, this time placing the tender kiss on my lips. Van left me there in bed after assuring me that I didn't need to get up and dress to see him off. Watching him walk away was harder than it should have been.

Days passed uneventfully, and I tried to keep occupied so that the vacant space didn't feel quite so terrible. We met in dreams, but they tired me out in a way the long-distance communication never seemed to before. So, we had to keep our chats shorter, mostly updates on my latest research, or which windbag Van wished he could feed to the dragons. We talked about the things that didn't matter, not how hard it was to be separate now that we'd been happily together for so long or any worries that continued unsaid. The summit would end soon, and he'd be back home as if nothing had happened. I continued to prepare for this child who will become the center of our world.

Shortly after Van's departure, troubling news reached the capital. Something told me to head towards the center courtyard where I found Wren with an out of breath messenger. At first my heart seemed to freeze in place, worried something had happened to my stubborn husband, but after closing my eyes and taking a deep breath, I knew he was fine.

The violet haired Neko warrior glanced at me. I could read the hesitation on his spotted features. It must have been the firm set to my jaw, because after dismissing the travel worn samurai, he turned to me.

"Desmon Lesiuer has escaped from prison. All sources point to him traveling towards the capital." My mind flashed to the day Van was nearly killed by the assassin. The he drove the deadly point of a dagger down towards the heart of the man I have and will always love. If his intention was to hurt the raven-haired king again, he was heading in the wrong direction. Unless this was going to be a repeat event, where he would switch his target to me in the hopes of striking a deeper blow to Van.

"So, you're planning to tighten security around me," I stated sourly. There did not seem to be any other alterative, but I knew being guarded constantly would make me feel like a prisoner.

"Yes." Wren was a good man and even better general, but not always the most empathetic brother-in-law. There wasn't any use to argue. In the absence of the king, his word was law, and Van would have agreed with him completely. I didn't want to be protected at the sake of others, but I knew now that this was their way of showing how much I meant, not just for Van, but for the whole country as queen and hope for the future.

It would have been selfish of me to push away their care, so I swallowed down the argument even though it left a sour taste in my mouth. Van would know soon about the escape, and it would mean his quick return. Until then, I had to let others worry about me, so that way I could keep my mind open and focused on looking out for my husband.

I was right, unfortunately, that the constant guard made me feel suffocated. But in my studies, I found that even Queen Varie had a select group of female warriors sworn to protect only her. If Van's mother could accept the extra watch as daily life, then I could put up with it temporarily. As soon Wren's men recaptured Desmon, things would go back to normal.

Small things started catching my attention. I liked to think it was what Van would have noticed: the time of day that watches would switch, which doors were left unguarded more often, even how often I was out in the open. It was strange that with the tightened security I felt less safe than ever before, and I counted the days until my husband's return.

He had only been gone a little over a week and the trip would last less than two, but it felt so much longer. Just waiting.

I started getting strange flashes. Not of Van or anything that pointed to danger for me or him, but it was still a little disturbing. Images of moving through the trees, the sunlight illuminating carved names on a white headstone, a small bottle of deep purple liquid clutched in a scarred, masculine looking hand. The odd thing was feelings came with the pictures, sadness and an overwhelming sense of tiredness. The desire not for revenge, but something like sleep, though never ending. Death is the eternal quieting of the mind.

I wasn't scared that these feelings were directed towards me or someone I cared about, because I could tell they were never meant for us. Something still bothered me about it all, like a puzzle missing some of the pieces.

The day before Van was due to return, Merle and I were spending our time in the library. I was doing research while she sat by the window mending one of Neveah's dresses, as the little girl was halfway up a tree every chance possible. On the other hand, Corbin, the Neko couple's two-year-old son, was a calm and watchful child. He might grow out of his clothes, but not rip them.

I'd be okay on my own, with a guard outside of course, but Merle argued that she wanted the company. Really her goal was to keep an eye on me. It might have been on my husband's orders, though I think the striped woman thought I'd climb ladders or something else reckless if left alone. Not that I haven't been tempted to check the top shelf for the volume I was missing. I knew better, but it was still tempting.

One minute I was flipping through a dusty journal, and the next my vison was taken over by a view of the palace from the forest, moving through the trees with calm purpose. The thought of ending it all flooded the person with relief, a longing to be with the one they loved at long last. The last thing I saw before coming back to my reading was a memory that didn't belong to me, a tall, austere man with spiked pale hair and the glint of metal from his right sleeve.

Folken.

I knew then where Desmon was, tirelessly walking through the forest behind the Palace, a bottle of poison clutched in his hand. I wasn't the target though, and that scared me more.

"What was that?" Merle's voice directly behind me nearly made me jump. She'd moved while I was in the trance.

"Nothing," I responded quickly, not looking at her.

"Still a bad liar," she sighed with exasperation clear in her voice. "You had a vision. Now tell me the truth."

"Just got dizzy for a second," I made up quickly. "Probably just hungry. I didn't eat much this morning."

My sister-in-law didn't look entirely convinced, but concern for the baby trumped the fact that she didn't believe me. With a concerned backwards glance, Merle left to get some food prepared. I continued to flip calmly through my book for a while longer, knowing those large powerful ears would hear anything I did until she was farther away. When I couldn't risk it any longer, knowing that she could just find a maid and come right back, I had to make my move before it was too late.

I opened the door, looking out at the guard stationed there, a woman with brown hair pulled back smoothly into a small tail and a ridged stance I couldn't quite get used to. "Dina, I'm tired and would like to rest for a bit."

She nodded with a quick "Yes, ma'am" then waited for me to start walking first. Her measured steps fell into a solid rhythm behind me. This was one of my usual samurai on watch, and though she was still very formal with me, I liked her well enough and hadn't really caused any problems yet. We arrived back at my room, and she went in first to assure that no one was laying in wait. Even if I knew exactly where the escaped convict was, well, I wouldn't tell anyone. It would risk alerting him, and that could make him speed up his plans.

Once everything was clear, the soldier came back out to stand guard at the door until she was relived from duty by another. I thanked her and went inside as though everything was normal. As soon as the door shut, I went to the sitting room window, where a balcony ran the length of that side of the palace. It was normally used by servants traveling between the upper level rooms on nice days or to open up and catch a breeze during the hot summer months.

At night someone stood out here too, but during the day it was only used for regular patrols. Looking at the time, I knew a roving guard had already done a recent sweep. Sliding the paneled door shut, it slid back into place looking like every other non-mobile section of wall, so someone not familiar with the castle wouldn't know how to enter. Walking calmly, so I would sound like the standard foot traffic just passing by.

I made it down the stairs built into the far side of the building with only one near miss. Still, where I used to travel freely, just walking without an escort felt like doing something wrong. This is my home, but even being a prisoner in it for this short time reminded me of my first visit. Finding myself on another world, guest in a huge palace, with the only person I knew was an arrogant and moody prince.

Funny how much I wished he was here now, but this was my mission and doing it alone was the only way.

I was nearly caught by Wren once. I think he could smell me and stepped out on the balcony pathway for only a moment or two. My heart thudded hard enough that I was sure those keen ears would hear me. I ducked into the room next door, grateful for both the uninhabited nature of the guest room and the small sense that told me of the danger with just enough time to hide.

Even as I crossed the rear of the castle heading for the cover of nearby trees, I knew I should have been seen, but kept walking with calm purpose. I remember advice given to me by Van the first time I went to the summit with him, "If you act like you should be here, no one will question it." We'd only been married a few months and were still popular topics of conversation.

With a pang, I know how mad at me he'd be now, just for putting myself in danger for someone he wouldn't believe worth the risk. When I reach the forest edge and close my eyes, it takes a moment to realize the wild flipping of my stomach isn't nerves, but the small life inside. Pressing a hand to the movement, I draw strength from him and pray I've made the right choice.

From there, I move down the worn forest path the short distance towards the cemetery. I know he's there without needing to see through the trees. Prison had changed Desmon from the stoic, clean cut solider who guarded Eva and emotional assassin that attacked Van. Kneeling before the white stone memorial is a broken, desperate man, dirty and ragged in more than just appearance. One who radiates sadness and a loss of path. Revenge fueled his determination before, and in the absence of dark purpose all that was left was hollow obsession. In my opinion, he was far more dangerous now than ever before.

When I am still outside attacking range, I speak for the first time. "Don't do it."

He jerks at the sound of my voice, spinning around, and I see the bottle in his hand now. The cork is gone, dark liquid sloshing up the sides, but not spilling. I know what it is then. Spring is, after all, the perfect time to gather jada-berries around here, and he'd need a lot to make that much poison.

"Leave," he threatens darkly, a most likely stolen knife in his other hand.

"I know you think sleeping into death is the only thing you have left." I spoke knowing the truth in my words, but not sure if they could reach him. "Folken wouldn't want you to die."

"How would you know?" he spat out, fist clenching tighter around the glass vial.

"He believed in a world without pain and death. For that goal, he sacrificed his country, his family, and finally his life." I thought of the burning of Fanelia at Folken's orders; the hunt for Van, his only relative; and the tragic death of gold and silver twins whose loss opened his eyes to the pointless nature of war. "This is the last thing Folken would have wanted."

"I swore to avenge him and failed." The words came out soft and rough with emotion. What do you say to a man who feels as if he has nothing left, not even the will to fight? Even if the love was one-sided, it hadn't faded over the years, only turned painfully inward.

I thought back to my own experiences and spoke straight from the heart, praying it would reach him. "Some promises are meant to be broken, so that they can be replaced with better ones."

The knife dropped from his slack fingers. Desmon didn't want to hurt me or anyone else. I had nothing to fear, but I couldn't let up now. When he didn't speak, I knew I had to. "The best way to honor Folken would be to live. He sacrificed, so others wouldn't have to."

"I have nothing left." The blade might be stuck in the soft earth and forgotten, but he still clung tightly to the bottle of poison. "The world would be better without me in it."

The determination coming back into his voice was the last thing I needed, though I'd already picked a few glarr leaves and would shove them down his protesting throat if I had to. I've seen enough death I couldn't prevent, but this one I could.

"Maybe it would." I took a step towards Desmon, and then another when he didn't react right away. "But what would be the point of any of it? Wouldn't the better penance for your crimes be to live?"

I was close enough to reach out now. My hand outstretched to take the glass vial of poison before it could do any harm. Then several things happened at once. The sound of large wings cut through the air. Desmon feeling threatened by the sight of Van flying directly towards him, lifting the deep purple liquid to his lips in one quick motion. The small leap I used to close the distance, arms out stretched. I collided with the desperate man, just as Van landed. The force of my push made his grip on the bottle loosen and drop harmlessly to the forest floor.

Desmon stumbled back, and I felt Van's large hand close on my arm. He yanked me away from the convicted criminal, placing himself between us. I didn't need to see Van's face to know it was filled with dark and righteous fury, sword unsheathed and glinting dangerously in my defense.

"Van, wait!" I called out, desperate that my husband listen to facts before he did something regretful. "He came to kill himself, and I wanted to stop it from happening."

The broad shoulders blocking me tensed. I knew Van was looking at the man in front of us, who with the loss of his chance to end things on his own terms, crumbled to the ground. In flashes I saw that it would only be a moment before he would spot the dagger where it fell and attack us, forcing my husband to kill him. Something avoidable and would only add to the pain Van carried from other dark choices he couldn't avoid.

Before I could shout a warning, Desmon was charging, dirt covered knife aimed at us. Van drew his sword down instinctually, but twisted it deftly at the last second. The flat edge thudding painfully into the outstretched arm, dagger falling harmlessly once more.

Van chose not to kill. He defended us both from the wild attack with less than lethal force. After that, things moved quickly. Marching back to the castle, Desmon forcefully guided in front and me trailing behind. Samurai took over custody of the escaped convict and led the man away. Without a backwards glance, my husband continued towards the palace, and having no other option, I followed. Even though I could feel his anger rolling of in waves, it was entirely justified.

At one-point Merle came running, the guard I had slipped away from on her heels, but both women stopped short at seeing Van's face. Wordlessly, he pushed past, jaw clenched tightly. We arrived back at our rooms, and I knew anything he could yell at me would be true. I'd endangered myself and our child without thought of how it would make him feel. I'd never been the one in danger this time, but it all could have turned out way worse.

The door shut behind me with a final click. He spun around, and the next thing I knew strong arms had me pressed into his chest. He wanted to shout, and maybe he would later, but right now this was the greater punishment. Guilt came crashing down on me. I had to stay here for my safety and disregarded it all to chase a felon who in all cases was past redemption.

Could I rationalize to him the need I had to save a life, even one that may not want to be saved? Right now none of that mattered. Just as Van could have easily killed Desmon and been fully justified, that would have given the man exactly what he wanted at great cost. Van has worked so hard to be more than just the boy king who fought like a demon. We need to be moving forward, not back into bad habits. It seems like I am the one that hasn't learned that lesson.

"I'm sorry." No explanations or excuses could help now, just admitting that I'd acted rashly, disregarding all the care that was taken to keep me safe. Ignoring Van's feelings, and putting myself in unnecessary danger. He wasn't even due back for another day, but still he was here right when I needed him.

As though reading my mind, Van answered the unasked question. "I felt like I needed to come back as soon as I heard he'd escaped. The longer I was stuck at the summit, the more insistent the feeling. I left two days ago."

I could imagine how impatient he would have been, just willing the time to move faster so that he could come home. How waiting for the leviship to cross the mountains would have taken all his will power.

"I was sure that he wasn't a danger to me, just himself." Sighing into the embrace, I couldn't help but feel happy that Van was back, and with his help I was able to prevent a pointless death. Suicide doesn't end the pain. It only transfers it to other people. Desmon might not have anyone left to mourn him, but his death would have left a shadow here for me.

"There is nothing more dangerous than a desperate man." The words spoken into my hair had a touch of impatience, like he was speaking to a child that refuses to listen.

After all, things could have turned out way worse, and Van could really only stay mad at me for so long. He loved me, faults and all. Seeing the good in everyone, giving chances to people who may not deserve it, ignoring the possibility of danger for myself if it meant saving someone else. To some this would have been impossible to understand, but to Van it was proof of my large heart, even if he wouldn't have been nearly as forgiving. It was one of the things that made us so compatible, the way we fit together like two halves of a whole.

Our life would never be what anyone would call easy, but it worked for us. Time moved on, and we welcomed a healthy son. It wasn't until after Folken Goau de Fanel was born that Van admitted why he hadn't been concerned about how long it took us to conceive, because he'd expected it to be a problem from the start. Most people would assume a strong warrior would be virile, but if you factor in the fact that we aren't technically the same species, well, it shouldn't have come as much of a surprise. Now he wasn't exactly sure, and wouldn't have risked being wrong with any woman other than me.

As it turns out, his parents had a similar problem. It took five years of marriage to produce their first son, and another ten until Van himself was born. Draconian and human genetics not being the exact same, along with having no one else to compare to, Van hadn't known what would happen. Still, it must have been hard for him to see me struggle with jealously when all our friends seemed to sneeze in their spouse's direction just to have another child. He could have blamed himself, but instead felt if it was meant to be it would. Holding the newborn prince of Fanelia for the first time made the wait entirely worth it.

The tender look in his warm eyes held nothing but love for the small boy. His strong arms became a gentle cradle as Van softly sang what I recognized as a Fanelian lullaby. Most of all, there was the look of wonder at the perfect being we created together.

Who knows what the future would hold for us? But each day I am grateful for the promises that were broken, so that we could truly find each other again. I will always love you, Van, and I couldn't wish for anything more.

 **The end**

 **A/N- Fun fact Merle comes from the** **name Muriel, but it is also an Old French word merula for blackbird.** **Wren is also a type of bird, so Corbin comes from a play on Crow. Neveah is the only one without a bird name. It's Heaven backwards, and the name of my friend's daughter. Had I realized the connection I might have called her something else like Rhea or Lark.**

 **So, the rumor that the Queen of Cessiro had an affair was not true. I had originally planned to have Eva's oldest sister Regan as the bastard so that the youngest wouldn't tell purely for the fact that Seren would be a terrible queen. In that case the plotting, controlling one actually sabotaged her chances to take the throne. Then I thought Eva should be the bastard and knowing that, she never would have wanted to be queen, but also wouldn't have told because it would have made her an even greater outcast. She would have lost any power she had, but also being with Jace would have been easier. Fear would have kept her from saying anything. Seren was never supposed to be the bastard, she just thought she was.**

 **It was my husband who came up with the scenario that none of it was true and there was never a bastard. I'm debating on telling you this, but this idea is directly from my real life. I have two older sisters that Like Regan and Seren have always been close and often make me feel insignificant, treating me like a child even though I'm over thirty. You see over ten years ago I was told a family secret, my mother had an affair and everyone thought my middle sister was the other man's child because she looked quite different from the older, fairer daughter, but because I came along a year later after the affair had ended and looked exactly like the middle sister… well everyone realized it couldn't have been true. I was then told not to say anything and knowing that I had zero tact and would just hurt my sisters for no reason agreed. Then I forgot about it.**

 **Fast forward to ten years later, my oldest sister overheard an argument that mentioned it all including that I had been told. My middle sister was hurt, and the older one took her side, punishing me for not telling them. Of course, the middle one had a paternity test done and as it turns out the rumor was like in this story false. It didn't fix the hurt caused or the fact that they barely speak to me. I don't get invited to holiday or get called unless something is up, but that's only a little different then it was before. I always felt like they had a party I was only grudgingly invited to.**

 **Anyways my sister had a mental health article published in an article in which she aired all this dirty laundry without telling any of us but blaming it all for her feeling like one side of the family treated her unfairly her whole life. Still I feel odd about putting any of this in writing incase it hurts her feelings more, but I guess it's my life too. Again, Eva is not me, but I did take inspiration for her from bits of my life. Her and Jace were RP characters I made up a few years ago. Actually, Dina is my cameo since I always try to squeeze one in. I'm always oddly formal when around high-ranking officers. I'd rather be considered stiff instead of disrespectful.**

 **Last note most people assume that Van would grow up into a fine specimen of a man, and my story is no different in all but one regard. Some people have better luck with conception then others, every story I've read where Van and Hitomi have children, all it really takes is once. I decided that it is more logical for this to be a struggle for the pair. If you look at the official timelines it was for Goau and Varie. Folken was ten years older then Van and you could assume from that two options really; 1. It was difficult for them to get pregnant at all and assumed Folken would be an only child until Van came as a sudden surprise, or 2. Between the two princes' of Fanelia there were several heartbreaking miscarriages which would make the King's joy at the birth of his second healthy son more potent.**

 **I'd thought to add more about our favorite couple's future family, but decided this was far too long as it was over 10,000 words not counting my rambling. Thank you so much for everyone who reviewed, favorited, and followed this story. I hope you all enjoyed Broken Promises, and please keep a look out for my future works, because there are plenty to come.**


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